Barry Burkhard

From Blaseball Wiki

Barry Burkhard is a pitcher for the Dallas Steaks, and has been with the team since the Season 17 Endseason.

Official League Records

Burkhard joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Dallas Steaks as the Steaks' Season 17 Playoff Birth.

On Season 22, Day 30, Burkhard joined the Steaks' lineup in exchange for Holden Stanton at George Fourman Stadium via the Ratified Voicemail. On Day 80, Burkhard retreated to the Steaks' Shadows in exchange for Stanton at George Fourman Stadium via the Ratified Voicemail. On Day 83, Burkhard rejoined the Steaks' lineup in exchange for Stanton at George Fourman Stadium via the Ratified Voicemail. On Day 94, Burkhard again retreated to the Steaks' Shadows in exchange for Stanton at George Fourman Stadium via the Ratified Voicemail.

Over the course of Season 23, Burkhard entered and exited the Steaks' Shadows four times as a result of George Fourman Stadium's Voicemail events, ending the Season in the Shadows.

On Season 24, Day 64, Burkhard joined the Steaks' rotation in exchange for Sam Scandal due to Night.

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Biography


Teen Years

Not much is known about Barry Burkhard's teen years, except that he was "rad as hell" and that he did a lot of community service. There was a rumor once that he got into a dance battle with a raccoon and won his first pair of parachute pants from it.

College Years

Barry's college years would go down in history as absolutely legendary. After getting accepted on a full ride to Quinoa University to study Fashion Design, Barry met his best friend and roommate, Cory Ross. Together, they joined the Mu Lambda Mu fraternity and quickly became popular. Cory and Barry became the protectors of both the party and the vibes as they would make anyone and everyone feel safe at their parties. Anyone who violated the sacred party rules would quickly be kicked out and banned. This led to Barry getting the nickname The Party Knight.

SACRED PARTY RULES

  • don't be a creep
  • don't mess with someone else's drink
  • don't touch someone without consent
  • don't piss off The Party Knight
  • no underage drinking

As The Party Knight, Barry got into many fights protecting people from others that would violate the party rules. Barry was also known for the fastest shotgun, flip cup, and beer bong, as well as the longest keg stand, and the only four time winner of the Beer-lympics, only barely managing to beat Cory in Beer Mario Kart to eke out the victory.

After College

After college, Barry got a temp job at the local print shop. There, he was able to woo the local population of moms into letting him join their wine and cheese clubs, offering his famous beer and cheese fondue as a tasty alternative to the cubes and slices of cheese that the ladies were eating previously. The moms immediately fell in love and therefore Barry became a staple in every book club, PTA meeting, and HOA.

The Fax Machine

One night, Barry was working late at the print shop when he received a strange fax. The machine printed out a message that looked like a flyer to join a Blaseball team. Immediately after reading the message, the fax machine reached up, grabbed Barry, and pulled him through to a different dimension. Standing in front of him was a very nice looking young man with telephone buttons on his face. Sebastian Telephone then greeted Barry and asked him to join his Blaseball team. With nothing better to do, Barry agreed, becoming a pitcher for the Dallas Stacks, a pancake themed Blaseball team.

Time With the Dallas Stacks

Sebastian and Barry became quick friends. They used their combined charisma to get many people to join the Dallas Stacks, a team that thrived off of each of its players inviting other people to join so that they had the most players in the league. As Sebastian and Barry neared the top of the pyramid reverse funnel, they became more and more loved by their teammates, the league, and the fans. Barry, being a horrible pitcher, would refuse to bat so that Sebastian had more time at the plate.

An Alternate

Following a 7-0 victory over the Ponder Osas, Barry and Sebastian celebrated with a 36” party sub. On their way home, Barry's 1979 Fore LTD Country Squire with wood grain paneling ruptured a hole in time and space, localized entirely on the passenger side. Not wanting to abandon his friend, Barry slammed the brakes, spinning the entire car into the portal.

The pair emerged onto an unfamiliar Blaseball field. Philomena A. Minyon wasn't mad, just disappointed, with their arrival, as Barry’s car ruined the outfield’s striping. Needing a new Sebastian, she signed the Telephone twin on the spot. For ruining her perfect lawn, Phil forbade Barry from picking up a bat until the grass regrew. Barry was shocked to learn he had returned to his home dimension and that his friend Cory played blaseball. Despite Barry being in his 20s and Cory being in his 50s, they still got along great.

After Sebastian

Barry watched Sebastian's death live while he was working his job as a marketing executive. After waiting for 10 seasons, Barry asked Phil for a job on the lineup. She reluctantly agreed and placed him on the bench, where he waited patiently for his debut.