Whit Steakknife

From Blaseball Wiki

Whit Steakknife was a lineup player for the Kansas City Breath Mints, and was with the team from the Return of Blaseball until being incinerated on Season β4, Day 14.

Official League Records

Steakknife joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Kansas City Breath Mints with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season β4, Day 14, Steakknife was incinerated and replaced by Stew Briggs.


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Steakknife's head looked like a serrated knife blade ringed by a shimmering golden crown.

Steakknife was known for its boastful attitude and showmanship. It was not uncommon for it to make lewd gestures at the catcher as it scored a run, an act of devilry that always riled up the fans. Despite this devious behavior, Steakknife was also known to have a softer side, far softer than the sharpened edge of its bladed head.

Steakknife had been receiving lessons from Breath Mints star batter Boyfriend Monreal on how to become a better dater. Steakknife's romantic interests in the Dallas Steaks pitcher Ronan Jaylee were no secret, but due to his terminator-like cluelessness about human emotions, his first date didn't go exactly how he wanted. At the time of Steakknife's incineration, Monreal had been training him on how to wink, a skill which, it was hoped, would have greatly helped him in his romantic endeavors.

Steakknife's walk out music was "Whip It" by Devo.

Romantic Life

Steakknife had been public about grappling with the grief of losing its first wife, a technicolor folding blade, many years ago. It is a pain that the whole team had helped it bear, and through this gauntlet, it had come out the other side a much more emotionally well-rounded individual. This growth paved the way for its subsequent relationship, and eventual marriage, with Justice Spoon, a player for the Chicago Firefighters. Steakknife was a self described "wife-guy", and loved declaring its love for Spoon in interviews, on the field, and atop the highest parapets of the Kansas City skyline.

Steakknife itself ascended into the great silverware drawer in the sky on August 25th, 2020 during a game against the San Francisco Lovers. It is survived by Justice Spoon and his two children, Spork and Spatula Steakknife.

In Memoriam


In Response to Steakknife's incineration and subsequent ascension to the great silverware drawer in the sky, the Breath Mints Organization dedicated a section of an open meadow on the outskirts of town to Steakknife's legacy. A section of the stands was made into a fan zone known as the "Knife Block." The Block features individual slots for fans to watch the game while suspended upside-down as the slots conform and contour to each fan's individual body size. A monitor within the slot allows the fan to watch the action live and microphones from within project fans' cheers out to the field. The project was completed after the Season β5 regular season finished. The Breath Mints' front office states that the section is already completely sold out for all Season β6 home games. A few lucky fans were able to experience the Knife Block at its dedication ceremony. Speaking to the press about the experience one fan said, "Should I have this much blood in my brain?"


See: Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Culture

In and among the open meadow fans have carved messages of support and love of Steakknife. Fans are encouraged to "Feel free to add your own words, in memoriam of Whit Steakknife." among the many seen the following have been documented:

  • "10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife. Isn't it ironic."
  • "The strikeouts that men do live after them; the home runs are so oft interred with their knives, so let it be with Whit."
  • "going to bed with a broken heart, love you mints love you whit."
  • "While today we all feel a knife in our hearts, we must remember the heart that steakknife carried within him. To every. Single. Game."
  • "miss him so much just want him back!!!!"
  • "rip whit hes in the big silverware drawer in the sky now"
  • "Hi it's Vince from shamwow, you'll be saying 'Wow!' every time. It's like a shammy, it's like a towel, it's like a sponge. A regular towel doesn't work wet, this works wet or dry. This is for the house, the car, the boat, the RV. Shamwow holds 12 times its weight in liquid, look at this, it just does the work. Why do you want to work twice as hard? It doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess, wring it out. You wash it in the washing machine. Made in Hellmouth, you know the Hellmouths always make good stuff. Here's some cola, wine, coffee, cola, pet stains. Not only is your damage going to be on top, there's your mildew"
  • "when the sun sets and the stars come out, i will see you again my old friend, every night, up there swimming in the sky. i love you."


  • We hit for Whit! (memorial)

Fan Works