Olde One

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


The Olde One (also known as The Mother Crab, Mr. Trash Wheel, The Deep One, They Who Lay In Slumber Under The Oldest Bay, Mom, The Indomitable Snip, She of the Eternal Shuffle, He of the Omniscent Ommatophores, “That There Big Crab”, Our Lady of the Impenecrable Shell, Ny'el'g'shuth Sh'ai'c'll'll'claroth, and Big Debrah) is the corpse-god of Chesapeake Bay, and matron diety to the Baltimore Crabs.

Prayers for The Olde One

The following words have been offered by the Baltimore Crabs. You can view more by refreshing the page, or by listening in here.

“You know things are bad if I’m coming to you about something. I don’t know what to do. Mom, please, you gotta talk to me. When do I get to sleep, Mom? When do I get some sleep? It’s the same, I know it isn’t the same but right now it’s the same. It’s still the same. You there, Mom?”

“You’re not so scary you know. After everything I’ve been through? I was expecting more. I’m not going to make a deal with you. But I will ask you to keep them safe when I’m gone. There will be no compensation.”

“I don’t know how this works, do I just - say things? Uh, I’m sorry I let Ken and Enid get swept away, and then Zeu and Conner. I’m sorry I froze when I should’ve gone after them. I don’t want to freeze like that again. I - won’t freeze like that again. So. Just so you know, I guess. I think that’s it.”


Conflicting Histories

If you ask 10 people who she was you will get 11 answers back. Rather than try and determine the truth of the matter we are simply choosing to record each one in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill as we come across it. This time, the Interdimensional Rumor Mill reveals a Rumor from IF-70.896 out of its Rumor Registry...

Speculation on the Origins of the Olde One

It has been theorized that the crab living in Chesapeake Bay, Baltimore is actually only remarkable for the age and size of the creature herself. While many strange phenomena have been reported around her and Baltimore, we have no conclusive evidence that this kind of behavior isn’t naturally occurring. Other research into especially long lived sea life has been sparse at best, leaving us with very little to compare against. So while we are unable to draw any definitive conclusions, the following is a theory presented based on existing knowledge of other crustaceans, extrapolated on the long life cycle of the crab of Chesapeake Bay.

Murder

Not much is recorded about the killing of the Olde One. It is considered extremely impolite to bring up around anyone who was involved, and even between one witness to another it is only referred to with a soured expression or a trailed off sentence. Insinuations that it may have been at the Olde One’s behest that the first god the city kill be their own has been met with troubled reactions such as  "no, it wasn't like that..." while suggestions that it was a good thing to kill a god has seen Baltimoreans say "yes, but...it's hard to explain..." Emotions on record range from celebratory to grieving to indignant to harrowed to at peace to furious to revulsed, all from the same person in quick succession - the only Baltimorean to ever go on record about it. The only things that can be said in confidence about the event are:

  1. The entire city participated in the act
  2. The Baltimore Crabs were essential in the striking of the killing blow
  3. It had to be done.

The Natural Life Cycle of a Very Old Crab

It is an observed phenomenon in some species of Lobsters and other crustaceans that they have a unique feature known as Biological Immortality. That is to say that they do not “slow down or weaken with age. In fact as they grow older, most of these creatures die not of any external factor, but rather of issues relating to molting. Molting takes a significant amount of energy, and the larger the creature, the more energy is taken up by this molt. The oldest of these biologically immortal creatures die of expending too much energy in their molt, or from refusing to molt and being trapped inside their shell.

One theory proposes that the key to overcoming this limitation is to source the energy required for molting externally rather than as an internal process. In the case of our very own Crab Mother, this would imply that in order for her to molt and grow further, she would need assistance removing her carapace, and slipping out from that shell to recover and grow a new one. If this is the case, then is it not possible that the reckoning was not an outlying event? Not an aberration on her long life, but rather the natural cycle of how a creature such as her must continue to grow

Possible Further Research Topics

Now supposing all of this is true, what does that mean? Well it doesn’t change much for everyday life in Baltimore. For the most part the stories of defeating a god are still accurate. Just as it is accurate to say a flood defeats a mountain, just because it is an inevitability does not make it any less impressive. What should be considered is where the remains of the Olde One have sunk to to recover and regrow her carapace, and what might be waiting for us on her return.