Helga Burton

From Blaseball Wiki

Helga Burton is a player for the Baltimore Crabs, and has been with the team since Season 1, Day 55. Burton has previously played for the San Francisco Lovers.

Official League Records

Burton joined the ILB as a lineup player for the San Francisco Lovers with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β14 elections, Burton retreated to the Lovers' Shadows in exchange for Percival Wheeler as a result of the Lovers' Foreshadow will, resulting in a combined 9.3 10 stat increase.

During the Season β15 elections, Burton rejoined the Lovers' active roster in exchange for NaN as a result of the Lovers' Foreshadow will, becoming a pitcher in the process.

During the Season β19 elections, Burton retreated to the Shadows in exchange for Mindy Salad as a result of the Lovers' Foreshadow will, resulting in a combined 10 10.7 stat increase.

On Season 1, Day 55, Burton fell to the Baltimore Crabs during a game in Horizon weather, becoming Buried.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Helga (she/her) is a 5'9" tan humanoid woman with loose blond hair. Fans once debated whether or not Helga and her teammate Helga Moreno were two separate women, or a single woman who changed her hairstyle and glasses in order to fill two positions in the San Francisco Lovers lineup, due to the fact that the two look similar and had never been seen in the same place at the same time.

At the beginning of Season 4, the two Helgas laid these debates to rest by admitting that they were indeed one single woman, whose consciousness was shared between two separate bodies. The fact that Burton and Moreno had never been seen together, which was regarded as highly suspicious before their true nature was publicly known, was actually just a coincidence.

After initial uncertainty on the legality of allowing one person to play in two positions on the same team, the Blaseball refs eventually ruled in favor of the collective Helga (sometimes referred to as “Helgae” by fans), given that her two bodies possessed their own separate physical abilities and needs.


Helga has a penchant for mischief, as evidenced by her years spent in her identity ruse, and she often makes use of her two near-identical bodies to play tricks on her teammates. Despite the fact that Helga possesses only one mind, she takes advantage of the fact that she possesses two bodies that are often treated as separate people to experiment with different facets of her personality and interests.

Helga Burton, sometimes nicknamed “Spicy Helga,” is generally more outspoken and bold than her counterpart. She acts with much more self-confidence than Moreno, and psychs herself up by trashtalking the Blaseball gods before games. She favors more showy and dark-colored clothing, and enjoys cooking. Legend has she once made a dish so spicy that even Ortiz Lopez couldn’t handle it.


Before joining the San Francisco Lovers, Helga was a participant in the medieval LARP that grew to become the Royal Kingdom of San Francisco. She took the role of evil advisor to Queen King I, developing a (playful) tension with crown prince Theo King. During this time, she found herself drawn to the court’s resident knight in shining armor, Knight Triumphant. Though she initially attempted to resist her attraction to him because a villain being redeemed by their love for a hero was “way too cliche,” she couldn’t resist their charms, and they swept her off her feet.

After Theo took the throne in the aftermath of Queen King I’s untimely demise, he and Knight began to grow disillusioned with the kingdom, and planned to separate into their own Romantic Collaborative of San Francisco. Helga was on board immediately, having grown tired of the overblown LARP because it was “getting weird that everyone is treating me like an actual evil villain. Like, I’m just a girl who works at a Blath and Bodyworks.”

Later, when Knight posed the idea of forming a Blaseball team to their polycule, Helga was quick to sign on with both of her bodies.

A few seasons in, after Parker Meng was swapped with an alternate version of herself from another universe, she developed a crush on the new, suave Parker. After a bit of complication involving Helga attempting to passively court Parker’s attention in her Moreno body while actively flirting with Parker in her Burton body, Helga admitted both her feelings and the nature of her identity. The pair/trio worked through Parker’s initial confusion and settled into a happy relationship, with Parker dividing her attention evenly between both Helgae.

As time passed, and the expansion era began, Burton began to drift apart from her Moreno self, as one evolved into a star batter for the Lovers while the other stagnated. Eventually, for the good of the team, in order to bring back their metamour Percival Wheeler into the batting lineup, Burton retreated to the shadows.

But this would not be the last that would be seen of Helga Burton, for in the very next election, she left the shadows, this time rejoining the League as a part of the Lovers’ pitching rotation. This is a role she slid into easily, working with Moreno as a Catcher during her games, the two’s mental link granting them strong synergy as a pair. However, tragedy struck when, in a slew of conflicting filings and PR maneuvers, Parker Meng ended up on the lineup of the Crabs, thus meaning that Burton would not be pitching alongside her & Moreno’s long-term partner. The two Helgae seemed to draw closer to each other after that, pulling away from other members of the Polycule.

However, given the rather extroverted nature of the Helgas, this was a state that could only last for so long, and they steadily began trying to open up to their new teammate and Parker’s replacement, Cannonball Sports, encouraging her to pursue a relationship with the newly acquired Pitching Machine. How exactly the loss of both Cannonball and the team Captain Knight Triumphant has impacted them is unknown, but teammates have reported the two of them seemingly more intently focused on the game. No one has had the courage to confront them on this, deciding it is best to give them the space to open up about their feelings in time, whenever that may be.

Fan Works