The Dallas Steaks are a Blaseball team in the Awful Evil division in the Evil League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season AA. Before Fall Ball, they were in the Mild High division in the Mild League.
Shadows are currently unknown or unavailable.
- Lars Mendoza (Season 2 Day 51; replaced by Marco Stink)
- Zi Delacruz (Season 2 Day 72; replaced by Thomas Kirby)
- Langley Wheeler (Postseason 3 Day 103; replaced by Kline Greenlemon)
- Stevenson Monstera (Season 4 Day 50; replaced by Combs Estes)
- Sebastian Telephone (Season 7 Day 67, after being made Unstable when hit by a pitch from Jaylen Hotdogfingers on day 65; replaced by Gallup Crueller)
- August Mina (due to the Kill Your Darling blessing in Season 9, replaced by Kit Adamses)
- Allison Abbott (Season 17 Day 62; replaced by Frankie Incarnate)
- Thomas Kirby (Season 4 Day 4; replaced by Paula Mason)
- Summers Pony (Season 8 Day 27; replaced by Rai Spliff)
- Paula Mason (Season 8 Day 56; replaced by Allison Abbott)
- Marco Stink (Season 8 Day 62; replaced by Dickerson Morse)
- Gabriel Griffith (Season 9 Day 69; replaced by Sixpack Dogwalker)
- Conner Haley (Season 18 Day 85; replaced by Knight Triumphant)
Blessings and Trades
- Jessica Telephone (stolen by Philly Pies in Season β1 elections; replaced by August Mina)
- Combs Estes (replaced August Sky on the Breckenridge Jazz Hands through the The Plan? Hit From The Mound blessing during the Season β5 elections)
- August Sky (exchanged for Holden Stanton of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands through the Exchange will during the Season β13 elections.)
- Sixpack Dogwalker (exchanged for PolkaDot Patterson of the Canada Moist Talkers through the Plunder will during the Season β15 elections.)
- PolkaDot Patterson (exchanged for Zoey Kirchner of the Core Mechanics through the Plunder will during the Season β16 elections.)
- Cory Ross (exchanged for Engine Eberhardt of the Tokyo Lift through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β18 elections.)
- Engine Eberhardt (exchanged for Cory Ross of the Tokyo Lift through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β19 elections.)
- Kline Greenlemon (exchanged for Jessica Telephone of the Tokyo Lift through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β19 elections.)
- Dickerson Morse (exchanged for Wyatt Mason IV of the Atlantis Georgias through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β19 elections.)
- Zoey Kirchner (exchanged for Shirai McElroy of the Core Mechanics through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β20 elections.)
- Shirai McElroy (no replacement, to the Core Mechanics through the Move Will during the Season β20 elections.)
- Knight Triumphant (exchanged for Engine Eberhardt of the Tokyo Lift through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β20 elections.)
- Baldwin Breadwinner (no replacement, to the Yellowstone Magic through Super Roamin' on Season β22, Day 90)
- Conner Haley (exchanged for Jessica Telephone of the Charleston Shoe Thieves through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β22 elections.)
- Engine Eberhardt (exchanged for Knight Triumphant of the Tokyo Lift through the Equivalent Exchange will during the Season β22 elections.)
- Reese Harrington (no replacement, to the Seattle Garages through the Gachapon blessing during the Season β22 elections.)
- Tybal Quimby (no replacement, to the LA Unlimited Tacos through the Gachapon blessing during the Season β23 elections.)
Faded to Dust
Phantom Thieves' Guild Heists
|1||56||56-43||.566||1st||2nd||—||Lost quarter-finals vs. Chicago Firefighters, 3-1|
|2||72||72-27||.727||1st||1st||—||Lost quarter-finals vs. Charleston Shoe Thieves, 3-2|
|3||55||55-44||.556||2nd||4th||—||Lost quarter-finals vs. New York Millennials, 3-1|
|4||56||56-43||.566||2nd||3rd||—||Lost quarter-finals vs. New York Millennials, 3-1|
|5||51||51-48||.515||3rd||4th||—||Lost quarter-finals vs. San Francisco Lovers, 3-1||Advanced to postseason through tiebreaker place|
|6||48||48-51||.485||4th||5th||5||—||First time missing the postseason|
|7||46||46-53||.465||4th||7th||10||—||Received Targeted Shame for next season|
|8||59||59-40||.596||3rd||3rd||—||Lost quarter-finals vs. Hades Tigers, 3-1|
|9||52||52-47||.525||3rd||5th||8||—||Received Targeted Shame and Fifth Base for next season|
|11||51||51-47||.520||2nd||4th||—||Lost wild card games vs. Yellowstone Magic, 2-1||Set new single-game home run record of 23|
|13||56||58-41||.586||2nd||5th||1||—||Did not advance to playoffs based on tiebreaker place.|
|15||54||54-45||.545||2nd||5th||1||—||Did not advance to playoffs based on tiebreaker place.|
|16||73||74-25||.747||1st||1st||—||Won Internet Series vs Chicago Firefighters, 3-2||First Internet Series victory. Received Power Chaaarge|
|17||65||65-34||.657||2nd||3rd||—||Lost quarter-finals vs. Philly Pies, 3-1|
|18||53||52-47||.525||3rd||6th||2||—||Eliminated from playoff contention on the last day|
|19||-49||45-54||.455||3rd||5th||7||—||Turntables in effect this season|
|20||72||69-30||.697||1st||2nd||—||Lost Overbracket semi-finals vs. Core Mechanics, 3-1|
|21||46||34-65||.343||5th||10th||24||Lost Underbracket quarter-finals vs. Kansas City Breath Mints, 3-1|
|22||51||43-56||.434||6th||9th||17||Lost Underbracket quarter-finals vs. Hawai'i Fridays, 3-1|
The Dallas Steaks finished Season 1 as one of the 4 top scoring teams in the Good League, and advanced to the Internet Series playoffs. They were defeated and eliminated in the first round of the playoffs by the Chicago Firefighters.
The Steaks had an excellent Season 2, and ended the season with the best record in the League: 72 wins and 27 losses, securing themselves a seat in the Playoffs as the #1 seed from the Good League.
Despite taking an early 2 game lead in their Round 1 Playoff match versus the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Steaks were unable to clinch a third game win, and were eventually defeated by the Shoe Thieves 3-2 and eliminated from the Playoffs.
The Steaks did not receive any Blessings at the end of Season 2.
The Steaks faced tough competition in the Good League in Season 3. The Steaks had not been beefed up by any Season 2 Blessings, and 3 of their opponents in the Good League had received the powerful 4th Strike. The Steaks had a raw start to the season, going 0-3 in their first 3 games. After 28 games, the Steak's record was a pathetic 11-17. Many critics raked the Steaks over the coals, declaring the team burnt out, past their prime, or just plain cooked.
However, as the season progressed, the Steaks proved that they still had a little sizzle left in them. The team avoided the allergic reactions and incinerations that hamstrung many other teams during the season, and gradually warmed up and began bringing home the bacon for eager Steaks fans. With fan-favorite hitter Marco Stink gaining a star and a half after a peanut-assisted Yummy Reaction, the Steaks began to develop a depth of talent on the field that rivaled their depth of flavor off of it.
Near the end of Season 3, the Steaks found themselves in a spicy battle with the Yellowstone Magic for the final Good League postseason qualifier position. Where other, softer teams might have crumbled, the well-seasoned Steaks proved they could take the heat, smoking the Los Angeles Tacos 5-1 to finish the season 55-44 and make the cut for the postseason over the 53-46 Magic. Well Done indeed!
The Steaks were defeated 3-1 in the first round of the Season 3 Postseason by the New York Millennials.
The Steaks did not receive any blessings in the Season 3 election.
The Steaks faced tough competition in the Good League in Season 4. The Steaks had not been beefed up by any Season 3 Blessings, and the Chicago Firefighters received several key boosts to improve their team. The Steaks had a raw start to the season, going 3-6 in their first 9 games, during which Thomas Kirby left the team through a Feedback incident in Game 4, replaced by Paula Mason. After 34 games, the Steak's record was a pathetic 14-20. Many critics raked the Steaks over the coals, declaring the team burnt out, past their prime, or just plain cooked.
However, as the season progressed, the Steaks proved that they still had a little sizzle left in them. New team member Paula Mason became a powerhouse hitter in her new home, and though Stevenson Monstera was tragically incinerated during Game 50, his replacement, Combs Estes, began performing well above their star rating and, according to reports, received a nod from Coach in their very first game. The Steaks began to develop a depth of talent on the field that rivaled their depth of flavor off of it.
Near the end of Season 4, the Steaks carved through their opponents, going on a 14-1 run at one point. The well-seasoned Steaks proved they could take the heat, keeping the fires burning until the very end to finish the season 56-43 and make the cut for the postseason as the third-best team in the Good League. Well Done indeed!
The Steaks were defeated 3-1 in the first round of the Season 4 Postseason by the New York Millennials.
The Steaks did not receive any blessings in the Season 4 election.
The Steaks faced tough competition in the Good League in Season 5. The Steaks had not been beefed up by any Season 4 Blessings, and the San Francisco Lovers and Kansas City Breath Mints both received key boosts to improve their pitching. In addition, the Steaks' ace pitcher, Leach Herman, suffered a significant drop in performance, while Sebastian Telephone seemed to thrive following the Alternate Reality Decree. The Steaks had a raw start to the season, going 2-7 in their first 9 games. After 30 games, the Steak's record was a pathetic 11-19. Many critics raked the Steaks over the coals, declaring the team burnt out, past their prime, or just plain cooked.
However, as the season progressed, the Steaks proved that they still had a little sizzle left in them. Both Marco Stink and Paula Mason shone in the lineup, and Conner Haley found himself winning several close games thanks to his teammates' bats and a few key last-inning pitches. The Steaks began to develop a depth of talent on the field that rivaled their depth of flavor off of it.
Near the end of Season 5, the Steaks found themselves in a spicy battle with the Kansas City Breath Mints for the final Good League postseason qualifier position. Where other, softer teams might have crumbled, the well-seasoned Steaks proved they could take the heat, sweeping their final series against the Breckenridge Jazz Hands to finish the season 51-48 and make the cut for the postseason over the 51-48 Breath Mints thanks to Divine Favor. Well Done indeed!
The Steaks were defeated 3-1 in the first round of the Season 5 Postseason by the San Francisco Lovers.
The Steaks received the Mutual Aid and The Plan? Hit From The Mound blessings in the Season β5 Election. Further, as a result of the High Filter Decree, the Steaks moved from the Lawful Good division to the Mild High division.
The Steaks' sixth season started their first season in the Mild League's High Division with a flare-up of production, with their batters delivering a three-game sweep of the Canada Moist Talkers in their first series. Their performance mellowed after that, with their offense delivering consistent production and their defense and pitching occasionally letting them down. Through the first two-thirds of the season, the Steaks had neither a winning streak nor a losing streak over three games long. Just like with their grilling, the Steaks were looking for a nice, even sear.
New arrival August Sky proved to be a key member of the batting order, logging the highest batting average on the team at 0.318. Conner Haley, finally given an opportunity at batting instead of pitching, delivered 33 home runs for the Steaks, third-most in the League for the season. August Mina saw less success in her new role as a pitcher, but was a solid replacement for Haley's pitching, earning a respectable 9-11 record with a 5.34 ERA against a tough set of Mild High opponents.
On Days 61 and 62, the Blooddrain gurgled in the Steaks' favor, as Cory Ross siphoned defensive ability from Elijah Valenzuela from the Hawai'i Fridays and Summers Pony siphoned baserunning ability from Karato Bean, also from the Fridays. The Steaks experienced no other weather events during Season 6.
From Day 70 to Day 78, the Steaks went on a five-game winning streak and a four-game losing streak, respectively. By Day 79, critics were questioning if the Steaks had overextended themselves during the winning streak and were exhausted as a result. The Steaks, in an apparent effort to prove their critics wrong, scored 12 runs in the first three innings of their 79th game, running the score up to 19-7 over the Canada Moist Talkers by the bottom of the 9th inning. Those critics' concerns were almost justified as the Moist Talkers brought in six runs in the inning before Ronan Jaylee finally shut the grill lid, earning the Steaks a 19-13 victory and ending their longest losing streak of the season.
The rest of the Steaks' season proceeded without significant incident, as the four Mild League playoff spots had been all but secured by the top teams. The Steaks finished the season with a 48-51 record, fourth in the division and fifth in the Mild League by virtue of Divine Favor. They finished five games behind the Seattle Garages, who claimed the fourth and final playoff spot. This marked the first time in ILB history that the Steaks did not make the playoffs.
The Steaks scored at least one run in every game during Season 6, making them the only team never shut out during the season. They join the Season 3 New York Millennials and the Season 3 San Francisco Lovers as the only teams to achieve such a meaty feat, and are the first team to do so and miss the playoffs.
The Steaks received the Collect Call and Rate and Review, brought to you by The Multitude Podcast Collective blessings in the Season β6 Election.
Following the Season β9 Elections, the Steaks were subjected to Targeted Shame and the Fifth Base.
In the Season β13 elections, the Steaks received the wills Foreshadow, which brought forth Shadows player Zephyr McCloud in a swap for Sam Scandal, and Infuse, which boosted the combined star rating for Cory Ross.
In the Season β15 elections, the Steaks received the wills Move, sending Gallup Crueller to the Shadows, and Plunder trading Sixpack Dogwalker to the Canada Moist Talkers in exchange for PolkaDot Patterson. The Steaks also won the Clutch Up blessing, granting Allison Abbott the High Pressure modification for the following season.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
This section will contain a brief history of the Steaks, once they have one. For more information, please see Dallas Steaks/History.
- Coach - Coach
- Philomena A. Minyon - General Manager
- The Grill Master - Mascot
- Ham Sanders - Parapsychologist
For more on the Dallas Steaks' fan culture, see Dallas Steaks/Fan Culture
Fans of the Dallas Steaks are most commonly known as Meatheads, Grillers, Cowpokes, and Grilldads. They pride themselves on their acceptance of just about anyone, with no regard for gender, race, religion or sexual orientation, so long as they enjoy a good cookout (actual steak is optional).
The Collective Dadconscious
For more info, see The Collective Dadconscious
One of the great elemental forces of the universe, the Collective Dadconscious is a key part of the Dallas Steaks' fans. It permeates through all in attendance at a home game, stirring within them a desire for good puns, an ice cold drink, and cooking a steak Just Right.
Underleague Affiliate Teams
Triple-A: fanleagues:Mesquite Cutlets
Double-A: fanleagues:Ponder Osas
Single-A: fanleagues:Alma X's
Credit to @pyromanticarts
Also see, Dallas Steaks/Fan Art.
|Buried||Ingrid Alfredo · Oscar Dollie · Yams Sokol · Marco Stink|
|Stats||Season||1 · 2 · 3 · 4|
|Ballpark||George Fourman Stadium|
|Staff||The Grill Master · Coach|
|History||Dallas Steaks' History|
|Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏|