Baltimore Crabs/History

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


The Baltimore Crabs were founded in Baltimore, Maryland in ██52 as a tribute to The Olde One. The name reportedly came to the people of the city in a dream. Many stories of that darker era have been lost, and the ebb and flow of history has been unkind indeed to those unlucky few whose names cling to memory.

Upon the founding of the Crabs, communion with the Crab Mother became more popularized in Baltimorean society. As blaseball itself popularized, the primary means of worship for the Mother Crab was channeled through the cultural event. Baltimore at large did not worship the blaseball gods, and played the splort independently through a complex cluster of underleagues.

Not much is recorded about the killing of the Olde One. It is considered extremely impolite to bring up around anyone who was involved, and even between one witness to another it is only referred to with a soured expression or a trailed off sentence. Insinuations that it may have been at the Olde One’s behest that the first god the city kill be their own has been met with troubled reactions such as "no, it wasn't like that..." while suggestions that it was a good thing to kill a god has seen Baltimoreans say "yes,'s hard to explain..." Emotions on record range from celebratory to grieving to indignant to harrowed to at peace to furious to revulsed, all from the same person in quick succession - the only Baltimorean to ever go on record about it. The only things that can be said in confidence about the event are:

  • The entire city participated in the act
  • The Baltimore Crabs were essential in the striking of the killing blow
  • It had to be done.

The Blaseball gods and the Baltimore Crabs formed an uneasy alliance during the Blaseball-Glolf Clonflict which lead to the inclusion of the Crabs into the Internet League, despite their deicidal tendencies and lack of table manners.

The Crabs have taken well to the cultural event of Blaseball, as has the city of Baltimore. New direction has been breathed into the city following the lull as millions collectively processed the ichor on their hands/claws, with Crabitat at the heart of this tempest. Across multiple interviews, members of the Crabs have said that they are driven to be the best blaseball players they can be, so that they may ascend to the gates of blaseball's pantheon and, repeated, "strangle the blaseball gods with [their] bare hands/claws."

Nobody has actually confirmed if ascension would achieve this.

Internet League Blaseball Begins

For a full season by season breakdown see the Crab's Season Summaries, starting from Season 1.