Collins Melon

From Blaseball Wiki

The subject of this page has been Preserved.
They may have participated in the ILB Semi-Centennial. No other information is available after their entry into the Vault. Tour the collection here.
In case of incomplete records, post on the Talk page.

Collins Melon is a pitcher for the Vault Legends and has been with the team since the ILB Semi-Centennial. Melon has played for the Houston Spies, Breckenridge Jazz Hands, and Rising Stars.

Official League Records

Melon joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Houston Spies on Season β2, Day 65 after the incineration of Dickerson Greatness.

During the Season β4 Elections , Melon was affected by the Alternate Reality Decree. This resulted in a combined increase of 8.571 12.563 .

On Season β6, Day 41, Melon was exchanged to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands due to Feedback. Melon was replaced by Comfort Septemberish.

During the Coffee Cup, Melon played for Royal PoS as a pitcher.

During the Season β14 elections, Melon received a combined stat change of 16.8 21.3 as a result of the Jazz Hands' Infuse will.

During the Season β16 Earlsiesta, Melon lost the Alternate modification.

During the Season β22 elections, Melon gained the Subtractor modification as a result of the Subtractor Avoidance blessing.

During the ILB Semi-Centennial, Melon played for the Rising Stars, until they were collected and made Legendary by the Vault Legends.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Collins Melon has a round to slightly oval shape, typically 15–22 cm (5.9–8.7 in) long. They generally range in weight from 1.8–3.6 kg (4.0–7.9 lb). Their flesh is pink in colour, while their smooth peel ranges from greenish to yellow. Like most of their family, they have seeds. They thrive in semiarid climates and were picked up by the Houston Spies based on maturity, not size.

Theories of Origin

Collins Melon, like many Spies, is shrouded in mystique, and speculation as to the workings of their physical form has become a favorite topic of discourse among Spies fans, even resulting in brawls between particularly dedicated blaseball hooligans.

What is the truth? The world may never know.

Hypothesis A: Collins Melon

Judging by the way they seem to act as one entity unconcerned with human priorities, Collins Melon could be an average muskmelon which has gained sentience. Questions raised by this hypothesis include: what could a melon want from the game of blaseball, is Melon's lifespan as short as the average melon, and if vegetables can be sentient (without being dryads such as Paula Turnip or Basilio Fig, of course), what have humans been eating this whole time?

Hypothesis B: Collin's Melon

Before now, no sentient plant beings have been confirmed to exist without the aid of some form of high magic, of which Melon shows no trace. This supports blaseballers' second prevailing hypothesis, that Collins Melon is an entity known as Collin, either originally human or purely spiritual in the manner of Landry Violence, that is possessing a melon. Questions raised by this hypothesis include: what happened to Collin's body, is their possession of this melon counting as theft, and why choose a melon of all possible things as a body?

Hypothesis C: Collins' Melon

The final commonly accepted hypothesis, supported by Melon's lack of coordination and ability to nicely fill out their regulation team uniform, is that Melon is two short people with the surname Collins, stacked on top of each other in a trench coat and using a melon as a head. Questions raised by this hypothesis include: why are the Collinses so short, how do they seem to act as one individual, and how have they avoided simply eating the sweet flesh of the melon?

Alt Reality/"Collins Watermelon"

After being affected by the Alternate Reality decree passed by the fanblase at the end of Season 4, Collins Melon was noted to change species from a muskmelon to a watermelon. It is hypothesized that the switch also changed their origin from one of the hypotheses stated above to another. Although this has little effect on Melon themself, it has caused the Melon truthers within the Spies stands to tear up their evidence while howling in frustration.

Life Outside of the Spies

After transferring to the Jazz Hands, Melon had some difficulty integrating into the Breckenridge community due to their mysterious and extremely discreet nature. Eventually, new teammate Aldon Cashmoney offered some assistance, and drew a face on Melon. From there, the community began taking Melon on a variety of hobby trips, taking a photo from each. A selection is provided below.


During the Season β16 tarot reading, Melon’s Alternate sticker was removed, causing them to cease being an Alternate. Shortly after, it was discovered that Melon, specifically “Collins Watermelon”, was a universal constant and that all versions of them were one and the same. This includes the muskmelon version of Collins Melon that originated in this universe. Besides appearing to be a universal constant, Melon is otherwise unaffected by the unalternation.

Due to their nature as a universal constant, it is theoretically possible to communicate with other universes via Melon, but this requires that more than one Melon be in the same place at once. The only known instance of communication this way came on Day 28 of Season β18, when Melon returned from Elsewhere with an immateria-blurred message from the original Elijah Valenzuela written on their backside.


  • Later on in their career, rumors began to crop up around the league that Melon was responsible for the disappearance of bases after Jazz Hands away games. Management of the Jazz Hands has denied this rumor and related rumors of a “Base Vault” within the Pit.
  • Collins Melon has a Base Vault within the Pit

Fan Works