Coach

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Not to be confused with Coach (splort), the professional position of spiritual director and trainer for blaseball athletes.

Coach is the coach of the Dallas Steaks.

Coach is known for standing at the edge of the George Foreman Blaseball stadium, always overlooking the entire field, regardless of whether the Steaks are playing a game or are even at home. Coach doesn't speak and never moves from his designated position watching over the field. Under the watchful eye of Coach, the Steaks coordinate as effectively as any other Blaseball team.

To the human eye, Coach takes on the aspect of the burning Big Tex, his body swaddled in bright orange flames that seem to be emanating from Coach's own body. A dark shadow is eternally cast across Coach's face by a blaseball cap pulled low over his brow, rendering Coach's face impossible to see. Coach is 40 feet tall.

Although Coach is almost always locked in a permanent T-Pose, he is known to be seen with his arms folded across his chest in moments of extreme emotion, such as when the Steaks shame or are shamed by another team.

Other than switching between the T-Pose and the crossed arms, the only movement Coach makes comes when the Steaks win or a player makes a particularly impressive play: a barely perceptible nod of approval tilts the cap's shadow slightly deeper across his neck, then back to its original position. Coach's nod is incredibly difficult to notice – observers who have studied Coach closely may not notice the nod until observing Coach for as much as an entire season.

Although no players have ever spoken directly with Coach, it is believed that the combination of feeling Coach's eyes staring at you from under the cap, combined with the pursuit of the rare validation of a Coach nod, has taught the Steaks players how to coordinate effectively as a team and win games.

Coach also acts as a scarecrow: no birds fly over George foreman Stadium during normal weather. Which is ideal, as The Grill Master is always serving up carrion. Even when weather forces birds to fill the stadium, they keep a respectful distance from Coach.