Ortiz Lopez

From Blaseball Wiki

Ortiz Lopez is a lineup player for the Atlantis Georgias, and has been with the team since the Season 15 elections. Lopez has previously played for the San Francisco Lovers.

Official League Records

Lopez joined the ILB as a lineup player for the San Francisco Lovers with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season 9 elections, Lopez received the Fire Eater modification due to the passing of the Forecast: Eclipse decree.

During the Season 15 elections, Lopez's batting increased from 2.8 -> 3.8 and defense decreased 2.8 -> 2.6 as a result of the Lovers' Transfuse will. Lopez was then immediately traded to the Atlantis Georgias in exchange for Mint Shupe via the Georgias' Equivalent Exchange will.

History

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Lopez, a pansexual trans woman, is possibly the most seductive of the Lovers, standing at a mighty seven feet tall. With bright pink skin, no eyes, giant cupid-like red lips, a curvaceous figure, and red snakes for hair (that she would describe as "down to her ass"), this Goliath of a gorgon is a kindly and inexplicably sexy woman.

Her attractiveness can be a hindrance, though, as she is so distracted by seductively unbuttoning the top button of her shirt or sexily picking a ball up off the ground that she forgets that the game is time-sensitive, and fails to perform. Equally a hindrance is her medusa-like hair of glittering red snakes, that act as her eyes to find the ball, as they will often just do their own thing, because they're giant snakes, and completely not sentient or intelligent. They are just snakes. She is also known to steal bases in fits of passion, with the intent of getting closer to her loved ones in the dugout regardless of the consequences. These factors contribute to her sometimes unreliable nature on the field.

No team member is said to know of where Lopez comes from, only that she seems to know where they will go, be that a culturally-specific paradise or a culturally-specific hell. Many myths surround the origin of Lopez: some say that she appeared from the sky, while others say that she is simply something that exists, a pure being of attractiveness and mystery. Whatever her origin, Lopez is a valued part of the splort of Blaseball, and has become a dependable member of the team.

Relationships

Lopez is dating multiple members of the team/polycule. She initially met Knight Triumphant and Percival Wheeler at a biker bar where Wheeler was, in good form, starting a fight with a bunch of skinheads. She and Wheeler have been inseparable since, except of course when Blaseball demands.

Pitching Machine x Ortiz Lopez

After Lopez heard the end result of the Unlimited Tacos' Snackrifice gained them a Pitching Machine, she was furious. It was well-known that Lopez spent her entire career vying for a spot on the pitching rotation so she could show off her true talent. This envy soon turned into respect and later turned into attraction. On Season 8, Day 9, the Pitching Machine showed up at The PolyHedron for the first time, and at this point Lopez was starstruck. After the 3rd game ended, Lopez requested that Pitching Machine be left behind to get some pointers from "Pitch-ems", as she lovingly called them. Lopez exposed her neck, declaring "If I can't make use of this pitching talent, maybe you can. Take my blood, become the best Pitching Machine you can be!" giving consent for her newfound love to drain her blood. Sealing their newfound relationship with a kiss right next to its "This Machine Kills Fascists" sticker.

On Day 47, Lopez and "Pitch-em"'s relationship was allowed to blossom further, as Sexton Wheerer was freed from their shelling. Lopez spent as much time with her love as possible. It is unclear if Pitching Machine was aware how much Lopez cared for them, as their only response when asked was "I am Pitching Machine," or if they were just following their protocol as a Pitching Machine to be the best pitcher they could be. Once the two started being seen together in public, the news and media nicknamed the relationship "Pitch Perfect".

Things got a little complicated for the couple once Pitching Machine started draining blood from other players, a special bond Lopez thought only she would share with Pitching Machine. Lopez soon realized that she was overreacting and the two reconciled their differences, attending Hlomecoming together before tragedy struck.

The Shelled One arrived a few days later and trapped Pitching Machine within a prison that they could not escape. It was on this day that Lopez declared her intention to fight the gods. She spent as much time during the Siesta and Season 9 as she could keeping Pitching Macnine company while confined to their shell, the rhythm of their pitches from inside the shell matching the beating of her heart.

While some fans campaigned against freeing Pitching Machine from their shell during Season 10, Ortiz was a stout defender of this true and noble soul. Unfortunately, tragedy struck again when Pitching Machine was taken away from the Tacos' roster by the Shelled One and placed on THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS. It was on this day that Lopez realized Pitching Machine was no longer themselves, as they had been forced against their will to pick up a bat and become "The Hitting Machine".

As of Season 11, upon the Shelled One's defeat, Pitching Machine and Lopez continue to have a relationship, though they do not speak of the time Pitching Machine spent in thrall of the Shelled One. It wasn't until Day 28, the first game of a series with the Seattle Garages, that the two were reunited. While no one knows for sure, rumor has it Pitching Machine threw the ball towards 2nd base for an Out instead of Home Plate in order to allow Lopez to score the only run of the game. It became clear to her that whatever damage may have been done, that they're still the same "I am Pitching Machine" she fell in love with all those seasons ago.

The dramatize retelling of this event can be found in the first entry of Chulck Tangle's Hulgo award winning book series Love at First Strike, entitled Drained by the Unlimited Tacos Pitching Machine for the Very First Time.

Trivia

  • There's rumors that Alexander Horne and Lopez have a past relationship, possibly romantic. However, when questioned, Ortiz responded, "The rumors about Lexy and I going way back? Fine, I'll finally put them to rest sweeties, by telling you all it's nunya... as in nunya business." She would say no further on the matter.

Fan Works