Alyssa Harrell

From Blaseball Wiki

Alyssa Harrell is a pitcher for the Hawai'i Fridays, and has been with the team since the Season 20 elections. Harrell has played for the Hades Tigers, New York Millennials, Yellowstone Magic, Philly Pies, Baltimore Crabs, and Chicago Firefighters.

Official League Records

Harrell joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Hades Tigers with the Return of Blaseball. Harrell's stats were randomized by the Soul Swap blessing at the end of the season, resulting in a batting stat of .

Harrell was traded to the New York Millennials in exchange for Mclaughlin Scorpler during the Season 3 elections via the Exile blessing.

On Season 4, Day 15, Harrell was exchanged to the Yellowstone Magic due to Feedback. Harrell was replaced by Penelope Mathews. On Day 16 (the game immediately following the feedback swap), Harrell hit two singles to help the Magic come back from 0-4 to beat the Charleston Shoe Thieves, 17-5.

Harrell hitting a single on Season 4 Day 16, leading the Magic to victory on the game immediately after Harrell's feedback swap.

At the end of Season 4, Harrell was affected by the Alternate Reality decree which randomized Harrell's stats, including an increase in batting stats to .

At the end of Season 5, Harrell's pitching fell by as a result of the Charleston Shoe Thieves' Bad Neighbors blessing.

On Season 6, Day 40, Harrell siphoned some of Philly Pies batter Kennedy Cena's defense stats in a game with Blooddrain weather, bringing Harrell's defense from to .

On Season 7, Day 73, Harrell was exchanged to the Hawai'i Fridays due to Feedback. Harrell was replaced by Terrell Bradley.

On Season 8, Day 90, Harrell was exchanged to the Philly Pies due to Feedback. Harrell was replaced by the flickering Eduardo Woodman. Two innings later, Harrell and Woodman were exchanged again to their original teams.

During the Coffee Cup, Harrell played for the Cold Brew Crew as a lineup player.

During the Season 12 elections, all of Harrell's stats were increased as a result of the Infuse will.

During the Season 13 elections, all of Harrell's stats were increased as a result of the Infuse will.

During the Season 14 elections, Harrell was traded to the Baltimore Crabs in exchange for Baldwin Breadwinner as a result of the Crabs' Exchange will.

On Season 15, Day 104, Harrell was attacked by Consumers, losing their last Soul. Harrell was then Redacted and removed from the Crabs' roster.

On Season 17, Day 109, Harrell exited the Secret Base at Tastycake Stadium, losing Redacted and gaining the Attractor modification. Upon being batted in by Spears Taylor, Harrell joined the Hawai'i Fridays' bench.

During the Season 18 elections, Harrell joined the Hawai'i Fridays active roster as a result of the Foreshadow will.

Harrell was traded to the Chicago Firefighters in exchange for Gabriel Griffith during the Season 19 elections via the Fridays' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a pitcher in the process.

During the Season 20 election, Harrell was then traded to the Hawai'i Fridays in exchange for Gabriel Griffith via the Firefighters' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process. Harrell's Attractor modification was also changed to the High Pressure modification by the Firefighters' Reform will.

During the Season 22 elections, Harrell retreated to the Fridays' Shadows as a result of the Fridays' Move will. Harrell's star ratings were then completely randomized as a result of the Shadow Alternate Trust blessing, resulting in Harrell gaining the Negative modification and a combined 15.2 -> 15.3 stat increase.

Over the course of Season 23, Harrell entered and exited the Fridays' Shadows three times as a result of Hawai'i Viberight Field (Fax Machine events, ending the Season on the pitching rotation.


Name

Harrell chooses to go by her surname in all contexts.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Alyssa Harrell Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-98.361 and start reading...

Hypothetically, "Harrell" might exist, and if she did, she would be completely justified in any hypothetical crimes she might choose to commit. Hypothetically, on the day she was hypothetically swapped with the Hawai'i Fridays' former player Dadly Bradley from whatever hypothetical team she came from before, she might have hypothetically absorbed his Dad Vibes and become the de facto second mother of the Fridays (after, of course, Our Lady of Perpetual Friday). This is possibly the first record of "Harrell's" non-existence, though it is hard to be sure since the record does not actually exist.

No one has ever seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, heard from, heard of, located, tracked, watched, spied on, sensed, felt, looked at, listened to, talked to, conversed with, or were able to discern anything about "Alyssa Harrell." Anything you might have heard about "Alyssa Harrell" is complete hearsay. It is impossible to describe "Alyssa Harrell" because she does not exist.

Notably, she has not paid taxes since 2009. This is notable because it is impossible for this information to be recorded, because she does not exist.

Harrell has not

A list of things that Harrell has not done includes, but is not limited to, the following:

  • Tax evasion
  • Election Fraud
  • Hunting invasive species in Hawai’i
  • “Time theft”
  • Jailbreaking an iphone
  • Base theft
  • Dumping Old Bay into the Chesapeake Bay
  • Prank-calling Beck Whitney and asking for "I P Freely"
  • Using Terrell Bradley's email address to sign up for assorted newsletters
  • Illegal gambling on croquet matches
  • Waffle theft

Fan Works