Sebastian Telephone

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Sebastian Telephone was a lineup player for the Dallas Steaks, and was with the team from the Return of Blaseball until being incinerated on Season β7, Day 67.

Official League Records

Telephone joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Dallas Steaks with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β4 elections, Telephone was affected by the Alternate Reality decree and replaced by an Alternate. This involved Telephone's stats being randomized, resulting in a combined 8.4 -> 10.3 stat increase.

During a Season β7, Day 65 game against the Seattle Garages, Telephone was hit by a pitch thrown by Jaylen Hotdogfingers under the effects of Debted. Telephone became Unstable, greatly increasing chance of future incineration.

On Season β7, Day 67, Telephone was incinerated and replaced by Gallup Crueller.

During the events of Season 10, Day X, Telephone was raised as a lineup player for the Hall Stars, before being incinerated a second time due to their persistent Unstable modification. Telephone was replaced by Scrap Murphy.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Biography

Background

Like his sister Jessica Telephone, he sprang fully-formed from a payphone a few years ago. Unlike his sister, his synchronous quantum waveform had not yet fully formed at the time of his incineration. Some fans have speculated that his dependence on Jessica for interacting with the physical world started to hinder his play once she was stolen by the Philly Pies, but Sebastian insisted that he was "really, totally fine" and his vendetta against the Pies was for unrelated reasons.

Sebastian Telephone may not have been the strongest batter in the league, but he remains beloved by fans for his exuberant spirit even after his sudden passing.

Alternate Reality

After Season 4, Telephone was replaced by a version of himself from another reality. In that reality, Sebastian Telephone was the more "stable" Telephone sibling, while Jessica was more prone to temporal abnormalities. Also, according to his reports, those shoes with wheels in the heels were still a thing, for whatever reason. Otherwise, it was mostly similar.

This alternate version of Telephone had greater Blaseball skills than the version he replaced, and proved to be a far more reliable hitter. Always considered a beloved member of the team, Telephone dialed in to his role as the Steaks' second hitter in the batting order.

Incineration

On Day 65 of Season β7, Telephone was hit by a pitch by Seattle Garages pitcher Jaylen Hotdogfingers, leaving him Unstable. This condition persisted into Day 67; in the bottom of the 7th inning against the Hades Tigers, a Rogue Umpire followed Telephone into the dugout and incinerated him. Telephone's teammates, opponents, and fans were horrified by these events, including Tigers pitcher Yazmin Mason, who was left Unstable afterwards.

As Telephone was incinerated, a temporal portal appeared around his form, drawing Gallup Crueller through to take his place in the lineup. Telephone's form disappeared after this; it is unknown if he went through the portal or was indeed incinerated.

Telephone left behind a final message through his Twitter account[1] for his fans, teammates, and sister:

"back to the wavelengths from whence I came. my connection is getting weak but please tell Jess I’ll miss her. I’ll miss all of you. when you feel a phantom buzz in your pocket when your phone isn’t there...it’s me"

His loss was immediately felt across Blaseball, and his joyful presence will be missed.

A few days after the incident, Jessica Telephone received another message from her brother via Twitter.[2] Experts are divided whether it was a time-space distortion or Sebastian reaching across the void for one last goodbye.

Second Incineration

On Day X of Season β10, Telephone batted for the Hall Stars and was incinerated a second time.

Trivia

  • Was called "the best himbo in Blaseball."
  • Didn't know what a himbo is, but liked that people think he's the best at something.
  • Popularized the "meat jersey" for the Steaks.

Fan Works

References