Kline Greenlemon

From Blaseball Wiki

Kline Greenlemon is a lineup player for the Tokyo Lift, and has been with the team since the Season 19 elections. Greenlemon has previously played for the Dallas Steaks.

Official League Records

Greenlemon joined the ILB as a -star lineup player for the Dallas Steaks on Season 3, Day 103 after the incineration of Langley Wheeler.

During the Coffee Cup, Greenlemon played for Heavy FC as a lineup player.

During the Season 14 elections, Greenlemon received the Maximalist modification as a result of the Garages' receiving the Min-Maxing blessing.

Greenlemon was traded to the Tokyo Lift in exchange for Jessica Telephone during the Season 19 elections via the Steaks' Equivalent Exchange will. Greenlemon then gained the Outdoorsy modification as a result of the Outdoorsy blessing.

During the Season 22 elections, Greenlemon gained the Subtractor modification as a result of the Subtractor Avoidance blessing.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Kline Greenlemon Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-21.348 and start reading...

Biography

Greenlemon is a sentient, anthropomorphic lime.

Greenlemon's childhood was spent in its birth country of Argentina with parents Cal and Clemintine Greenlemon. The eldest of nine siblings, Greenlemon early on proved to be adept at learning languages through talking with international students at primary school. Thus, when the Greenlemon family was given a chance to immigrate to the Dallas-Fort Worth area, Kline was able to help prepare for the move by teaching its siblings English.

Pre-Blaseball Career

From an early age, Greenlemon learned that its face had a natural tendency to decline into a frown, regardless of their mood. School friends and teachers would often check on it out of concern, even when Greenlemon was feeling cheery. Not wanting to worry anyone around it, Greenlemon began making it a habit to smile often and deliberately, projecting emotions onto its features. Finding pleasure in this act of emoting, Greenlemon felt inclined to begin acting.

Greenlemon's first acting jobs were television commercials for local small businesses, most prolifically advertising pine air fresheners for the neighborhood car wash. After finding success, Greenlemon moved from Dallas to Los Angeles for larger acting opportunities. Greenlemon was still living in Los Angeles when the Internet League Blaseball started its first season, and was standing on the corner of Hollywood and Vine on Season 3 Day 73, at the time of The Grand Unslam.

As it happens, the Grand Unslam would end Greenlemon's acting career. Among the many changes that happened to the Infinite Cit(ies) of Los Angeli, Greenlemon's facial complexion — formerly a gentle, softly ripe yellow — changed into a more vibrant, saturated green. Coincidentally, Greenlemon's face was now the exact color used in digital greenscreen effects, making it nearly impossible to film without disappearing into the scenery as an eldritch, half-visible film effect. After a pair of devastating rejections for underwear and soda commercials, Greenlemon decided to return to Dallas-Fort Worth.

Time with the Dallas Steaks

Returning home with its life changed by blaseball, Greenlemon decided to keep in good spirits by learning more about the splort. It was not long before Greenlemon became a common sight as a fan at the George Foreman Stadium. Over the next month, Greenlemon became a supporter of the Grill Master, bringing homemade gifts of tangy marinades and flavorful pour-over juices from its parents' recipes. As the Season 3 Postseason began, Greenlemon was encouraged to join the Grill Apprenticeship Program, but on its first day they accidentally walked into the dugout entrance instead, becoming a semi-official part of the team. It would be formally added to the team’s lineup during a game against the New York Millennials, following the incineration of Langley Wheeler.

On joining the team, Greenlemon's genuine optimism and cheery attitude made it a clubhouse favorite among fans and teammates alike. Though not a particularly headline hitter for the team, Greenlemon was able to clutch games out by scoring in late innings; if not winning the game directly, Greenlemon could be counted on to tie a game up and allow extra innings for their teammates to score. It is generally agreed that Greenlemon's skills accentuated the Steaks' individual traits, much in the same way Greenlemon's homemade marinades accentuated the Grill Master's cooking. Because playing the splort requires more of Greenlemon's concentration, its face during a game usually exhibits its natural, frowning expression, though Greenlemon always makes a point to smile if it realizes it is showing on the jumbotron.

Off of the field, Greenlemon's friendship with the Grill Master madeit one of the players most likely to be found spending lunch time with fans after a home game, almost always joined by its nephew Stein. Since Stein spent the games watching with the other fans, joking and sharing gossip, several Greenlemon family rituals became general Steak fandom rituals, most notably "Prank Tio Kline." Because Greenlemon always falls for pranks on purpose, anything that Stein found memorably funny would be passed around Steaks fans and repeated for weeks or months to come, finding new audiences at away game meetups when the stories trickled down to fans who live far from Dallas. It is a well-established rule that Greenlemon reacts to every repeated prank as though it was the first time.

With the Tokyo Lift

During Season 19 Greenlemon formed a strong friendship with former Lift batter Engine Eberhardt, newly arrived in the first of a series of player exchanges sometimes referred to as the Tokyo-Dallas revolving door. When Eberhardt announced a return to Japan, Greenlemon elected to tag along on an epic end-of-Season road trip. Their zig-zagging journey allowed Greenlemon to spend time in new and unfamiliar landscapes, igniting in it a love of the outdoors. This helped it to feel immediately at home in the Legscraper, despite having travelled from the ILB's smallest ballpark to one of its most grandiose: as Eberhardt observed, "turns out the lemon don't like being squeezed". With the Steaks' blessing this became a permanent move.

Greenlemon's prolific hitting made it immediately popular with a brand-new set of fans, even in trying circumstances. In Season 23 Greenlemon was surprised to find itself the team's designated Subtractor, with any runs it batted in actually reducing the Lift's score. Nephew Stein declared this a hilarious prank on the part of the Hawai'i Fridays. True to form, Greenlemon would deliberately walk into it again and again (and again and again and again). Tokyo crowds continued to cheer it on regardless.

Away from the field, Greenlemon became the friendly-but-frowning face of soda brand Klinemonade. This refreshing drink sells in huge quantities at Tokyo Lift home games, being the only product with enough zing to cut through Beef Wings sauce. Greenlemon may be famous for seeing the good in others, but rival stallholder Val Hitherto must have presented a challenge. Their respective concession stands directly face one another, with the proprietors maintaining a cool civility; during business hours Hitherto acknowledges his rival only with an occasional wordless nod. He keeps a discreet chalk tally of all the times returning this nod causes tiny, top-heavy Greenlemon to overbalance into a vat of Klinemonade.

While in Tokyo, Greenlemon developed a love for track and field, going for long runs through the city. It would be joined by teammates including Eberhardt and Cicero Gubbins. Going on runs with Kline soon became a key part of Lift team-building, with every player taking their turn to choose a route.

Greenlemon remains close to Eberhardt and also to Kit Honey, who emerged from the Lift's Shadows on the same day Greenlemon arrived from Dallas. A running joke sees Greenlemon play the alternating roles of angel and devil on Honey's shoulders, though its natural sunny disposition means this more often plays out as "angel and slightly frownier angel".

Personal Life

The Greenlemons are a large family, and while they are always welcome at the Legscraper (and indeed at the George Foreman Stadium) their established tradition remains to watch blaseball games together at home. Greenlemon's parents and siblings each have their own personalized recliner to sit in while they cheer. The notable exception from this is their nephew, Stein Greenlemon. Having been close to his uncle his whole life, Stein much prefers to visit the stadium in person. These visits may have become less frequent after Kline's move to Japan and as Stein grows older, but the bond remains strong.

Greenlemon is asexual and aromantic itself, but is always happy to see romance bloom between others. In fact, because of Greenlemon's natural tendencies to notice good qualities in others and bring them up in compliments, there have been many moments that started as ordinary conversations but transformed into dates after Greenlemon passed by and helped the new couple see each other in a fresh light. It was a long-standing joke among Greenlemon's younger siblings that it was good luck to invite it to third-wheel one of your dates without it realizing it, and in time other players have discovered this to be true as well. Thus the happily single Greenlemon nevertheless ends up eating many fancy dinners and candies during the Valentine holiday season.

Trivia

  • During Greenlemon's time with the team, not a single member of the Steaks suffered from scurvy. This record has most likely been maintained in Tokyo, but it is hard to be sure in the case of Jan Canberra.
  • During its acting career, Greenlemon's commercials for small businesses included:
    • Advertising twine at a craft store
    • Promoting a new environmentally-friendly design of alkaline battery
    • Being a spokesperson for the grand opening of an endocrine HRT clinic
    • Singing a jingle for praline cookies.
  • Langley Wheeler's hoverboard remains hanging in Greenlemon's old Dallas locker. Greenlemon has gone on the record saying the thought of removing the hoverboard left, quote, "a sour ache" in their heart.
  • Since being introduced to the concept of "Prank Tio Kline," 7491 Steaks fans and counting have gotten Greenlemon's nose.


Fan Works