Pitching Machine/Rumor Registry
Rumors
Pitching Machine has 7 Rumors written about so far.
Pitching Machine/IF-244.8
Pitching Machine #2448
From Los Angeli Universe: 2448
Appearance: A traditional Pitching Machine, adorned in stickers. Modified by Oll-E to have robotic crab-like legs for moving around.
Details: The version of Pitching Machine that first appeared to the Garages. When Notarobot was fixing it up, Pitching Machine 2448 requested legs with joints to better facilitate movement. Notarobot, wanting to pay tribute to the newly ascended crabs, fashioned multi jointed legs similar to that of crab legs.
Musical Ability: Pitching Machine 2448 contributes to the band in a number of ways. It enjoys pitching balls at a far away drum for a dramatic reverb, it has begun learning how to use a foot pedal drum with it's new mobile legs, and it has even reported to be able to "sing".Pitching Machine/IF-43.49
Pitching Machine #4349
From Los Angeli Universe: 4349
Appearance: PM is a standard-issue counterbalance forklift with custom Garages-branding coloring. The counterbalance weight in the rear of the forklift can occasionally be heard to slosh when PM builds up speed or brakes sharply, though no known liquid possess a high enough density to act as a safe counterweight. The counterweight unit has no clear cap or hole where liquids may even be added, though it has been observed to rattle ominously when PM siphons blood.
For fielding purposes, PM is equipped with a glove, with a sign pointing to the glove that says "glove⤴️". The sign is affixed per HCFSSB regulation 21 C.F.R. 1910 §178(a)(5), which states that attachments other than factory-installed ones are appropriately marked.
Details: PM pitches by doing donuts around the pitchers' mound, and releasing at an opportune moment. Additionally, as this PM does not have two left hands, according to HCFSSB guidelines it cannot safely disembark from a forklift.
Musical Ability: PM plays a custom-built extra-large keyboard, and plays exclusively in diads by lowering its fork-prongs onto the keys.Pitching Machine/IF-4779.5
Pitching Machine #47795
From Los Angeli Universe: 47795
Appearance: This iteration of Pitching Machine is a standard human who has dedicated its life to the art of pitching.
Details: It can throw with uncanny precision gained through years of training, but has trouble focusing on things entirely unrelated to pitching.
Musical Ability: Now that it’s on the Garages, it has been trying to see how many instruments can be played by pitching at them. Percussion is easy, but it also likes to set up a line of theremins and pitch past them to make them play songs. Experiments with wind instruments are ongoing.Pitching Machine/IF-57.78
Pitching Machine #5778
From Los Angeli Universe: 5778
Appearance: A normal pitching machine one would expect to see on their ceiling.
Details: This iteration of Pitching Machine was first seen shortly after the Season 11 finals where it pitched against the Hellmouth Sunbeams in an away game. While most of the Garages were reportedly unaffected, this Pitching Machine came away with an Adaptation, notably including increased mobility, stealth, and defense granted by five arachnoid legs, an eye on one of it's pitching wheels, and occasional bouts of lava spewing from it's funnel despite no apparent source.
Although there is no visible mouth on it, it has been observed to utter the word "blood" every 9 hours. While it does not seem to be any thirstier than usual, several team members have reported having their sleep disturbed by the deep cries of "blood" coming from the shadows. This version becomes excited when in the presence of Sparks Beans. When asked about why this would be, Sparks claimed that they were "so absolutely legally not allowed to talk about it; just, don't go to the Hellmouth."
Musical ability: Capable of hissing, clicking, screeching, spitting lava, scatting, humming dirges, and purring.Pitching Machine/IF-61.20
Pitching Machine #6120
From Los Angeli Universe: 6120
Appearance: Pitching Machine is a synthetic humanoid cyborg custom built from a mixture of organic and manufactured parts and has a distinctive seem-stitched appearance.
Details: Pitching Machine (nicknamed “Pitches”) claims to have been assembled as official ILB equipment and kept on hand in case of emergency situations where play might be interrupted in defiance of league rules. The ILB offices have not responded to repeated requests for comment on their manufacturing processes or their sourcing of human components.
While most other versions of Pitching Machine go by It/Its pronouns, Pitches is noteworthy for identifying as She/Her.
Pitches is publicly known to be romantically involved with Tigers' batter Zion Aliciakeyes, a fact that has stirred endless speculation about her poor performance on the mound during game 4 of the Season 12 Internet Series between the Hades Tigers and the Seattle Garages. While most members of the Garages have been publicly critical of such accusations of unsplortmanlike conduct, few were willing to speculate on the matter. Garages line-up batter Sparks Beans was the sole player willing to make a full statement at the post-game press event, saying “What happened with PM? Easy: She was too gay to function out there. Happens to the best of us.” (Beans declined to answer any follow up questions, declaring that they were “bored now” and leaving).
Musical Ability: Despite appearances, Pitches claims to be a classically trained vocalist. She attributes this aptitude to a miscommunication early in her design process.Pitching Machine/IF-824.01
Pitching Machine #82401
From Los Angeli Universe: 82401
Appearance and Details: Originally created by a young Tacos' fan, Spuddy the potato cannon was added to the team's Rotation when (by threat of the Peanut itself) the team was forced to adopt a new pitcher following the events of The Snackrifice. Though originally thought that the sentient heap of duct tape and PVC pipe would immediately fall apart, it turned out it was made by quite the clever child and eventually came to earn the loving nickname fans and fellow league members came to give it.
Pitching Machine (or PM for short) often utilizes a fakeout pitch tactic to confuse sometimes even the greatest of ILB batters by launching a yukon gold potato into the air, not unlike a mortar strike, before loading in the actual ball and pitching it straight towards the catcher's mitt. Though other players have attempted to claim such methods as unfair, these were immediately dismissed when the Commissioner stated, "Uhhh... It's a potato cannon?"
Musical Ability: PM often enjoys spending time with it's child creator, found often times (even right before games) partaking in an ongoing LARP campaign set in a cyberpunk universe. This even resulted in some of the fellow Tacos players joining said campaign, continuing to meetup even after PM's transfer to the Seattle Garages. Whilst playing for the Garages, it was discovered that by drilling holes in the length of the barrel, PM could not only achieve faster pitches but could add musical accompaniment in what many have bandmates have described as "a highly-pressured bassoon, but like... in a good way?"Pitching Machine/IF-844.2
Pitching Machine #8442
From Los Angeli Universe: 8442
Appearance: A Pitching Machine with a trombone in place of the typical chute. Its bayonet is affixed to its slide tube.
Details: After getting annoyed at people asking about their last name and if they play the trombone, Garages pitcher Betsy Trombone fashioned this version of Pitching Machine[1], affixing a functional Trombone to its chassis in place of its normal mechanisms. It seems to have an affinity for Betsy, taking after them and threatening to stab anyone within slide tube range. It is capable of firing balls from its horn, though it does need its spitvalve cleared out once every inning.
Musical ability: Doot! This iteration often contributes to the ska band made up of Betsy Trombone, Ollie Mueller, Summers Pony, and Farrell Seagull.
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