Kichiro Guerra

From Blaseball Wiki

Kichiro Guerra is a lineup player for the San Francisco Lovers, and has been with the team since the Return of Blaseball.

Official League Records

Guerra joined the ILB as a lineup player for the San Francisco Lovers with the Return of Blaseball.

At the end of Season 2, Guerra's star rating increased from to ★★★★★ after being blessed with BLOODLUST. Later, on day 89 of Season 3, Guerra's star rating decreased from ★★★★★ to ★★★★ after swallowing a stray peanut.

As of the end of Season 3, Guerra was the only known Blaseball player to hit for the cycle on Season 3, day 35 against the Boston Flowers. This achievement was obtained with only 4 plate appearances.

During game one of the Wild League Championship in the Season 7 playoffs against the Baltimore Crabs, Guerra hit a triple with Helga Burton on first to tie the game at 5-5, then immediately stole home to bring the Lovers into a 6-5 lead. The Lovers ultimately won the game 7-6.

During the Coffee Cup, Guerra played for the Americano Water Works as a lineup player.

During the Season 14 elections, Guerra received the Maximalist modification as a result of the Garages' receiving the Min-Maxing blessing.

History

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Kichiro Prime & Alternate Kichiro

At the end of Season 4, the Kichiro "Kichi" Guerra who originally joined the San Francisco Lovers was swapped with a Kichiro Guerra from an alternate dimension. For more information on the original Kichiro Guerra, who played with the Lovers from from season 1 to season 4, commonly referred to as Kichiro Guerra Prime, see Kichiro Guerra Prime.

Biography

Kichiro Guerra comes from the Tough Love Dimension, another universe where the San Francisco Lovers are the San Francisco Tough Lovers and dominate Internet League Blaseball. She arrived at the same time as Parker Meng. She and Parker are extremely close friends, although unlike most Lovers, their friendship is marked by pranks and merciless teasing.

Alternate Kichiro's higher defense stats have been attributed by Parker to "[a]n actual, literal gun. Like fully loaded and ready to go. We've gone through so many balls so far this season." It is not clear if this is an exaggeration.

Kichiro is quick to emphasize her differences from Kichiro Prime: she does not write poetry, and she does not like video games or play anime. Most of all, Kichiro is very emphatic that, unlike Kichiro Prime, she is not a magical girl (although, in fact, she is).

Alternate Kichiro's nickname for Kichiro Prime is "Squishiro".[1]

Off-Team Relationships

Allison Abbott

Some Blaseball journalists (and glossip columnists) would say that one of the most famous relationships in all of Blaseball is that of Seattle Garages batter Allison Abbott and Kichiro Guerra. Their teammates would tell you that they always sensed the attraction and tension whenever the two were in the same stadium, let alone the same room. There was even a ship name, "Kiss My Bat", being tossed around whenever the two teams glossiped about the "will they, won't they" nature of the situation. One night, after a game, the two bumped into each other at a coffee place after their orders got mixed up Abbott ordering a light and sweet coffee while Guerra had ordered the Americano. After chatting for a bit about the price of coffee, the two realized that neither of them could afford to live in their respective cities on a blaseball players salary and it created a deep bond.

The pair, strangely enough, had two first dates. The first was actually during The Grand Unslam, the date was perfect but moments later it was as if it had never happened. Abbott was furious, but Guerra said it didn't matter because it gave them a chance to have another first date. Witnesses say the second first date wasn't as perfect (Garages pitcher Mike Townsend tripped and fell onto their table, causing coffee to accidentally spill on one of Guerra's favorite manga) but Abbott and Guerra were so enamored with each other it didn't matter, the date was still perfect to them. Luckily for Townsend, the only time Abbott isn't angry is when she's with Guerra. There is a saying amongst the Garages that "Allison cracks bats, cracks knuckles, and cracks skulls. But, the only smile she cracks is for Kichiro Guerra."

Unfortunately at the end of Season 4 tragedy struck "Kiss My Bat" and Kichiro Guerra was swapped with a version of herself from an alternate dimension. Abbott was naturally confused and it took her a few days to figure out exactly what was going on. Alternate Guerra was clearly into Abbott, although Abbott had some apprehensions about the whole thing. It didn't take long for "Kiss My Bat II: The Sequel" to become a thing, and eventually the two entered a committed relationship.

Parker Meng, a self-described "avid shipper" of the couple, has claimed that sclientists predict that if all four ever manage to exist on the same plane of reality that their polycule would be unstoppable and bring True Love back to the entire cosmos once and for all.

Rumors

  • Knight Triumphant had something to do with the coffee mix up, because they knew Guerra had feelings for Abbott and knew that she just needed a nudge in the right direction so she could act on them.
  • Abbott makes a big deal about ska not being an angry enough sounding genre, but secretly she really loves the happy vibes because it reminds her of Guerra.
  • Kichiro Guerra is said to be the focal point of a song Allison Abbott wrote, however anyone who has asked Abbott has not gotten confirmation, only a black eye.

Trivia

  • In 2020, Kaleidovision announced plans to create an anime series based on the splort of Blaseball. It is reported that when Guerra heard this news, they got so excited they shrieked at supersonic frequencies for half an hour and then passed out.
  • Alternate Guerra writes/draws a doujin about Abbott called: My Girlfriend Got Switched With Her Double From an Alternate Dimension But the New One is Kind of Hot Too??. It is extremely popular.

Fan Works

References