Birds

From Blaseball Wiki

This page is about the animal. For the weather condition, see Lots of Birds. For the team, see Boulders Bay Birds.

In Internet League Blaseball, Birds are a phenomenon of unknown origin, whose first appearances can be dated back to Season β3, Day 6, following the Peanut Plague, the Blasphemy, and Uncertainty. Birds manifest themselves as a weather condition, whose effects on the game of Blaseball remain largely unknown.

In the Expansion Era, Birds could be attracted to Ballparks as a result of teams building Bird Houses or a Bird Hotel, slightly reducing the Ballpark's eDensity. Birds are frightened away by Balloons being popped.

History of Birds in Internet League Blaseball

  • Season 3, Day 6: Birds appear in Internet League Blaseball.
  • Season β7, Day 63: The Birds pecked Jessica Telephone free.
  • Season β8 Elections: The Birds' assistance is offered through the Affinity for Crows blessing.
  • Season 8, Day 47: The Birds pecked Sexton Wheerer free.
  • Season 8 Election Results: Affinity for Crows blessed the Philly Pies, making the entire team pitch and bat 50% better in Lots of Birds weather.
  • Season β9, Day 1: A flock of Crows ambush Summers Pony.
  • Season 9, Day 1: A flock of Crows ambush Alexander Horne. The ensuing confusion leads to the League's first ever 16-out inning.
  • Season 9, Day X: The Shelled One descends, assembles its team, and does battle with the Shoe Thieves. The weather changes wildly, though the birds chase PODS players off the field four times resulting in outs.
  • Season 9 Elections: The Elections conclude, decrees are announced, Forecast: Birds passes, and a SEVERE MURMURATION WARNING is issued in the area.
    • A contingent of birds aligns themselves with one pitcher on every team, lending them the power to lead the birds into combat during Lots of Birds Weather.
  • Season 10 Elections: The Bird Seed blessing is won by the Millennials, making it more likely that birds will peck shelled players on the team free.
  • Season 16 Earlsiesta: Teams are given the option to add Birdhouses to their ballparks, attracting a bird with every Foul Ball hit.
  • Season 20 Earlsiesta: Teams are given the option to add Balloons to their ballparks, which can scare off birds (or summon Unbirds if there are no birds to be scared off) when popped.
  • Season 21 Earlsiesta: Teams are given the option to add Bird Hotels to their ballparks, attracting birds whenever the home team Parties.
COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Known Truths about Birds

  • Birds are dinosaurs that didn't quit, and boy howdy do they know it.
  • Birds are opaque[1] and capable of hate[2].
  • Birds are capable of piercing the impervious outer husk of Shelled players.
  • Over 300 species of birds can be observed in Yellowstone National Park.
  • The knowledge and study of birds, also known as ornithology, is largely speculative. It is performed by such individuals as Nanci Grackle and Nickname Yamashita.
    • The organised observation of birds, with an explicit avoidance of any activity which may make one learn more about birds, is called birdswatching[3].
  • "A bird" is eaten by some players as part of their pregame ritual.
    • A connection between "a bird" and Birds, if any, has yet to be determined by ornithologists.
  • Birds have an anatomy consisting of:
    • Hollow Bones[4]
    • Sharp talons
    • Two observable eyes
    • Knowing
  • Penguins (one variety of birds) contain 83 bones.
  • Birds are linked in some fashion to eggs and also crocodiles.
    • "Hens" (a subcategory of birds) will occasionally eat[citation needed] eggs.

Birds in Blaseball Culture

In Blaseball Mythology

Birds' contribution to the splort are said by some[5] to precede modern Blaseball, which first experienced birds following the Blasphemy.

A common superstition among Blaseball players and fans to avert birds weather is to wash one's hands while singing "happy birthday".

The Umpires announced following the Peanut Fraud that the Blaseball Gods would remember the affront done to them on that day. At the start of the following day of play, birds appeared in various ballparks across the Immaterial Plane.

Some Blaseball theologists have taken the birds' attitude of silent observation as a sign that the League was being watched ever more closely by the Gods, who may be seeking to judge the League and destroy it if its participants were found wanting. Others (particularly those with  SHELLED teammates) see the apparition of the birds as a blessing, of Nature itself visiting the Immaterial Plane and participating in the cultural event that is Blaseball.

Birdswatching

[Image ID: A photograph of a Galah, an Australian parrot also known as a rose-breasted cockatoo. The galah is perched on a branch. /.End ID]
Social events that incorporate birdswatching, often with a celebratory element, are often referred to as Met Galahs. Lucky participants may meet a galah, similar to the individual pictured.

While the sudden presence of birds is generally regarded as an ill portent, splorts fans whose favorite players are trapped inside giant peanut shells will celebrate their arrival, and cheer just as loudly for the circling birds as much as the players out on the field.

Given the inhospitable or inaccessible nature of some blaseball stadiums, sometimes fans will be forced to congregate at a safe distance and follow a match featuring both birds and  SHELLED players at a safe distance. When fans from both teams are hoping for a player of theirs to be pecked free (such as on Season β12, Day 96, when the Houston Spies and Hellmouth Sunbeams were awaiting the de-shelling of Denzel Scott and Nerd Pacheco respectively), it is not uncommon for a great gathering of splortsfans and birds enthusiasts alike to gather.

List of Notable Birds

List of Somewhat-Notable Birds

List of Notable Somewhat-Birds

References

  1. apparent to all observers of blaseball.
  2. see above.
  3. It goes both ways.
  4. What Are They Hiding In There
  5. Mexico City Wild Wings/History