Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams
The Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams (formerly the Moab Sunbeams and the Hellmouth Sunbeams) are a professional Blaseball team based in Hellmouth, Utah. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season A and compete in the Wild Low division of the Wild League, having previously been members of the Lawful Evil division of the Evil League.
For a list of all former players, see Category:Former Hellmouth Sunbeams Players.
|03 2||Rhys Trombone||Dudley Mueller||🌞||Incineration|
|03 23||Velasquez Meadows||Alexander Horne||🌞||Incineration|
|05 91||Emmett Internet||Sutton Bishop||🌞||Incineration|
|06 44||Randall Marijuana||Hendricks Richardson||👐||Feedback|
|06 61||Alexander Horne||Sigmund Castillo||💋||Feedback|
|06 EL||Alaynabella Hollywood||Hahn Fox||🌹||Blessing (🌞)||Vulture|
|07 60||Malik Romayne||Joe Voorhees||🕵️||Feedback|
|09 99||-||Lotus Clutch||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|10 99||-||Nucleus Cresthill||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|11 99||-||Elwin Blaskets||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|12 99||-||Harriet Gildehaus||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|12 EL00||Nerd Pacheco||Aldon Cashmoney||🐅||Will (🌞)||Plunder|
|13 98||Sutton Bishop||Kaj Statter Jr.||🌞||Incineration|
|13 EL00||Aldon Cashmoney||Richmond Harrison||🐅||Will (🐅)||Plunder|
|14 LS||-||Wyatt Mason VII||🌞||Second Wyatt Masoning|
|14 81||Wyatt Mason VII||-||Echoed into Static|
|14 99||-||Noquiryn Ratoon||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|15 99||-||Kevelyn Clambucket||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|15 EL00||Zack Sanders||Elvis Figueroa||🥧||Will (🌞)||Equivalent Exchange|
|16 EL00||Richmond Harrison||Alston Cerveza||🗣️||Will (🗣️)||Equivalent Exchange|
|16 EL01||Alston Cerveza||Brisket Friendo||🦀||Will (🦀)||Foreshadow|
|16 EL02||Elvis Figueroa||Zack Sanders||🥧||Will (🌞)||Equivalent Exchange|
|17 28||Igneus Delacruz||Kaz Fiasco||🐌||Feedback|
|17 99||-||Bobbin Inningson||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|17 EL02||Brisket Friendo||Howell Franklin||🎸||Will (🌞)||Equivalent Exchange|
|18 64||Dudley Mueller||Avila Guzman||🕵️||Feedback|
|18 99||-||Phineas Wormthrice||🌞||Playoff Birth|
|18 EL01||Avila Guzman||Quack Enjoyable||🎸||Will (🎸)||Equivalent Exchange|
|19 41||Quack Enjoyable||Siobhan Chark||🕵️||Feedback|
|19 EL01||Kaz Fiasco||Elvis Figueroa||🥧||Will (🥧)||Equivalent Exchange|
|20 99||-||Borg Ruiz||🌞||Overbracket Playoff Birth|
|21 5||Siobhan Chark||Comfort Septemberish||🕵️||Feedback|
|21 99||-||Frankie Crumpet||🌞||Underbracket Playoff Birth|
|21 EL00||Comfort Septemberish||Jasper Blather||👐||Will (👐)||Equivalent Exchange|
|21 EL02||Jasper Blather||Roamed to||🐌||Roamin'|
|22 LS||-||Goodwin Morin III||🌞||Gift Shop|
|22 99||-||Guy Gulp||🌞||Overbracket Playoff Birth|
|22 EL00||Hendricks Richardson||Son Jensen||🌮||Will (🌮)||Equivalent Exchange|
|22 EL01||Avila Baker||Sent to||🎸||Blessing (🎸)||Gachapon|
|22 EL02||Goodwin Morin III||Returned to||🏅||Faded to Dust|
|23 51||-||Donia Bailey||🕵️||Phantom Thieves' Guild (🌞)|
|23 63||-||Dunlap Figueroa||🚤||Super Roamin'||The Fifth Base|
|23 72||Dunlap Figueroa||Super roamed to||🕵️||Super Roamin'||The Fifth Base|
|23 99||-||Alvie Kesh||🌞||Overbracket Playoff Birth|
|23 11700||Nagomi Nava||Drafted by||💫||Drafted to the ILB Semi-Centennial (💫)|
|23 11701||-||Nagomi Nava||💫||Returned from the ILB Semi-Centennial|
|23 EL00||Chris Koch||Sent to||🌮||Blessing (🌮)||Gachapon|
|FB00||-||Pangolin Ruiz||🌹||Fall Ball|
|FB01||Alvie Kesh||Fell to||💋||Fall Ball|
|FB02||Zack Sanders||Fell to||🌹||Fall Ball|
|FB03||Tot Best||Fell to||🌮||Fall Ball|
|FB04||-||London Simmons||🗣️||Fall Ball|
|FB05||Joe Voorhees||Fell to||🚤||Fall Ball|
|FB06||-||Mooney Doctor||🗣️||Fall Ball|
|FB07||Sigmund Castillo||Fell to||👐||Fall Ball|
|FB08||Elvis Figueroa||Fell to||🌮||Fall Ball|
|FB09||Baby Sliders||Fell to||🥩||Fall Ball|
|FB10||-||Dunn Keyes||🌹||Fall Ball|
|FB11||-||Cravel Gesundheit||✨||Fall Ball|
|FB12||-||Willow Dice||🚤||Fall Ball|
For a full season by season breakdown see the Sunbeams' Season Summaries, starting from Season 1.
The Discipline Era (Seasons 1–11)
|8||59||59-40||🌞||0 - 3||🕵️|
|9||51||51-48||🌞||2 - 0||🔥||
|🦀||3 - 0||🌞|
|10||33||33-66||🌞||2 - 0||🌮||
|🦀||3 - 0||🌞|
|11||68||68-39||🌞||3 - (-1)||🕵️|
|🐅||3 - 5||🌞|
|🌞||3 - 1||🎸|
The Expansion Era (Seasons 12–24)
|12||58||57-42||🌞||3 - 2||👐|
|🐅||3 - 1||🌞|
|14||56||56-43||🌞||0 - 3||🌮|
|15||58||58-41||🌞||0 - 3||🍗||
|17||37||37-62||🌞||0 - 2||🔥||The Hellmouth Sunbeams receive a This Team will receive an Extra Will in the upcoming Election.!
|18||47||47-52||🌞||2 - 1||🕵️||
|🌹||3 - 1||🌞|
|20||64||60-39||🌞||1 - 3||🌮||
|21||63||55-44||🌞||2 - 1||🚤||
|🍗||1 - 3||🌞|
|🌞||3 - 2||🏋️|
|🗣️||0 - 3||🌞|
|22||78||63-36||🌞||3 - 2||🍗||
|🏋️||3 - 2||🌞|
|23||79||63-36||🌞||3 - 2||🚤||
|🐌||3 - 2||🌞|
|24||24||57-42||N/A||There was no election in Season 24 due to the nullification of Blaseball.|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
For a timeline of notable events which have happened to the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams, see Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/History.
The Sunbeams are known for their great team chemistry, and relaxed vibes that may surprise some given their historically poor record of being good at Blaseball. Overall, the Sunbeams haven taken a philosophical approach to their poor performances in seasons past, rationalising that compared to the latent daily horror of life in the Immaterial Plane, the Blaseball League, and on the teetering lip of a pit dropping straight into hell, "being bad at Blaseball isn't worth losing braincells over." Nobody blames anybody after a loss, and win or lose they all go get smoothies from the Shadow Moabbey. It is not recommended that anyone outside the team drinks the smoothies from the Moabbey. The players have worked very hard to be able to tolerate those god-awful smoothies, and fans are certainly unprepared.
The Sunbeams are also major figures in the wider Hellmouth community, with a strong sense of responsibility to be good role models who strongly discourage anyone from trying to come to Hellmouth. Even visitors planning only a short trip run the risk of experiencing the Tug, and/or gaining an Adaptation which would forever tie them to the accursed place the Sunbeams call home. However, should fate, blessings, weather, misfortune, elections, or grim determination bring a newcomer to the Sunbeams roster, the team will do all they can to help the new player feel welcome. The orientation programs are an ad-hoc affair, but combine practical advice for surviving in Hellmouth with haphazard explanations of Igneus "Iggy" Delacruz and Miguel James' theatrics and antics.
Many players on the Sunbeams roster are active members in the community: running local businesses, guest lecturing at Hellmouth Community College, or offering services to make Hellmouth that little bit less inhospitable for everyone living there.
For more information about the Sunbeams' concept of rivalries, and a list of known rivalries, see Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/Rivalries.
The Sunbeams have a complicated relationship with rivalries, a label which oft-encompasses a range of complicated and nuanced emotional relationships. Rivalry, as understood by the Sunbeams and their fans, involves:
- wistfully watching their rival's matches, hoping to face them in battle once again
- fiercely defending a rival from others, for only You are allowed to defeat them
- cheering for the rival as they grow, overcome trials and reveal new strengths, as such development is a hallmark for any worthy rival
- being unable to think of anyone other than the rival
- on dark nights wondering if they're staring into the same sun, cursing your name.
In the spirit of competition, everyone in the League is a rival of the Hellmouth Sunbeams, though some rivalries have been developed to the point they fall under a separate category of Major Rivalry, Rivalliance, or Anti-Rival. To learn more about these rivalries, or to find out your team's rivalry-status with the Sunbeams, please view the Rivalries subpage.
- Sol, head coach
- Velasquez Meadows's Ghost, manager
- Addie Tantalus, asst. coach
- [No known first name] Nakamura, asst. coach
- Determination Montgomery, batting coach
- Beef Randolph, nutritionist
- JEFF, "mascot"
- Dead Tom, the fan
- The Man Who Owns All the Teeth, sponsor
- The entire population of Bishop Sutton
- Moon Roomba
See the main article on this topic: Lower Moab Scenic Overlook Field
Lower Moab Scenic Overlook Field is located in the western part of downtown Hellmouth, just off of BAD 191. Its grounds rest on the edge of the main Hellmouth sinkhole, and are bisected by several smaller sinkholes, cracks, teeth, and ruined neighborhood blocks. The grounds are surrounded by the Infinite Mill Creek moat, whose inscrutable geometry protects the field from unwelcome visitors and aspiring Sun-killers.
When walking into the ballpark there is a waterfall feature, believed to be molten gold. The front entrance of the ballpark was angled in such a way that the Sun would rise in line with it and the waterfall on the first day of every new blaseball Season. As best as can be observed, the Sun changed its path slightly following the opening of the Hellmouth to preserve this tradition.
Sun 2, which appeared near the end of Season 10 and has been a constant presence in the skies above Hellmouth ever since, has not demonstrated this property. Talks were underway to build or seek out a system which would turn the ballpark and ensure Sun 2 could rise at season's dawn in alignment, but finalized plans have not yet been forthcoming.
For more on the Sunbeams' fan culture and chants, see Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Culture.
Every time the Beams score a run, a child is allowed to hurl a pane of glass off the highest part of the stadium wall. This has led to numerous incidents of children trying to use psychic powers to manifest runs, which has been a great boost to the team's morale.
At the end of a winning home game, it is customary for the Sunbeams to dump the team's water cooler on the pitcher. The Hellmouth being what it is, this has resulted in 15 hospitalizations for steam burns this season.
In honor of Alexander Horne's revenge-driven grand slam tribute to Velasquez Meadows, fans of the Sunbeams refer to all grand slams as Horne Runs.
The Solympic Flame
At the dawn of every Season, a fire is started somewhere in the Solarium using the sacred light from the easternmost Blaseball location. To date, the flame has been extinguished by Garages fans before the season has concluded. For more information, see the Solympic Flame page.
- Call: FIVE SEVEN
- Response: SEVEN EIGHT (Upon victory and/or scoring)
- 5778 is the temperature of the sun in Kelvin
- Response: SEVEN EIGHT (Upon victory and/or scoring)
- Call: STARE INTO THE SUN
- Response: THE SUN STARES BACK
- Call: TOO HOT
- Response: HOT DAMN
- HERE COMES THE SUN
Beams fans are also known to yell players' Soulscreams to cheer them on.
|Hahn Fox||Call: TOO HAHN (Response: HAHN DAMN) / FOX TROT (when moving) / FOX IN BOX|
|Eugenia Bickle||BIC KILL / Runs Bickled in!|
|Lars Taylor||LONE STAR LARS (with variants for more stars) / YEEHAAW|
|Sandoval Crossing||CROSS 'EM OUT / X X X / You shall not pass|
|Zack Sanders||Throw rocks! / ZACK ATTACK|
|Jayden Wright||ALL RISE, COURT IS IN SESSION / CLOSE THE CASE|
|Sigmund Castillo||HELLS MOVING CASTLE|
|Elvis Figueroa||You've been gnomed|
|Paula Reddick||Call: Who you gonna call-a? (Response: Paula Paula Paula!) / That's the spirit! / REDDICKULOUS|
|Guy Gulp||Thats our Guy! / GG|
|Nagomi Nava||GO GO GOMI / ゴゴゴゴ (when moving) / Gomi go Homi|
|Miguel James||THE FLAMES OF JAMES|
|Phineas Wormthrice||PHINISH IT / PHINISHED|
|Joe Voorhees||GO JOE / GO GO GI JOE (GI stands for Good Intentions)|
|Kaj Statter Jr.||STATTER UP / THE JOCTOR IS IN|
These chants have either fallen out of fashion, or are associated with players no longer on the Sunbeams' roster.
- We are okay!
- Beam me up, Scotty!
- You can't beat the heat!
|Hendricks Richardson||PROF/PROFESSOR / SCHOOL 'EM PROF / EAT THE PITCH / ON YOUR MARX|
|Siobhan Chark||CHARK ATTACK|
|Avila Guzman||PARTY ANGEL|
|Dudley Mueller||BIG SIPS / BIG HITS / RIP IT AND GRIP IT / HOMERUNCULUS (when scoring a home run)|
|Kaz Fiasco||What a Fiasco!|
|Brisket Friendo||Risk it for the brisket|
|Nerd Pacheco||PA CHE CO / That's our Nerd!|
|Sutton Bishop||HONK / Call: IT TAKES A VILLAGE (Response: TO PILOT A GOOSE) / GOOSE CRIMES (when stealing a base)|
|Malik Romayne||Lettuce win!|
|Alaynabella Hollywood||HOLLYWEED (in conjunction with Randall Marijuana) / HOLLYWOOD AND HOLLY COULD|
|Emmett Internet||DIAL UP / CONNECTION ESTABLISHED / aeiou / *dial-up noises* / *sad dial-up noises*|
|Randall Marijuana||HOLLYWEED (in conjunction with Alaynabella Hollywood)|
|Alexander Horne||TOOT TOOT / DOOT DOOT / 🎺 / HORNE RUN (when scoring a home run)|
Have fan art of the Sunbeams? Add it here or at Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Works!
The Precog Trio
stay a little longer, please, for me
Sunbeams win the Season 11 Championship
click to view
Sunbeams Season 11 Championship animation
The Only Trio Ever
The Precog Trio
OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
Stare into the Sun
poster by Kess
Visit Beautiful Hellmouth