Kansas City Breath Mints

From Blaseball Wiki

The Kansas City Breath Mints are a Blaseball team in the Mild Low division of the Mild League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1.


Lineup Rotation

Bench Bullpen

Former Players




Shadows Transactions

Echoed into Static

Season Results

For a more in-depth look at the team, see Kansas City Breath Mints/History

Season 1: Blessing in Disguise

Finishing in third in their division with a record of 47-52 after a valiant effort in the first Blaseball season, the Breath Mints did not foresee how the first round of Blessings would alter their team forever.

Successfully winning the Max Out Pitcher Blessing, they saw one of their two beloved PolkaDots, PolkaDot Patterson, undergo a magical transformation from zero stars to five stars. The team and their fans were overjoyed. But this was not to last. The Baltimore Crabs won the Steal Best Pitcher Blessing, and promptly stole the now-superior PolkaDot, sending in exchange their own zero-star pitcher Winnie Hess.

Now free from the stinky air of the Crabitat, Hess filled their lungs with fresh, fresh air and exhaled, for the first time in over 100 days, fresh breath. The minty aroma of Kansas City revealed Winnie's true potential, transforming them from a zero to a 2.5 star pitcher - the locker-room leader the Mints needed to face season two with renewed vigor.

Season 2: A Regular Old Guy... For Now

In the following Season 2, the Kansas City Breath Mints went 41-58. Following a second season where the Mints placed in the bottom four, fan-organized voting (anecdotally referred to as The Process) supported by a litany of statistical tools and psy-ops strategies begat outcomes that could hardly be better for our fresh players.

First, the Fourth Strike decree passed, granting an arcane rule-change to the hitters of the KCBMs that is sure to bring them straight into the postseason. Then, spirits from the Wind Realm (the Wind Sprints blessing) visited the training camp, and, pleased with what they saw, and always striving to make every plane they visit fresher, bestowed their elemental powers unto the Mints - making their baserunning increase by a whopping 15%.

And finally, Axel Trololol, the Mints' very own regular old guy who loves cars and beers - and who hides a dark prehensile secret - suddenly came one step closer to his dream of himself becoming a car, by having his pitching arm replaced with a Literal Arm Cannon. Pressed for comment, Axel said "Actually my name's Alex".

Season 3

In Season 3, the Mints ended at 49-50. As a result of the end-of-season elections, the Mints gained the blessings The Rack (defensive increase) and Summoning Circle, which randomized the hitting attributes of Rodriguez Internet, Grey Alvarado, and Eduardo Ingram.

More notably, resident 5-star pitcher Axel Trololol was sent to the Chicago Firefighters, where he will fulfill his dream of becoming a fire truck. In exchange, Chicago sent back Atlas Guerra, reuniting them with their sibling Eizabeth Guerra.

Notable Games

  • Stealing From Thieves (Season 3, Day 57, Game 3) - After reaching a near-hopeless point differential of 10-3 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the rogue incineration of Thieve's pitcher Matteo Prestige led to a 2-run home run by Boyfriend Monreal, kicking off a stirring rally from the Mints offense. After sitting at 15-15 at the bottom of the 8th inning, the Mints ended the game, and the day, with a Grand Shame. Final Score: 21-16 Mints.

Season 4: The Reverb

The Mints ended Season 4 at 48-51, at 13th in the league and 4th in the Lawful Good. They were granted the blessing Non-Dominant Arms, which buffed their pitching rotation by 13%.

Additionally, Rodriguez Internet and Oscar Vaughan had their stats randomized due to the passing of the Alternative Reality decree. Both players’ star ratings were slightly lowered, a disappointing--but salvageable--hit. Due to this dimension interference, Rod.net’s url was changed to Rod.com, as he began developing advertisements. Oscar Vaughan seemed to have split himself in two, most likely to maximize his time at home with his husband.

Season 5: The Horse Era

The Mints ended Season 5 at 51-48, barely missing the playoffs, being tied at 4th in the Good League with the Dallas Steaks. As the Steaks are ahead of the Mints in Divine Favor, the Mints were left behind in Party Time as the Steaks advanced to playoffs. Nonetheless, the Mints ended the season with more than 50 wins for the first time.

The season had a lot of good games for the Mints, including a sweep of the New York Millennials, winning three games in a row on Day 46, 47, and 48, and a 8-0 game against the Chicago Firefighters on Day 93, scoring a whopping seven runs in the span of two minutes on the top of the 8th inning.

Season 6: The Death Era

The Mints ended Season 6 at 55-44, making it to the playoffs as the 3rd seed of the Mild League. They lost to the Hades Tigers 3-2 in the quarterfinals.

In the Season 6 elections, the Mints received the Headliners and Spin Attack blessings.

Season 8

The Breath Mints were swapped into the Mild Low division after the Mexico City Wild Wings won the Divisional Swap blessing in the Season 8 election.

Season 9

Following the results of the Season 9 election, the Breath Mints were subject to the Fifth Base and Targeted Shame.

Season 10

In the Season 10 election, the Breath Mints won the Rogue Waves and Hidden Power blessings. They also benefited from the effects of the Shadow Ban Together blessing won by the Charleston Shoe Thieves, boosting their shadows by 3%.

Season 11

In the Season 11 elections, the Breath Mints were assigned the Arcana XIII.

Season 12

In the Season 12 elections, the Breath Mints received Enrich and Revoke as wills, boosting Pudge Nakamoto's stats from 6.4 -> 11.7 total, then Revoking them, giving them the Roamin' modification, before they wandered to the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Additionally, Jessica Telephone was swapped to the Mexico City Wild Wings due to the Wings winning the will Plunder, sending back Joshua Watson.

Season 13

In the Season 13 elections, the Breath Mints benefited from the Free Will decree, receiving three wills instead of two. These were Exchange, trading Eizabeth Guerra to the Mexico City Wild Wings for Jessica Telephone; Revoke, giving Stew Briggs the Roamin' modification and sending them to the Houston Spies, and Plunder, trading Lenny Spruce to the Boston Flowers for a newly-resurrected Sutton Picklestein. However, Picklestein's Returned modification triggered immediately thereafter, sending Picklestein back to the Hall of Flame and pulling Marquez Clark off the Mints' bench as a replacement.

Season 14

In the Season 14 elections, the Breath Mints received the Foreshadow will, sending Grey Alvarado to the Shadows in exchange for Kina Larsen, and the Infuse will, increasing the stats of Hewitt Best. Additionally, Jessica Telephone was swapped to the Philly Pies due to the Pie's Plunder will, sending back Jode Preston.

Season 15

In the Season 15 elections, the Breath Mints received the Foreshadow will, trading Oscar Vaughan to the New York Millennials in exchange for Uncle Plasma (who had briefly been in the Breath Mints' Shadows earlier in the season), and the Transfuse will, increasing Leach Ingram's pitching at the cost of some of their baserunning.

Season 16

In the Season 16 elections, the Breath Mints received the Move will, sending Eizabeth Guerra to the Shadows with no replacement, and the Transfuse will, increasing Rodriguez Internet's hitting at the cost of some of their pitching. The Breath Mints also received two blessings, bringing out Sandie Turner from the shadows and into the rotation with their Sweet Relief blessing, and gaining several Items with their Caps Supply Run blessing.

Season 17

In the Season 17 elections, the Breath Mints received the Move will, sending Fynn Doyle to the Shadows with no replacement, and the Foreshadow will, sending Marquez Clark to the Shadows in exchange for Tiana Wheeler. Wheeler was then immediately traded to the Yellowstone Magic with no return trade via the Magic's Strange Attractor blessing. The Breath Mints brought out Hierophantic Foible from the shadows and into the lineup with their Patchwork blessing.

Team Overview


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The Breath Mints' home ballpark is an open meadow on the outskirts of town. They formerly played their home games at the original Kansas City FreshDome. During the Expansion Era, Managemint had the open meadow on the outskirts of town officially named the Kansas City FreshDome, for "Tax Purposes". Fans find this incredibly confusing, most electing to simply refer to the ballpark as The Meadow.

Somewhat unusually, the Breath Mints do not have genuine pitchers on their roster. All of their pitchers are actually batters who decided to help out on the mound. The fans think that's just great.



  • Minties
  • Minty Fresh
  • Fresh Death
  • The Death Mints

Theme Song

Fresh by Kool & The Gang

Fan Culture

Know more about the Breath Mints' fan culture? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Culture!

Fans of the Breath Mints - collectively known as the Minty Way - are known for their love of statistical analysis, fanfiction, tolerance, and of star Mints hitter Boyfriend Monreal.

Select Chants


  • We Have Fresh Breath (clap-clap-clapclapclap)
  • Turn them into MINTS MEAT *yelled while brandishing steak knives*


  • Eizabeth Guerra takes no L’s! / [enemy team] can go to h*ll!
  • Boyfriend, Boyfriend, they're our boyfriend! / If they can't do it, they're our boyfriend!
  • Winnie, you better win! EEEEEEEEEE / Don't mess with the Hess! / Winnie take that Innie!
  • Vaughan is on! (Aggressive clattering of teeth)
  • ROD.NET! HE'S THE INTERNET! (Rodriguez Internet)
  • It's Mark o' Clark!
  • PDZ has got skin in the game!
  • Don't crowd the plate! Leave a spot! (PolkaDot Zavala throws a brush-back)


  • Day 96 of each Season has been dubbed Not Nice Day, in remembrance of Boyfriend Monreal, who was incinerated on Day 96 of Season 7. Players and fans alike don dark-colored jerseys, calling back to their time as the Death Mints.
  • Following the death of Whit Steakknife, many fans have begun carrying steak knives to the game and waving them en masse. This is incredibly dangerous and not condoned AT ALL by the Managemint. During games against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Mints use the knives to cut the laces of their own shoes, making them significantly less valuable to steal. Managemint has proposed screening and confiscating all knives at the gates (so they can sell their own significantly more expensive brand-name knives at the park).

Fan Works

Have Breath Mints fan art? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Works!
Looking for art for an individual player? Check out the Fan Works section on their page!