Oliver Notarobot

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Oliver Notarobot is a lineup player for the Seattle Garages and has played for the team since Season 8. Notarobot formerly played for the Canada Moist Talkers from Season 1 to Season 2, and with the Baltimore Crabs from Season 3 to Season 7.

Official League Records

Debut

Notarobot joined the league in Season 1, playing as a pitcher for the Canada Moist Talkers.

Casualty of Defection

During the Season 2 election results, the Canada Moist Talkers were awarded the Defection blessing and gained "the best pitcher in the league," PolkaDot Patterson of the Baltimore Crabs. Notarobot was randomly selected to play for the Crabs in exchange for Patterson.

Season 4 Elections

During the Season 4 Election Results, Notarobot was swapped with an Alternate due to the Alternate Reality decree. This involved a randomization of stats, including major increases in pitching ability from to .

During the Season 4 election, Notarobot swapped positions from pitcher to lineup player as a result of the The Best Defense blessing. Notarobot has been a competent batter throughout their career so far, with a batting ability of both before and after Alternate Reality, and this swap would put Notarobot to good use.

Season 5 Elections

During the Season 5 Election Results, Notarobot received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' Horde Hallucinations and Rollback Netcode blessings. This includes an increase in batting ability from to and baserunning ability from to .

Season 7 Elections

Notarobot was swapped from the Baltimore Crabs to the Seattle Garages in the Season 7 Elections, bringing Luis Acevedo to the Crabs.

Coffee Cup

During the Coffee Cup, Notarobot played for Heavy FC as a lineup player.

Season 23

During the Season 23 elections, Notarobot's hitting was boosted from 4.6 -> 5.5 as a result of the Season 4: Precognition blessing.

History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Oliver Notarobot (/nəʊtɑːˈrəʊbəʊ/) is a part human, part machine, all Person blaseball player. He cannot hold the ball very well with his skin claws, which are pincer-shaped like the hands of a lego man, but he tries his best, and that's all that matters in blaseball, except for winning and never, ever ███████ when ██████ ██ ████.

Early Life

Oliver Notarobot grew up in a Francophone family in Sherbrooke, Quebec, Canada. Little is known about his family, though Notarobot has described his early childhood as "both hermitic and hermetic" and his only known parent as a "disgruntled machinist who pushed me out of their human birth canal" in interviews. He studied at a real school for human children, where he learned basic life skills like arithmetic, alchemy, English, Spanish, painting, and having lungs. His time there also kindled a lifelong passion for playing Blaseball in his real, beating heart inside of his bone ribs.

Afterwards, he graduated from a real university with a degree in Blaseball Studies.

Career with the Canada Moist Talkers

For Season 1 and Season 2, Oliver Notarobot made his ILB debut playing for the Canada Moist Talkers. During his tenure with the team, Notarobot became a beloved if unimpressive pitcher on the Moist Talker's rotation. When Notarobot left the Moist Talkers, Water Quality Experts from the Order of Dampistry reported increases in both volume and salinity of the water in the region following his departure.

Career with the Baltimore Crabs

Following the Season 2 election, the Blaseball Gods blessed the Moist Talkers with the defection of Crabs star pitcher PolkaDot Patterson. In Patterson's place, Notarobot readied his very human lungs to go above water to join the Crabs at the Oldest Bay, where he was embraced by the Crabs fans, often affectionately referred to as "[their] beautiful good good skin boy." Notarobot was sad to leave the Moist Talkers, but when asked for a comment about their new team, had this to say: "I'm just saying, the Moist Talkers stadium is not the most welcoming for robots. Theoretically speaking, of course. I am very eager to play in a stadium where my skin-seams won't get as wet." As a sign of good will, Notarobot was granted a small dinghy upon his arrival to the Crabitat, which is partially submerged.

When Axel Trololol was traded to the Crabs in Season 5, Notarobot was surprised by his new, openly mechanical teammate. Being told that he would be family no matter who he was was one thing, but seeing in action what he knew only in word through Baltimore's warm welcome of Trololol brought his insecurities to question harder than any assurance from a non-mechanical individual ever could. Not wanting to burden Trololol with these doubts, Notarobot was hesitant to form a connection with him, though the now fire boat was rambunctiously forward and personable to everyone he met. For a time, they were like strangers to one another despite both clearly wishing to be closer.

Of course, that wouldn't do for Crabs resident shipper Sutton Dreamy, who who arranged a prank to break the ice with teammate Parker Parra. The two asked Notarobot to sail Trololol out to the center of the bay to retrieve stray merchandise that floated off from one of the barges parked near the Crabitat, and Notarobot did so, not realizing that Parra and Dreamy had drained Trololol's fuel tank near-dry in the night. Unfortunately, what was supposed be a few hours stranded in the Oldest Bay with no one but each other for conversation ended up being closer to two days, as a thick and sightless fog rolled in from seemingly nowhere and by no hand at all, making retrieval of the two far more difficult.

No one knows what conversations took place between the two over those sightless, timeless hours. They don't say themselves. But Notarobot and Trololol have been inseparable ever since, speaking late into the night about all sorts of things. Notarobot became more confident in his sense of self, and with it came a longing to explore beyond the confines of his dinghy home.

(Notarobot has piloted Trololol like a mech on more than one occasion and it is exactly as cute as you think)

Career with the Seattle Garages

After getting swapped for Luis Acevedo, Oliver was met with warm welcomes from the Garages. As the team already had an Oliver, Oliver Mueller, on their roster, Notarobot opened up, revealing that his given name was OLL-E Ver. Notarobot, and the team took to calling him Oll-E or Ver. Since then, Notarobot has come into their own on the Garages. He began showing more and more of his synthetic side, participating in jam sessions with his built in drum machine and synthesizer. Team captain Theodore Duende was particularly excited to find out that Notarobot had a built in 6-slot bagel toaster. Upon finally disclosing to the team that he is, in fact, not a flesh and blood human, and that his last name is pronounced "Notarobo", as it is a French Canadian last name and they love their silent Ts, the team embraced him happily, making sure to show him that organic or not, the team loved him regardless.

While assisting Oliver Mueller with creating custom roller skates for teammate Summers Pony, Notarobot hit upon the idea of starting a skate shop. The pair were quickly joined by Oliver Loofah and founded Oliver Best Repairs, located in the Seattle Shadows Co-Op. The shop has been a great success, frequented by many members of the team whether they skate recreationally or are simply preparing for the Grind Rail.

Due to his passion for fake mustaches, Notarobot has become skilled in creating false IDs for both practical and joke purposes. Notarobot was first approached about providing both by Arturo Huerta shortly after being flipped Negative. Prior to becoming Negative, Notarobot was the only person able to perceive and remember what Huerta looked like, but was unable to describe what they looked like due to technical glitches, and Huerta used this to their advantage to lightly torment him. Despite his denials to the fact, Notarobot and Huerta had a close bond over this, so when Negative caused Huerta to become not only memorable but hard to look away from, Notarobot was happy to help his friend attempt to regain anonymity. Unfortunately, Huerta is now recognizable by his mustache, and he is memorable for his assortment of identities.

Notarobot's relationship with team member Tot Clark was contentious for his first few seasons on the team, as he replaced Luis Acevedo in the trade in Season 8. However, during Seasons 11, 12, and the Grand Siesta, the two often found themselves on the roof of the Big Garage together, sharing a telescope to check on the Baltimore Crabs while they were Up. The two swapped stories about the team and Acevedo, and have been friends since.

Notarobot got along well with Sparks Beans typically, although they have an occasional prank streak where they might deliver a small static shock to him. While corporeal, Beans would typically stay a certain distance away from Notarobot to prevent unintentional sparks from shocking him too badly. After incineration, Beans has become much more capable at controlling their electricity in their fully elemental form. While this has led to a decrease in accidental shocks, they have begun to sporadically inhabit Notarobot to take him on "joy rides" around town. "You went through all the trouble to become waterproof," Beans said, "you have to live a little and enjoy the coffee you've missed out on!"

Notarobot, when asked for their feelings on the matter, sputtered and huffed in indignation. He has subsequently worked on motorizing several Master Grade gunpla to give Beans a more "not him" outlet of possession.

Launch Day

After the introduction of Pitching Machine to the league in Season 8, Notarobot spoke with the Garages about coming forward not only to his teammates now, but to the blaseball world. With the team at his back, he made a public statement on Day 29 of Season 8.

These past seven seasons have been a personal journey for me, from the sidelines to the spotlight. I began this journey hiding from my own team, and much of it was spent hiding from my fans, but the saddest thing is that for all of it, I have been hiding from myself. And now, as mechanical players take center stage in outcry against the gods, I am coming forward unashamed to support my comrade and friend, Pitching Machine. I am a synthetic human, a machine. Thanks to all the friends I didn't know I had, I've learned that I do not need to be a flesh and blood human to matter in Blaseball. I don't need to be a flesh and blood human to matter, period. My name is Oll-E Ver. Notarobot, and I am an out and proud android. Hello, world! Let's make Blaseball a better place for mechanical lifeforms

To commemorate Notarobot's 1.0 Launch, Farrell Seagull painted The Speech on the side of what used to be the Dark Seattle Police Department Headquarters building. Shortly after the speech, the Committee for ILB issued a press release.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: who the --- did this? that was official?? parker you're coming in on the weekend to clean this up. [expletives] oh, uh, they took me off hold? hang on, *cough* The previous intern-interim-commissioner who pushed the rule has been dealt with, and such rules have been omitted. We will be forming a committee to investigate how we can do better going forward. thank you for your patience.

The rule against synthetic lifeforms then disappeared from any existing rulebooks.

Activism

Notarobot advocates strongly for improved accessibility in Blaseball, predominantly through the removal of the Captchas all players have to solve in order to be allowed onto the pitch, something he has notably struggled with on several occasions. More controversially, he also campaigned for the de-moistening of the Moist Talkers' home field, Spittle Park, claiming that "The water might get into some important wiring or something. I don't know. It could be a health and safety hazard if we- if we ever walked back the rules on not letting androids play blaseball. If people ever wanted to do that, I mean, I don't care either way. But some people might want that. To let robots play blaseball. Maybe it'd be really good if we just gave them a chance."

Notarobot headed some of the most comprehensive accessibility overhauls ever made in splort during their time with the Crabs. Where the Crabitat was once originally built atop and within slick and still-meaty carapace and was only accessible by ferry or gondola, where stairways spiral up from the leggy fields beneath the waves, where no charging ports could be found near any of the seating areas, now the Crabitat is one of the most open and accessible spaces in Baltimore. Fans of all sorts can participate in the cultural event whether they choose to watch the game itself, listen in to the clawmentators, or receive updates via UDP over wi-fi and ethernet. Squadrons of hermit crabs have been trained to assist with vertical accessibility, and an underground tunnel shaped exactly like the inverse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge has been dug beneath the stadium with free shuttles for anyone unwilling or unable to cross over the treacherously placid waters of the Bay.

During his time as a pitcher, Notarobot wore a signature pitcher's glove which featured the words "This Notamachine Kills Fascists" painted along the side. Though Notarobot was not known for his strong pitching, it may have been due to the fact that he tends to prioritize aiming at the heads of nearby authority figures over aiming towards the strike zone.

After the Los Angeli Unlimited Tacos gained their newest pitcher, Pitching Machine, Notarobot took a trip down to Los Angeli and helped paint "This Machine Kills Fascists" on the sideplate. When asked, Oll-E says they consider Pitching Machine to be a friend, and an inspiration.

Notarobot often acts as a mentor towards other artificially-created players, helping them with discovering their identity. He assisted Aldon Cashmoney IV (aka “Quarters”) with settling in during vis time on the Garages, and has been advising Jaylen Hotdogfingers’ robotic Alternate Botdogfingers in both her struggles with identity and personhood and her batting abilities. Both Quarters and Botdogfingers are adorned with his customary “This Machine Kills Fascists” sticker.

Music

Notarobot maintains a collection of vintage drum machines, including a lovingly-restored Roland CompuRhythm CR-78 which he refers to as "Uncle Steve". Discussing his passion for late-Seventies electronic instruments in Retro Synth magazine, he stated: "my heart beats to the Rock-1 rhythm from a Casio VL-1." It is not clear whether this is literally or only figuratively true.

He and team-mate Allison Abbott have formed a coldwave duo called Beep Boop. Upon Abbott's departure and shift into folk punk, Notarobot began experimenting with making music out of old hardware, his favorite being the modem and the floppy drive.

Since the sudden arrival of pitcher Durham Spaceman, Notarobot and Spaceman have been seen spending time with one another. When asked for comment, Notarobot said they were collaborating on something "truly out of this world."

In Literature

Crabs poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Notarobot:

Human is as human does,
And though his manners are bizarre
The human-est that ever was
Is Oliver, Crabs pitching star

His hands appear as metal claws
Though most humanely he does pitch
He fights all fascists, and God’s laws
His personality’s no glitch

He sleeps within his dinghy dry
As any human would prefer
And none who see him can deny
His playing is quite amateur

Yet, in that word we see the truth
That sets dear Oliver apart:
Notarobot’s no Blabe Ruth
But few real humans have such heart.

Fan Works

Oliver Notarobot is the focus of the following songs: