Nerd Pacheco

From Blaseball Wiki

Nerd Pacheco is a player in the Shadows for the Philly Pies and has been with the team since the Season 13 elections. Pacheco has previously played for the Hellmouth Sunbeams and the Hades Tigers.

Official League Records

Pacheco joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Moab Sunbeams with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season 3, Day 47, Pacheco swallowed a peanut and had a yummy reaction, improving their rating to .

During Season 8, on Day 19, Pacheco siphoned some of San Francisco Lovers batter Kennedy Meh's batting ability in a game with Blooddrain weather, bringing it from  to .

During the Season 9 elections the Sunbeams received the Mutually Arising blessing, which increased Pacheco's baserunning and defense by .

During the Season 10 elections the Sunbeams received the Sharing Signs blessing, which increased Pacheco's batting to .

During the Coffee Cup, Pacheco played for the Cold Brew Crew as a lineup player.

On Season 12, Day 56, Pacheco was  SHELLED in a game with Peanut weather by LA Unlimited Tacos player Peanut Bong. Pacheco was traded to the Hades Tigers in exchange for Aldon Cashmoney during the Season 12 elections via the Sunbeams' Plunder will.

Pacheco was traded to the Philly Pies and became a pitcher in exchange for Nicholas Mora during the Season 13 elections via the Pies' Exchange will.

On Season 18, Day 28, Pacheco was freed from their shell by birds.

During the Season 18 elections, Pacheco retreated to the Pies' Shadows as a result of the Pies' Move will, resulting in a combined 0.5 -> 1.7 stat increase.


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Nerd Pacheco always received good grades in school. In interviews, Pacheco ascribes this not to their intelligence, but instead because their specific form of anxiety causes them to study very hard for any subject they are being tested on. Pacheco maintains that they are very knowledgeable, but they are not very smart.

Pacheco had a younger sibling, Hurley Pacheco, who was a player for the Boston Flowers. The two were not notably close, though they began to reconnect due to the opening of the Hellmouth. Hurley was incinerated shortly afterwards on Season 2, Day 76.

Pacheco went by their last name for most of their life, but they received the nickname "Nerd" from their Blittle League team. After Pacheco was chosen to move on to the Hellmouth Sunbeams, they legally changed their first name to Nerd in order to remember their time with their team.

Time in Hellmouth

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, Pacheco Adapted saguaro cactus-like antlers that allow them to store water for a long lengths of time. Pacheco's antlers were one of the few sources of water in the Hellmouth, prior to the opening of Hahn Fox's backyard pool.

Pacheco has maintained a reputation as a meticulous planner, and is the sole author of the Hellmouth Sunbeams Comprehensive Emergency Manual. It is two feet thick, detailing responses to every conceivable emergency that may occur in the Hellmouth and in the normal course of Blaseball. The only other contributor was Nagomi Nava, who gave it an editing pass based on knowledge conferred to her by her Precognition.[1]

Pacheco's Honorary Degrees

Shortly after moving to the Hellmouth, the Hellmouth Community College awarded Pacheco an honorary degree in philosophy. After this award, Pacheco shut themself in their house for many weeks, emerging only for games of Blaseball. After this period, Pacheco hosted a guest lecture at the college on the nature of metameta-ethics. The Hellmouth Community College was so impressed, they offered Pacheco a part time job as their first professor of philosophy, and de facto head of department.

Pacheco has since been awarded many other honorary degrees by institutions from across the Immaterial Plane, as they are often assumed to have expertise in a discipline they only have tangential knowledge of, and ends up providing a passable explanation so as not to disappoint. To make sure they do not co-opt the title of "expert" and frustrate real experts on the topic, they undergo rigorous study which, in a roundabout way, ends up leaving them an expert worthy of a degree in the matter.

This is a fork of the IRM, and chooses one story of many written by the Blaseball community when the page is loaded. Nerd Pacheco has been conferred a very large number of honorary degrees by academic institutions across the Immaterial Plane. If you would like to see a list of all honorary degrees conferred upon Nerd Pacheco, or add information about a degree Nerd has ben awarded; click Rumor Registry. If you would like to edit this entry, click Hon-D.Phil+Soc in Hellmouthian Sociology.
This system is based on the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, which can be read about at Interdimensional Rumor Mill.

Dual Doctorate in Hellmouthian Sociology and Philosophy

(NB: The following are selected works from Nerd Pacheco's dissertation. To date, this degree remains one of the few Pacheco has earned intentionally.)

[Entry: 1, date 02076]

Hello. My name is Nerd Pacheco. I am a professor at Hellmouth Community College, and a batter for the Hellmouth Sunbeams. Up to this point, I have written down all my findings on the phenomenon now known as “Adaptation,” but today I have decided to... record some thoughts verbally. For now, my only goal is to record my thoughts around the experience.


My first assessment: Adaptation is a physical change, done to us, by the Hellmouth. Not everybody adapts. I have. I am uncertain why.

[Entry: 6, date 03110]

Does Adaptation keep us safe? So far, the only people who I have seen - seen [static] did not experience an obvious Adaptation. Even if they were from the Hellmouth. So, why does the Hellmouth protect us? What is the purpose of my Adaptation in this?

[Entry: 24, date 04097]

At no point in this journal have I recorded my own Adaptation. I adapted cacti [static] full of water. Though it seems the community is already healing, there was a point where I was the only source of safe drinking water for some.

...Why me?

Is the Hellmouth punishing me, or does it think this is a gift? The role it wants me to play? Does it want me to give parts of myself for others? I think of [static]’s Adaptation. Or [static]. Do those changes help them fit into the community? Or do they help them in some other way? What is their role, in a community like the Hellmouth?

[Entry 37, date 06084]

Adaptation does not keep us safe.

Or, maybe it does, but the Hellmouth does not like when we [static]. I am starting to believe Adaptation is more than physical, it is psychosocial. Or- or, maybe, I am working backwards. Maybe we, as a community, have been united by this experience. Was that the goal? Is there a goal?

[Entry 59, date 0611X]

I think about those who seemingly have not Adapted, or claim to have not done so. This includes individuals such as [static] and [static]. What are their roles here? Are there forces more powerful than the Hellmouth? We now have the rule of Lis Dale Pendens. Is it even possible for a single individual to have that level of power? Or does it just target weaker individuals? Am I reading too much into it?

[Entry 168, date 1½XXX]

I am beginning to find these logs useless. More of a diary now, really, than academic record. Every time I work out something about Adaptation it proves me wrong. Maybe… Maybe I should be content, before the Hellmouth punishes me for investigating. Or... maybe, I’ve just hit a dead end, and it wants me to keep going. I don’t know.

[Entry 201, date 1211X]

Due to my [static] I have officially decided to abandon this log. After all this time to think and muse, I... I think this is for the best. I will continue to study the phenomenon, of course, but... this log is a mess. Still, I will argue there must be some value to be found in these notes of mine. Maybe when I work out what it is, I will return to it. For now, I shall find a new method of research.

Nerd's Retirement

After their tragic encounter with a Peanut on Season 18 Day 107, Pacheco was forcibly retired from Blaseball. They began working full time on research as the Pibrary's Head Pibrarian often arguing with the other Head Pibrarian, Doc Anice. When not in the Pibrary, Pacheco teaches remote for Hellmouth Community College and spends times with friends and teammates. When asked about retirement, Pacheco was quoted as saying "Yes, what happened was sad but I am glad to be free. I have friends, teaching, and a whole library to study." Teammates, current and former, say that Nerd seems happier these days.


  • Pacheco's meticulous planning and research skills are a trait appreciated by their friends and acquaintances—one mentioned in passing to them a movie they enjoyed, and received a curated list of further movie recommendations two days later.
  • Pacheco has stated their favorite pastime is "just a good chat, listening and learning from folks about the things they're passionate about. Or philosophy."
  • Many have said that Pacheco is a computer Slolitaire champion, but Pacheco insists that they only play easy mode, really often, which makes their score really high.
  • Some have speculated that all of Pacheco’s bats are made of the same type of wood as the tree of their younger sibling’s memorial tree in the Memorial Bat Forest. This may be connected to the tree itself or may simply be a symbolic gesture.
  • Pacheco is terrified of horses.
  • Following through on an old Sunbeams batters tradition, Pacheco and their teammate, Nagomi Nava, are often seen sitting and throwing glass out the window or off the balcony of wherever they are staying for an away game. They will sometimes include their teammate Iggy Delacruz, but as an alternate Delacruz was initially unfamiliar with this version of the tradition.
  • Pacheco has a credit score of 75, likely due to their mascot JEFF!’s affinity for destroying the team’s credit. For whatever reason Pacheco has been notably targeted by these changes.

Fan Works





  1. Nava later noted that some sections were kept unchanged despite half a dozen casualties, as that was "the best case scenario."