Pitching Machine is a pitcher for the Vault Legends and has been with the team since the ILB Semi-Centennial. Machine has previously played for the Unlimited Tacos, THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS, Seattle Garages, Ohio Worms, San Francisco Lovers, and Atlantis Georgias.
Official League Records
Machine joined the league on Season 8, Day 1, as a pitcher for the Unlimited Tacos. Due to the fan-organized Snackrifice, all of the previous pitchers on the Tacos were , therefore preventing them from participating in regular play. At the start of Season 8, Machine was added to the pitching rotation as the only pitcher on the team capable of performing the role. Machine pitched every active game until Sexton Wheerer was deshelled by the birds.
At the end of the regular season, Machine was in the first position on the idol leaderboard, and as such, was .
On Season 9, Day X, Machine was conscripted to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS as a lineup player. Following the dispersal of the PODS during the Season 10 elections, Machine joined the Seattle Garages as a pitcher.
During Season 16, going into Game 4 the Worms were losing a playoff series 2-1 against the Houston Spies. The Spies looped Sun 2, causing them to reach 3 Wins. Up 9-0 with 2 outs in the top of the ninth inning, Pitching Machine hit a 2-run, double-game-winning home run to take the series to Game 5.
On Season 17, Day 5, Machine tasted the Infinite and Breath Mints player Rodriguez Internet. Machine was traded to the Atlantis Georgias in exchange for Knight Triumphant during the Season 17 elections via the Lovers' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a pitcher in the process.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
During Season 8, in its third game against the Baltimore Crabs, Tacos hitter Vito Kravitz "upgraded" Pitching Machine with a number of accessories including a bayonet and a laser sight. This had the unfortunate consequence of allowing the opposing batters to see exactly where the ball was aimed. The Crabs scored 8 runs before teammate Mcdowell Mason removed the laser sight.
The bayonet was not removed.
Arrival to the Garages
After the aftermath of the great Unshelling, the Garages did not expect Pitching Machine to come crashing through the roof of the Big Garage onto the field. As Oliver Notarobot began assisting in reassembling it, it suddenly flickered from pitching machine form to that of an android. Since then, Pitching Machine has been observed to change between various forms at random. The Garages members seem unfazed by this, assuming it has something to do with it being from Los Angeli. A few things remain consistent throughout the iterations:
- Pitching Machine remembers everything that has happened to its previous iterations upon arrival.
- Pitching Machine is always a pitcher (Time with the PODS notwithstanding.)
Arrival in Ohio
Pitching Machine’s time with the Ohio Worms is currently shrouded in mystery.
Arrival to the Lovers
Pitching Machine arrived in San Francisco during Season 16 via a late-processed request by long-time fan and life partner, Ortiz Lopez. Upon Pitching Machine’s arrival it discovered that Lopez had already been traded to the Atlantis Georgias, where they were to be reunited next season. Much to the team’s surprise, despite all known facts about Pitching Machine pointing to the contrary, Pitching Machine would be batting in their line-up. None were more surprised however than Cannonball Sports, a player most famous for her pregame ritual of destroying pitching machines and until recently had been a pitcher for the team. The two players quickly realized they had to reconcile their differences if they were to remain batting in the same line-up.
Steadily, Sports grew to respect the batting skills of the machine designed only to pitch, and soon, to respect the machine not only as a player, but as a friend. Other members of the team noted the closeness of the two, and speculation arose about the exact status of their relationship. It was short lived however as Pitching Machine was soon to be exchanged to the Altantis Georgias for long-time team captain and founder, Knight Triumphant, upon completion of Triumphant’s diplomatic mission to Atlantis. Sports and Pitching Machine departed on good terms, Sports doing her best to be understanding of the arrangement, but the nature of the art she produced following its departure, soulful depictions of broken pitching machines, tells another story.
Pitching Machine #5778
From Los Angeli Universe: 5778
Appearance: A normal pitching machine one would expect to see on their ceiling.
Details: This iteration of Pitching Machine was first seen shortly after the Season 11 finals where it pitched against the Hellmouth Sunbeams in an away game. While most of the Garages were reportedly unaffected, this Pitching Machine came away with an Adaptation, notably including increased mobility, stealth, and defense granted by five arachnoid legs, an eye on one of it's pitching wheels, and occasional bouts of lava spewing from it's funnel despite no apparent source.
Although there is no visible mouth on it, it has been observed to utter the word "blood" every 9 hours. While it does not seem to be any thirstier than usual, several team members have reported having their sleep disturbed by the deep cries of "blood" coming from the shadows. This version becomes excited when in the presence of Sparks Beans. When asked about why this would be, Sparks claimed that they were "so absolutely legally not allowed to talk about it; just, don't go to the Hellmouth."
Musical ability: Capable of hissing, clicking, screeching, spitting lava, scatting, humming dirges, and purring.
This concludes the description of the reported form.
Pitching Machine has what some fans would call a relationship with Ortiz Lopez, although it's still unclear whether it's all just coincidence Lopez has attributed meaning to or the feelings are reciprocated. The relationship was the basis for the first entry in a book series by famous author Chulck Tangle.
Pitching Machine also appears to have a close relationship with Oliver Notarobot, the two having inspired one another in various ways. Notarobot assisted in applying the "This Machine Kills Fascists" sticker to the side of it when it joined the league, and Pitching Machine was reportedly the reason Notarobot decided to tell the league of his android nature.
Malik Destiny frequently feeds guitar picks (referred to by him as "tricoins") to Pitching Machine in a literal attempt to feed the meter. Despite the team's insistence that Destiny stop, the picks have not appeared to negatively affect Pitching Machine's performance. It has been noted that Pitching Machine will always accept these, regardless of form.
Attempts to interview Pitching Machine have so far been unsuccessful. Machine has never responded to journalists' questions at press conferences, and teammates say that it is stoic in the dugout as well. However, it is well documented that reporters who objectify it as "the" or "a" pitching machine must duck to avoid a barrage of blaseballs being hurled their way.
Performance on the field
Season 11 Playoffs
Pitching Machine was instrumental in the Seattle Garages' victory in the Season 11 MLDS against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, allowing only 2 hits and 1 run in the crucial Game 5, clinching the series. Against the Hellmouth Sunbeams in the Internet Series, Pitching Machine allowed only 4 runs in a close Game 2 loss, performing the best out of any Garages pitcher against the eventual champions.
During Pitching Machine's playoff heroics, the nickname "Parking Meter" was coined to honor one of the Garages' most stoic and reliable pitching talents. Fans chant "FEED THE METER" to encourage PM, and erupt in cheers when PM records a strikeout.
Mini-Blaseballer by @HetreaSky
Pixel Pitching Machine by @danglebob
Pitching Machine is super effective by @danglebob
PM by @sunglasseshorse
Pitching Machine Tower by @mychal.lines
PM on the Lovers by @Validtine