Aldon Cashmoney

From Blaseball Wiki

Aldon Cashmoney is a lineup player for the Hades Tigers and has been with the team since the Season 13 elections. Cashmoney has previously played for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, Hawai'i Fridays and Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Official League Records

Cashmoney joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands with the Return of Blaseball.

Discipline Era

On Season 2, Day 104 against the Hades Tigers, the Jazz Hands were down 4-3 against the Tigers. Jazz Hands player Comfort Septemberish successfully stole home in the bottom of the 9th inning, bringing the score to a 4-4 tie. Cashmoney then hit a 2-run home run on the following pitch, securing victory for the Jazz Hands with a final score of 6-4, advancing the team to the next stage of the playoffs.

Cashmoney was traded to the Hawai'i Fridays in exchange for Elijah Valenzuela during the Season 7 elections via the Popular by Association blessing.

On Season 8, Day 57, Cashmoney's defensive ability was siphoned by San Francisco Lovers lineup player Kennedy Meh in a game with Blooddrain weather, dropping it to .

On Season 8, Day 99, Cashmoney swallowed a stray [[Peanuts|peanut] and had a yummy reaction, which increased their rating from ★★★★ to ★★★★★.

Cashmoney was traded to the Hades Tigers in exchange for Spears Taylor during the Season 8 elections via the Blind Date blessing.

Season 9

On day 10 of Season 9, Cashmoney hit into fielder's choice and then immediately stole second, third, and home before a single pitch was thrown.[1]. During the Season 9 election, Cashmoney became Spicy due to the Seattle Garages winning the Hot Sauce Bar blessing.

Coffee Cup

During the Coffee Cup, Cashmoney played for the Americano Water Works as a lineup player.

Expansion Era

Following the Hades Tigers' winning of the Season 12 Internet Series and the passing of the Based Evolution decree, Cashmoney Evolved to Base 1. Cashmoney was then traded to the Hellmouth Sunbeams in exchange for Nerd Pacheco during the Season 12 elections via the Sunbeams' Plunder will.

Following Season 13, Day 99, Cashmoney was selected as an MVP, and received the Ego+ modification. Cashmoney was subsequently traded back to the Hades Tigers in exchange for Richmond Harrison during the Season 13 elections via the Tigers' Plunder will.

During the Season 16 elections, Cashmoney gained the Middling modifcation via the Middle of the Pack blessing.


COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personality & Appearance

Cashmoney is known for only hitting triples, as per vis namesake. Ve has become a role model for many younger Jazz Hands fans, as they strive to make their behavior in life a little more Cashmoney.

Cashmoney wears the jersey number $1,000,000. Vis hair is made of money.

History

Debut

When first joining the ILB, Cashmoney was known for vis love of material pleasures. Ve often spent large sums of money on fancy meals and expensive vacations, and maintained a large violin collection despite typically only playing vis Stradivarius. Despite this, ve was not known for being particularly insufferable; ve would readily cover friends' meals, made regular donations to charity, and bought many gifts for vis teammates. When asked to describe Cashmoney in an interview, Bevan Underbuck replied, "Oh, vim? I mean, ve's really just a vimbo. A wealthy vimbo, but still a kind-hearted vimbo, through and through."

Open Mic Night

During the Jazz Hands' Open Mic Night, Cashmoney was confronted with the changeover of many teammates in rapid succession. After the Feedback of Hendricks Richardson and Randall Marijuana, ve said in an interview, "Nothing against the new folks, but things just really aren't the same. I'm sure I'll get used to it in time, but I'll miss Comfort's jingle-shouting all the same." Ve refused interviews after both Marijuana's incineration and the third trade of Nagomi Mcdaniel for Holden Stanton, and ve stopped going to vis regular restaurants or vacation destinations. Many attribute vis poor performance in Season 7 to the high emotional toll Cashmoney experienced during Open Mic Night.

Hawai'i Fridays

At the end of season 7, Cashmoney wanted a fresh start, to see the world from a new angle. It was, as ve said, island time. The Hawai'ian lifestyle, blessed by Our Lady of Perpetual Friday, let Cashmoney live at a slower pace, with a cool drink in one hand and a blaseball in the other. Ve sponsored a local Kahiko troupe and sponsored a free beachside Rebecca Black concert to celebrate the end of season 8.

On the field, as one of the most talented players at the club, Cashmoney gave the fans a second talismanic star player to rally around, especially when York Silk was grounded by his mother due to season 8's peanut-related incident.

Hades Tigers

Cashmoney transferred to the Hades Tigers when, wildly misunderstanding the point of a "Tiger for a Day" charity auction, ve bought every single lot at forty times initial price, landing vim a permanent spot on the Tigers' roster. Vis office sent out the following release to the press regarding the mixup:

From the desk of Aldon Killin-It Cashmoney,

HELL YEAH I'M. GONNA PLAY ALL THE GAMES. THAT SOUNDS FUN AS HELL. LIVE FAST GET CASH.

Cashmoney established vimself in a lavish high-rise in Midtown Elysium, and started with the Tigers in Season 9.

Cashmoney was often seen in public with Hades, who in addition to being the god of the underworld, is also known as the god of wealth due to the immense riches of the underworld. Said Hades, "it's nice to have someone around who understands the difficulties of being unbelievably wealthy."

Like the rest of vis teammates, Cashmoney Evolved following the Tigers' earning their third championship pennant in Season 12, manifesting glowing tiger stripes on vis skin.

Hellmouth Sunbeams

The exact circumstances of Cashmoney's departure from Hades at the end of Season 12 are unknown, but completely speculative rumors claim ve crafted vimself a pair of wings and flew straight up and out of the maw of the Hellmouth.

Of their season in Hellmouth, ve said the following shortly before the dawn of Season 14 in a pre-season interview with Orpheus:

The Sunbeams? Just as much fun to play alongside as against. TIGERBEAMS! But the community there, man, the Hellmouth... blew my mind the first time I ordered coffee, tipped the cashier a 10 thousand dollar note like I usually do, and the guy called me a cheapskate. Took me a couple days to remember what Randy taught me, back when we were both playing in Breckenridge and I bailed him out at a drive-thru. Kid was trying to pay for chicken nuggets with baby tooth and a drawing of his dream the night before.

I really got into the spirit of it! Paid for half my shopping in the first week with boats, though.

Cashmoney's teammates on the Sunbeams were similarly complimentary about vim, though star pitcher Miguel James attributed the team's poor Season 13 performance to "70 percent losing the last of our impulse control when Nerd went down to Hades, and 30 percent Aldon funding our every ridiculous whim. And by ridiculous, I mean extremely cool and smart and thoroughly justified, like my new knuckle tats."

Adaptation

Cashmoney, like most who linger too long around the Hellmouth, gained a permanent Adaptation - in vis case, wings. Ve cheerfully adopted the look into their burgeoning reputation as Hellmouth's ultimate wingm*n (though ve has stated ve generally prefers the title "flight support"), tossing romantically involved teammates and opponents on the pitch alike $10,000 notes, urging them to take their sweethearts out "somewhere nice".

According to one unconfirmed source, ve was spotted dumping a suitcase of cash into the Hellmouth, asking with a nod and a wink for "none of that Adaptation stuff, thanks". The same unconfirmed source claims ve took one like at vis former teammate Hendricks Richardson, who had been turned into a dragon, and promptly marched back to the Hellmouth with a second suitcase of cash.

Cashmoney struggled with vis Adaptation at first, but with the support of vis new team and the direct tutelage of winged teammates Sutton Bishop and Hendricks Richardson, ve mastered the power of flight. It is also speculated that Cashmoney's wings may assist with vis thermoregulation, as ve would start to wear whatever outfits took vis fancy with seemingly zero concern for the weather conditions.


Trivia

  • Aldon Cashmoney owns one of every boat.
  • Aldon Cashmoney fields with a satin glove.
  • Aldon Cashmoney's wealth is valued in Cashmoneybux (CMB), vis personal currency. Current exchange rate is $1 CMB to $12,000 USD.
  • When asked where vis incredible wealth stems from, Cashmoney only flexed and said, "These guns, sonnnnnnn." Then, ve proceeded to pose for a half hour while dozens of professional photographers flooded in from an unseen location.
  • When ve sleeps, Aldon Cashmoney does not dream, because ve is already living it.
  • Aldon Cashmoney and Hades share the same tailor. It is unknown if Hades used this connection to lure Cashmoney to the Tigers.

Fan Works

References