Kichiro Guerra

From Blaseball Wiki

Kichiro Guerra is a player in the Shadows for the Ohio Worms, and has been with the team since the Season 20 elections. Guerra previously played for the New York Millennials and the San Francisco Lovers.

Official League Records

Guerra joined the ILB as a lineup player for the San Francisco Lovers with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season 2 elections, Guerra's star rating increased from to after being blessed with BLOODLUST. Later, on day 89 of Season 3, Guerra's star rating decreased from to after swallowing a stray peanut.

As of the end of Season 3, Guerra was the only known Blaseball player to hit for the cycle on Season 3, day 35 against the Boston Flowers. This achievement was obtained with only 4 plate appearances.

During game one of the Wild League Championship in the Season 7 playoffs against the Baltimore Crabs, Guerra hit a triple with Helga Burton on first to tie the game at 5-5, then immediately stole home to bring the Lovers into a 6-5 lead. The Lovers ultimately won the game 7-6.

During the Coffee Cup, Guerra played for the Americano Water Works as a lineup player.

During the Season 14 elections, Guerra received the Maximalist modification as a result of the Garages' receiving the Min-Maxing blessing.

Guerra was traded to the Ohio Worms in exchange for Pitching Machine during the Season 16 elections via the Lovers' Plunder will.

During the Season 18 elections, Guerra was traded to the New York Millennials in exchange for Andrew Solis via the Millennials' Equivalent Exchange will.

During the Season 20 elections, Guerra was traded back to the Ohio Worms in exchange for Andrew Solis via the Millennials' Equivalent Exchange will.

During Season 22, Day 33, Guerra retreated to the Worms' Shadows in exchange for Cantus Hojo at the Wapakoneta Air, Space, and Worm Museum and Ballpark via the Ratified Voicemail.

Biography

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Kichiro Prime

Kichiro Guerra had described themself as an introvert and fan of all things nerdy. Due growing up with asthma they lived a sheltered childhood and never saw much of the world at large. Guerra had a strong sense of right and wrong, something instilled in them by the many stories they read growing up. She always stood up for what few friends she had in her life and had a deep sense of loyalty to them. In the times leading up to their Blaseball career, she was largely described as "Too Good for This World, a Fierce Friend" by those that knew her best.

Later in life, with her asthma better under control, Guerra began to venture out into the world to find others who shared her interests. Guerra met Knight Triumphant at a ComicCon. The two fell in love due to their shared interest in wholesome romantic comics and romantic pursuits. When plans to form the Lovers' Blaseball team were being carried out, Triumphant convinced Guerra to join at the last minute as a batter to help her overcome her fear of social interaction.

During her initial time as a Blaseball player Guerra continued to experience more of the outside world, its people, and the splort of Blaseball. While they did enjoy getting to play the game with their partners, there was also a sadness to be found outside of her circle of those closest to her. Guerra was shocked and disturbed by the absence of True Love in the world and how much hate some people could have in their hearts. At the end of Season 2, their resolve was tested, resulting in a dramatic change.

During the Pre-season Guerra went on a quest to find ancient relics of True Love left behind by the Paramours of old. They were successful, finding an ancient shrine in the heart of San Francisco where a Love Spirit beseeched Guerra to don the ancient Intimacy Regalia and become an avatar of Love to bring True Love back to the world.

Now blessed with the power of the Love Spirit, Guerra was able to undergo a Magical Transformation when they utter the phrase "Time to pucker up!" Once transformed, Guerra becomes Kissin' Kichiro where she fights the enemies of True Love all while maintaining her secret identity as a Blaseball player, just like in the comics and cartoons she watched growing up.

However, at the end of Season 4, Guerra was swapped with a Kichiro Guerra who arrived from a different dimension.

Tough Love Dimension

Kichiro Guerra came from the Tough Love Dimension, another universe where the San Francisco Lovers are the San Francisco Tough Lovers and dominate Internet League Blaseball. She arrived at the same time as Parker Meng. She and Parker are extremely close friends, although unlike most Lovers, their friendship is marked by pranks and merciless teasing.

Alternate Kichiro's higher defense stats had been attributed by Parker to "[a]n actual, literal gun. Like fully loaded and ready to go. We've gone through so many balls so far this season." It is not clear if this is an exaggeration.

Kichiro was quick to emphasize her differences from Kichiro Prime: she did not write poetry, and she did not like video games or play anime. Most of all, Kichiro was very emphatic that, unlike Kichiro Prime, she was not a magical girl (although, in fact, she was).

Alternate Kichiro's nickname for Kichiro Prime was "Squishiro".[1]

Personal Life

Kiss My Bat

Some Blaseball journalists (and glossip columnists) would say that one of the most famous relationships in all of Blaseball is that of Seattle Garages batter Allison Abbott and Kichiro Guerra. Their teammates would tell you that they always sensed the attraction and tension whenever the two were in the same stadium, let alone the same room. There was even a ship name, "Kiss My Bat", being tossed around whenever the two teams glossiped about the "will they, won't they" nature of the situation. One night, after a game, the two bumped into each other at a coffee place after their orders got mixed up Abbott ordering a light and sweet coffee while Guerra had ordered the Americano. After chatting for a bit about the price of coffee, the two realized that neither of them could afford to live in their respective cities on a blaseball player salary and it created a deep bond.

The pair, strangely enough, had two first dates. The first was actually during The Grand Unslam, the date was perfect but moments later it was as if it had never happened. Abbott was furious, but Guerra said it didn't matter because it gave them a chance to have another first date. Witnesses say the second first date wasn't as perfect (Garages pitcher Mike Townsend had tripped and fell onto their table, causing coffee to accidentally spill on one of Guerra's favorite manga) but Abbott and Guerra were so enamored with each other it didn't matter, the date was still perfect to them. Luckily for Townsend, the only time Abbott isn't angry is when she's with Guerra. There is a saying amongst the Garages that "Allison cracks bats, cracks knuckles, and cracks skulls. But, the only smile she cracks is for Kichiro Guerra."

Unfortunately at the end of Season 4, tragedy struck "Kiss My Bat" and Kichiro Guerra was swapped with a version of herself from an alternate dimension. Abbott was naturally confused and it took her a few days to figure out exactly what was going on. Alternate Guerra was clearly into Abbott, although Abbott had some apprehensions about the whole thing. It didn't take long for "Kiss My Bat II: The Sequel" to become a thing, and eventually the two entered a committed relationship.

Parker Meng, a self-described "avid shipper" of the couple, had claimed that sclientists predict that if all four ever manage to exist on the same plane of reality that their polycule would be unstoppable and bring True Love back to the entire cosmos once and for all.

After the Grand Siesta, Abbott had proposed to Guerra who said yes.

However, on Season 17, Day 62, Abbott was incinerated by a Rogue Umpire. Guerra and the Worms were playing against the Mexico City Wild Wings and they did not learn about the incineration until after the game was over.

The Dallas Steaks gifted her Abbott’s nail bat, leaving a nail fixed at the handle akin to a sword’s crossguard. Abbott’s old teammates had taken the rest of the nails as a keepsake. Guerra accessorized the nail bat by spray-painting it with their pride flag colors, putting a rose insignia on it, and then wrapping it in custom barb wire. Their initials, AA + KG, were engraved into the knob of the bat.

With the help of Farrell Seagull, Guerra constructed a memorial for their old fiancée in the Augusta Chadwell Memorial Park and Promenade which honored incinerated players.

Rumors

  • Knight Triumphant had something to do with the coffee mix up, because they knew Guerra had feelings for Abbott and knew that she just needed a nudge in the right direction so she could act on them.
  • Abbott had always made a big deal about ska not being an angry enough sounding genre, but secretly she really loved the happy vibes because it reminds her of Guerra.
  • Kichiro Guerra was said to be the focal point of a song Allison Abbott had written, however anyone who had asked Abbott had not gotten confirmation, only a black eye.

New Beginnings in Ohio

Guerra was unexpectedly traded to Ohio in the Season 16 elections. Her old teammate, Ortiz Lopez, had sent a request for Pitching Machine which was processed seasons late as a trade and played off by The League’s upper management as “optics”. Lopez and Machine eventually reunited on the Atlantis Georgias the next season.

During the tour of The Wormhole, she accidentally jumped into Ephraim Ladd’s arms because she had mistaken them to be Abbott, her fiancée at the time. She began to avoid Ladd after that awkward incident.

When Igneus Delacruz was feedbacked onto the Worms for Kaz Fiasco on Season 17, Day 28, Guerra quickly adopted them as a friend since the two were new players and Delacruz followed her in the lineup.

Seagull had also become a better friend of hers since Seagull was Abbott’s old Garages teammate. They learned to lean on each other for support especially after Abbott’s incineration.

Her other teammates had helped her through the grieving process as well since they had experienced an incineration with Augusta Chadwell. Guerra had formed an impromptu band with Seagull and Loubert Ji-Eun where she would scream into the microphone as Loubert played instruments. Seagull was the merch designer. They released one EP.

Guerra had an uneasy relationship with their teammate, Vessalius Sundae, because of Sundae’s tough love approach after Abbott’s death, blunty telling Guerra to keep playing if she wanted to “get outta this funk”. Rivers Rosa was more gentle, encouraging Guerra to engage in anger therapy by imagining the ball as the Umpire’s head.

Xandra Pancakes, as the Worms’ residential drag artist, had helped them cope with a new, edgy makeover. Guerra got an eyebrow piercing and took inspiration from the Bōsōzoku Girls and Abbott’s grunge style for her wardrobe.

She had avoided Ladd until she left for New York.

Trivia

  • In 2020, Kaleidovision announced plans to create an anime series based on the splort of Blaseball. It is reported that when Guerra Prime heard this news, they got so excited they shrieked at supersonic frequencies for half an hour and then passed out.
  • Alternate Guerra writes/draws a doujin about Abbott called: My Girlfriend Got Switched With Her Double From an Alternate Dimension But the New One is Kind of Hot Too??. It is extremely popular.

Fan Works

Music

Kichiro Guerra is the focus of the following songs:

Art

References