Gabriel Griffith is a player for the Baltimore Crabs, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Griffith has played for the Dallas Steaks, San Francisco Lovers, Hades Tigers, Hawai'i Fridays, and Chicago Firefighters.
Official League Records
On Day 85 of Season 3, Griffith pitched an Immaculate Inning against the Los Angeles Tacos, striking out Moses Simmons, Basilio Preston, and Mcdowell Sasquatch with nine pitches in the ninth inning. The Steaks went on to lose the game 3-2.
Griffith was traded to the Hades Tigers in exchange for NaN during the Season β14 elections via the Tigers' Exchange will. They were then traded to the Chicago Firefighters in exchange for Dunlap Figueroa via the Firefighters' Exchange will.
On Season β22, Day 21, Griffith retreated to the Firefighters' Shadows in exchange for Zi Sliders as a result of The Fire Safety Awareness Center's Fax Machine. On Day 24, Griffith joined the Firefighers' lineup in exchange for Clare Mccall at The Fire Safety Awareness Center via the Ratified Voicemail.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Gabriel "GG" Griffith (he/they) was the Steaks' resident warhorse, despite not possessing a drop of equine blood. Probably. Having served with the Steaks since the team's founding, he was a rock of consistency in a shifting lineup. His uniformity on the field is sharp contrast to rampant misinformation and slander about the rest of his life.
Griffith was cursed (or blessed) by capricious gods, but the nature of the curse (or blessing) is disputed. Some experts argue he is a man granted the head of an eagle, while others contend he is an eagle given the body of a man. Recent theories have circulated at Braum's that he's something else entirely, wearing a reclaimed mascot suit out of a misplaced sense of duty. Preliminary haruspecy funded by the Grillers Benevolent Association has been inconclusive but delicious.
Gabriel Griffith is known throughout the Internet Blaseball League for his paramount splortsmanship (or possibly his unrestrained arrogance). This controversy began with his habit of telling his opponents "GG" after games. One popular theory suggests Griffith repeats his initials rather than wishing them a good game. Likewise, his habit of appearing unprompted at fan cookouts is divisive. For every Grilldad pleased to learn the subtle science of the sizzle from a master, one would prefer to flip some burgs without all the play-by-play. Likewise, it's rare to see an autographed "King of the Grill" apron containing Griffith's name where it isn't obscuring someone else.
Feedback to the Fridays
After being swapped with Sixpack Dogwalker in Season 9, Griffith was welcomed with open arms and high vibes, even though the Fridays were disappointed see their dogs depart for a tour of the mainland. At the Fridays' team barbecue that evening, players were heard whispering and speculating about Griffith's degree of birdness, hoping Fletcher Yamamoto would take kindly to an ambiguously avian teammate. Stevenson Heat was overheard saying that "sometimes you just have to give away six dogs to get somewhere between 0 and 1 bird. That's a deal I'll take any Friday of the week."
Seeing the lack of consistent mascot, when not pitching, Griffith opted to act as the Fridays' mascot. Most fans and players have enjoyed the antics of Griffith as he runs around the stands. Fridays Captain Fletcher Yamamoto noted in one post game interview that he was "not [tweet] amused."
The official Bird Count of the Hawai'i Fridays was in dispute after Griffith's arrival. While some fans have a generous estimate of exactly 2 birds, the Fridays listed their Bird Count as 1.5±0.5 bird(s) to avoid legal trouble with other teams. The existence of birds whose quantities are non-integers, intervals, or statistical margins of error would also have far-reaching implications for the concept of legal birdhood. While many in the league remain skeptical, the Fridays welcome birds of all numbers to their team, including negative birds, imaginary birds, complex birds, transfinite/infinitesimal birds, and birds whose functions collapse when an observer attempts measurement.
Time on the Firefighters
Griffith joined the Firefighters after the departure of former ace pitcher Rivers Rosa during Season 14. Griffith took to firefighting with characteristic enthusiasm, claiming to have set a record for most cats rescued from trees in a month despite teammate Socks Maybe holding the record with 216 cat rescues. Griffith disputes this record, having been quoted as saying “climbing a tree and then jumping out yourself doesn’t count.”
During Season 19, tensions in the Fire House rose between Gabriel Griffith and the other Firefighters players as a result of Griffith's insistence that, as team captain, he should be on both the lineup and rotation of the Firefighters, allowing him to bat and pitch during every game. This was rebuffed by other Firefighters team captains, who indicated that they unfortunately could not change ILB rules to make that happen.
After Season 19 Griffith left the Firefighters, citing "irreconcilable differences" and played Season 20 as a batter for one of his previous teams, the Hawai'i Fridays. Griffith returned to the Firefighters in Season 21 after reaching an agreement, which provided Griffith the following:
- A Bugatti (which he calls the BuGGatti) and a Dodge Charger,
- Special dispensation to ignore the ban on private automobiles in Chicago during his tenure as a Firefighter, and
- A cameo appearance in Flast and Flurious 10. (It is unknown how the Firefighters secured this cameo role.)
Griffith later moved to the lineup during Season 22, when he was removed from the rotation via the Fire House fax machine, only to come out via voicemail 3 games later. In response to rumors that he deliberately threw a game to be able to bat, possibly wanting to follow teammate Lou Roseheart to the lineup, Griffith has given conflicting responses in interviews, alternately stating "I would never choose to lose a game on purpose" and "a pitcher of my caliber never makes mistakes."
- To perceive Griffith is to alter his state of being at any point in time and space. The effect on his curveball has yet to be determined.
- The divine community refuses to respond to requests for information pertaining to Griffith's background. This is suspicious, in and of itself. Usually they won't stop talking about themselves.
For more fanfiction, see the Gabriel Griffith tag on AO3.
- Prelude to a Gloogle Calendar Invitation by waltztangocache - Gabriel Griffith shows his teammates an interview he did.
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