Official League Records
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Comrade Best is known for their beyond-perfect anticapitalism (warning: FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE) score.
Unbeknownst to anyone, Comrade Best is sometimes a human mech piloted by 5 Teen Hermit Crabs, who combine together to form the shape of Hewitt Best. However, sometimes Hewitt Best is simply a loving comrade who helped a group of hermit crabs form a union once. It is impossible to tell which version of Best is the correct one, but in both, they are filled with love, and the determination to unite the workers of the world.
Best prefers "Moskau" by Dschinghis Khan or "Crab Rave" by Noisestorm for their walk-up music. ☭
Best generally has a lower batting average than other players. This is because he spends the majority of his time and energy off the field in Max Betmint's office, operating as union rep for the team.
A transcript from a recent visit:
Max Betmint: "Ah geez, this commie guy again. I told ya, youz guyz can get your cumulative breaks for the decade at the END of yer contract."
Hewett Best ☭: "No Max. We are here to talk about teeth. Oscar says you haven't approved any of the dental claims we've submitted."
Betmint: "Ah, come on, yer bustin' my blalls. We don’t have the budget fer teeth. You know how much a horse dennis gonna cost me? A flippin' MINT."
[An uncomfortable pause where a rimshot should be.]
Betmint, accent degrading: "Besides, whadda youz gonna do about it? Picket an empty field?"
Best: "No. The gift shop."
[There is another long and awkward pause. Betmint squirms uncomfortably in his leather chair, making rumpling and squeaking noises on the leather.]
Best: "Max, don't make us start chanting. We're very good at it... Here, we'll make up one right now: 'Teeth are good, teeth are great, fix our teeth or we don't play.'"
Betmint: "'Great' don't rhyme wit' 'play'!"
Best, tapping his bat on the desk: "Doesn't have to, Max. Doesn't have to."
Betmint: "FINE! I'll pay for da horse, but Oscar has to do her teeth too. Now make like a tree and geddouddahere!"
[Lenny Spruce reluctantly leaves the room, followed by Best closing the door behind them.]
Betmint, yelling at the shut door: "And dat Filly's E-R-A bedda improve before she even TINKS aboud no I-R-A!"
- Best is Best!
- Best on base! (when about to steal)
- Hewitt, Hewitt, he can do it! He stole the base and blew right through it!
- Let’s get some pep for our union rep!
- Hewitt Best is my very Best comrade, reply if Hewitt Best is your very Best comrade also
- Do it for Hewitt! (memorial)
Hewitt Best by @wjstay_
Comrade Best by @goatedtoasts
CRIMES by @goatedtoasts
Hewitt Best by @8loi88
Hewitt Best by @prinnamon
Death Mints Hewitt by @goatedtoasts
Mint Parade Hewitt by @goatedtoasts
Hewitt Best by @goatedtoasts
Hewitt Best by @jennayow
Comrade Best by @CarterRouth
5 Star Best by @goatedtoasts
Hewitt Observed by @fraymyst (@epipencils)
Consumers Attack by @goatedtoasts
Crime Time by @CarterRouth
Mini-Blaseballer by @HetreaSky
Vault Legend Hewitt by Numbersninja
Hewitt Best by glassgoblin
Hewitt by @gaymaul