Hewitt Best

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The subject of this page has been Preserved.

They may have participated in the ILB Semi-Centennial. No other information is available after their entry into the Vault. Tour the collection here.
In case of incomplete records, post on the Talk page.

Hewitt Best is a lineup player for the Vault Legends, and has been with the team since the ILB Semi-Centennial. Best has played for the Kansas City Breath Mints and the Rising Stars.

Official League Records

Best joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Kansas City Breath Mints with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season 10, Day 36, Best's defensive ability was siphoned by Boston Flowers lineup player Glabe Moon in a game with Blooddrain weather.

During the Season 10 election, Best received the Repeating modification as a result of the Rogue Waves blessing.

During the Season 14 elections, Best received a combined stat change of 16.4 -> 20.7 as a result of the Breath Mints' Infuse will.

On Season 15, Day 101, Best was attacked by Consumers.

On Season 16, Day 99, Best was named an MVP and gained the Ego+ modification.

On Season 17, Day 16, Best's overpowerment and ground friction were siphoned by Philly Pies pitcher Tiana Takahashi in a game with Blooddrain weather.

On Season 18, Day 31, Best siphoned some of Philly Pies lineup player Jaxon Buckley's baserunning ability in a game with Blooddrain weather.

On Season 18, Day 70, Best was incinerated and replaced by Trinity Roche.

During the ILB Semi-Centennial, Best played for the Rising Stars, until they were collected and made Legendary by the Vault Legends.

COMMUNITY REPORTS

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Comrade Best is known for their beyond-perfect anticapitalism (warning: FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE) score.

Unbeknownst to anyone, Comrade Best is sometimes a human mech piloted by 5 Teen Hermit Crabs, who combine together to form the shape of Hewitt Best. However, sometimes Hewitt Best is simply a loving comrade who helped a group of hermit crabs form a union once. It is impossible to tell which version of Best is the correct one, but in both, they are filled with love, and the determination to unite the workers of the world.

Best prefers "Moskau" by Dschinghis Khan or "Crab Rave" by Noisestorm for their walk-up music. ☭

Second Job

Best generally has a lower batting average than other players. This is because he spends the majority of his time and energy off the field in Max Betmint's office, operating as union rep for the team.

A transcript from a recent visit:

Max Betmint: "Ah geez, this commie guy again. I told ya, youz guyz can get your cumulative breaks for the decade at the END of yer contract."

Hewett Best ☭: "No Max. We are here to talk about teeth. Oscar says you haven't approved any of the dental claims we've submitted."

Betmint: "Ah, come on, yer bustin' my blalls. We don’t have the budget fer teeth. You know how much a horse dennis gonna cost me? A flippin' MINT."

[An uncomfortable pause where a rimshot should be.]

Betmint, accent degrading: "Besides, whadda youz gonna do about it? Picket an empty field?"

Best: "No. The gift shop."

[There is another long and awkward pause. Betmint squirms uncomfortably in his leather chair, making rumpling and squeaking noises on the leather.]

Best: "Max, don't make us start chanting. We're very good at it... Here, we'll make up one right now: 'Teeth are good, teeth are great, fix our teeth or we don't play.'"

Betmint: "'Great' don't rhyme wit' 'play'!"

Best, tapping his bat on the desk: "Doesn't have to, Max. Doesn't have to."

Betmint: "FINE! I'll pay for da horse, but Oscar has to do her teeth too. Now make like a tree and geddouddahere!"

[Lenny Spruce reluctantly leaves the room, followed by Best closing the door behind them.]

Betmint, yelling at the shut door: "And dat Filly's E-R-A bedda improve before she even TINKS aboud no I-R-A!"

Chants

  • Best is Best!
  • Best on base! (when about to steal)
  • Hewitt, Hewitt, he can do it! He stole the base and blew right through it!
  • Let’s get some pep for our union rep!
  • Hewitt Best is my very Best comrade, reply if Hewitt Best is your very Best comrade also
  • Do it for Hewitt! (memorial)

Fan Works

Gallery