Nerd Pacheco

From Blaseball Wiki

Nerd Pacheco is a player for the Chicago Firefighters, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Pacheco has previously played for the Hellmouth Sunbeams, Hades Tigers, and Philly Pies.

Official League Records

Pacheco joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Moab Sunbeams with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season β3, Day 47, Pacheco swallowed a peanut and had a yummy reaction, improving their rating to .

During Season 8, on Day 19, Pacheco siphoned some of San Francisco Lovers batter Kennedy Meh's batting ability in a game with Blooddrain weather, bringing it from  to .

During the Season β9 elections the Sunbeams received the Mutually Arising blessing, which increased Pacheco's baserunning and defense by .

During the Season β10 elections the Sunbeams received the Sharing Signs blessing, which increased Pacheco's batting to .

During the Coffee Cup, Pacheco played for the Cold Brew Crew as a lineup player.

On Season β12, Day 56, Pacheco was  SHELLED in a game with Peanut weather by LA Unlimited Tacos player Peanut Bong. Pacheco was traded to the Hades Tigers in exchange for Aldon Cashmoney during the Season β12 elections via the Sunbeams' Plunder will.

Pacheco was traded to the Philly Pies and became a pitcher in exchange for Nicholas Mora during the Season β13 elections via the Pies' Exchange will.

On Season β18, Day 28, Pacheco was freed from their shell by birds.

On Season β18, Day 107, Pacheco swallowed a peanut and had a Superallergic reaction, resulting in a combined 15.9 → 0.5 stat decrease. This was notably the first time a Superallergic reaction has been seen in the history of Internet League Blaseball.

During the Season β18 elections, Pacheco retreated to the Pies' Shadows as a result of the Pies' Move will, resulting in a combined 0.5 → 1.7 stat increase.

During the December 2, 2022 Fall Ball, Pacheco fell to the Chicago Firefighters.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Nerd Pacheco always received good grades in school. In interviews, Pacheco ascribes this not to their intelligence, but instead because their specific form of anxiety causes them to study very hard for any subject they are being tested on. Pacheco maintains that they are very knowledgeable, but they are not very smart.

Pacheco had a younger sibling, Hurley Pacheco, who was a player for the Boston Flowers. The two were not notably close, though they began to reconnect due to the opening of the Hellmouth. Hurley was incinerated shortly afterwards on Season β2, Day 76.

Pacheco went by their last name for most of their life, but they received the nickname "Nerd" from their Blittle League team. After Pacheco was chosen to move on to the Hellmouth Sunbeams, they legally changed their first name to Nerd in order to remember their time with their team.

Time in Hellmouth

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, Pacheco Adapted saguaro cactus-like antlers that allow them to store water for a long lengths of time. Pacheco's antlers were one of the few sources of water in the Hellmouth, prior to the opening of Hahn Fox's backyard pool.

Pacheco has maintained a reputation as a meticulous planner, and is the sole author of the Hellmouth Sunbeams Comprehensive Emergency Manual. It is two feet thick, detailing responses to every conceivable emergency that may occur in the Hellmouth and in the normal course of Blaseball. The only other contributor was Nagomi Nava, who gave it an editing pass based on knowledge conferred to her by her Precognition.[1]

Pacheco's Honorary Degrees

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, the Hellmouth Community College awarded Pacheco an honorary degree in philosophy. After this award, Pacheco shut themself in their house for many weeks, emerging only for games of Blaseball. After this period, Pacheco hosted a guest lecture at the college on the nature of metameta-ethics. The Hellmouth Community College was so impressed, they offered Pacheco a part time job as their first professor of philosophy, and de facto head of department.

Pacheco has since been awarded many other honorary degrees by institutions from across the Immaterial Plane, as they are often assumed to have expertise in a discipline they only have tangential knowledge of, and ends up providing a passable explanation so as not to disappoint. To make sure they do not co-opt the title of "expert" and frustrate real experts on the topic, they undergo rigorous study which, in a roundabout way, ends up leaving them an expert worthy of a degree in the matter.

This is a fork of the IRM, and chooses one story of many written by the Blaseball community when the page is loaded. Nerd Pacheco has been conferred a very large number of honorary degrees by academic institutions across the Immaterial Plane. If you would like to see a list of all honorary degrees conferred upon Nerd Pacheco, or add information about a degree Nerd has ben awarded; click Rumor Registry. If you would like to edit this entry, click Hon-Cool Math.
This system is based on the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, which can be read about at Interdimensional Rumor Mill.

Cool Math

Nerd Pacheco was awarded an honorary Bachelor of Arts degree in Cool Math after going on a half hour tangent about the theoretical power one could receive by reaching the center of Los Angeli. Pacheco has since gone on an expedition (failed) to prove the difficulty of such an action.

Nerd's Retirement

After their tragic encounter with a Peanut on Season 18 Day 107, Pacheco was forcibly retired from Blaseball. They began working full time on research as the Pibrary's Head Pibrarian often arguing with the other Head Pibrarian, Doc Anice. When not in the Pibrary, Pacheco teaches remote for Hellmouth Community College and spends times with friends and teammates. When asked about retirement, Pacheco was quoted as saying "Yes, what happened was sad but I am glad to be free. I have friends, teaching, and a whole library to study." Teammates, current and former, say that Nerd seems happier these days.

Trivia

  • Pacheco's meticulous planning and research skills are a trait appreciated by their friends and acquaintances—one mentioned in passing to them a movie they enjoyed, and received a curated list of further movie recommendations two days later.
  • Pacheco has stated their favorite pastime is "just a good chat, listening and learning from folks about the things they're passionate about. Or philosophy."
  • Many have said that Pacheco is a computer Slolitaire champion, but Pacheco insists that they only play easy mode, really often, which makes their score really high.
  • Some have speculated that all of Pacheco’s bats are made of the same type of wood as the tree of their younger sibling’s memorial tree in the Memorial Bat Forest. This may be connected to the tree itself or may simply be a symbolic gesture.
  • Pacheco is terrified of horses.
  • Following through on an old Sunbeams batters tradition, Pacheco and their teammate, Nagomi Nava, are often seen sitting and throwing glass out the window or off the balcony of wherever they are staying for an away game. They will sometimes include their teammate Iggy Delacruz, but as an alternate Delacruz was initially unfamiliar with this version of the tradition.
  • Pacheco has a credit score of 45, likely due to their mascot JEFF!’s affinity for destroying the team’s credit. For whatever reason Pacheco has been notably targeted by these changes.

Fan Works

Fanfiction

Videos

Games

References

  1. ↑ Nava later noted that some sections were kept unchanged despite half a dozen casualties, as that was "the best case scenario."


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