Comfort Septemberish

From Blaseball Wiki

Comfort Septemberish is a lineup player for the Houston Spies, and has been with the team since the Season 21 elections. Septemberish has previously played for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands and Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Official League Records

Septemberish joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season 2, Day 104 against the Hades Tigers, Septemberish successfully stole home in the bottom of the 9th inning, bringing the score to a 4-4 tie before Aldon Cashmoney hit a 2-run home run on the following pitch. The game ended with the Jazz Hands winning 6-4 against the Tigers.

On Season 6, Day 41, Septemberish was exchanged to the Houston Spies due to Feedback. Septemberish was replaced by Collins Melon.

During the Coffee Cup, Septemberish played for Club de Calf as a lineup player.

On Day 45 of Season 13, Septemberish hit the first recorded natural cycle (hitting a single, double, triple, and home run consecutively in that order) and found the 6-Blood Blagonball.

On Season 18, Day 9, Septemberish was  SHELLED in a game with Peanut weather by Philly Pies lineup player Peanut Holloway. On Season 18, Day 88, Septemberish was freed from their shell by birds.

On Season 19, Day 44, Septemberish's Superallergy was cured by An Undisclosed Location's Peanut Mister. On Season 19, Day 62, Septemberish's allergy was cured by An Undisclosed Location's Peanut Mister.

On Season 21, Day 4, Septemberish was swept  Elsewhere... and gained the Negative modification as a result of Yeong-Ho Garcia's Undertaker modification. On Season 21, Day 5, Septemberish was exchanged to the Hellmouth Sunbeams due to Feedback. Septemberish was replaced by Siobhan Chark.

Septemberish was traded to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands in exchange for Jasper Blather during the Season 21 elections via the Jazz Hands' Equivalent Exchange will. They were then traded to the Houston Spies in exchange for Quack Enjoyable via the Spies' Equivalent Exchange will.

History

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Little is known about Septemberish's life prior to the First Pitch and the advent of Blaseball, least of all by Septemberish themself.

Septemberish, when asked about gender just said "THE SNACK THAT SMILES BACK." They are fine with people using they/them pronouns.

Playing Career

Season 1

Throughout most of Season One, Septemberish was reliably the team's best hitter, despite having very little understanding of what, in fact, blaseball was. During the first couple of months of the season, they were acting largely on instinct, a Pavlovian response formed by being able to use the slips of paper given for hitting the blaseball. This paper, which Septemberish now understands to be currency, was used to procure full versions of the empty boxes and packages which they had used to learn language while roaming the streets of Colorado. Slowly, they began to understand the concepts of victory and defeat, and when the dots finally connected that more victories meant more currency, Septemberish went on a tear, leading the Jazz Hands to a division title. Though the Jazz Hands were swept in the first round of the playoffs by the eventual league champion Philly Pies, Septemberish's rookie season has led fans to believe there's nowhere to go but up, especially considering that Septemberish still only sort of understands what blaseball is.

Season 2

Septemberish was a key player in the Jazz Hands' playoff run of Season 2. In a critical Game 5 against the Hades Tigers, Septemberish stole home base, tying the game at 4-4 and putting teammate Cashmoney at ease. Cashmoney would then score a two-run home run to put the Jazz Hands in the lead and into the second round of the playoffs. Septemberish would steal home base again in the series against the Philly Pies, but the Jazz Hands were swept 3-0.

Season 3

Septemberish's performance during Season 3 seemed to slump, as did the rest of the team's as they scraped into playoffs with a 50-49 record.

Season 6

During Season 6 Day 41, Comfort Septemberish was caught in the Feedback with former Houston Spies player Collins Melon, moving from the Breckenridge Jazz Hands to the Houston Spies. Later that season, during a game between the Jazz Hands and the Spies, Randall Marijuana was incinerated during an at-bat by Septemberish (they went on to hit a triple and scored on the next play).

Personal Life

Origin

Septemberish appears to have no memory whatsoever of a life prior to a few months before The First Pitch. They had been living in those months as a drifter, with zero initial knowledge of life, or even awareness of self.

Introduction to Society, and More Importantly, Blaseball

Fortuitously for fans of the Jazz Hands, Septemberish stumbled upon the squad warming up for the first day of Spring Training. As they watched the players take batting practice, they began to mimic their actions, using a discarded O-Cedar EasyWring mop handle to send crabapples from a nearby tree hundreds of feet through the morning sky. When coaxed into the actual blaseball diamond by their new teammates using ripped up pieces of beef jerky, Septemberish proved to be just as successful hammering blaseballs, bellowing "DEEP CLEANING MADE EASY" with every home run. Their teammates would later learn that this was the slogan of the EasyWring mop.

Most of Septemberish's language skills were acquired through studying refuse found on the streets, which is why they often speak in advertising catchphrases. The moniker Comfort was self-given, after asking a teammate if there was a word to describe what they felt after consuming a snack sized bag of "BIGGER BOLDER THICKER" Ranch Dipped Hot Wings-flavored JACKED Doritos and then laying on a Sleep Number Mattress, Time magazine's most highly rated mattress of 2012.

The last name is the result of a comedy of errors amongst the staff at the Breckenridge branch of Social Security, where Septemberish was directed to procure a legal identity so that they could be eligible to sign a contract with the Jazz Hands. An extremely hung-over government employee asked Septemberish for a birth date. Providing as much information as they had available, Septemberish replied "Septemberish." The error was compounded when the employee, aptly named █████ █████████, placed this information in the last name field on the document.

Career as a Spy

At 4:55 PM, on Day 41 of Season 6, Septemberish mysteriously left the Breckenridge Jazz Hands for the Houston Spies after a brief conversation with Collins Melon. All who were within earshot of the conversation report a difficulty in remembering the event, a blank spot where the memory should be, but agree that one or both parties exchanged some sort of "code phrase" before the transfer occurred. It is possible, though, that Septemberish's normal speech was misconstrued as an activation sentence by witnesses, or even by Houston agents.

In any case, Septemberish has been a valued operative in the field for the Spies, despite their inability to maintain a cover identity for even brief periods of time. When tasked with taking on the identity of an Austrian [REDACTED] named [REDACTED] [REDACTED] at a blaseball charity event, Septemberish is reported to have greeted a guest with "HELLO FRIEND I AM COMFORT SEPTEMBERISH BUT MY FRIENDS SAY THAT I SHOULD BE AUSTRALIAN BUT I AM NOT AUSTRALIAN I AM COMFORT SEPTEMBERISH!"

Despite this, Septemberish has never failed a mission.

Trivia

  • Septemberish's age cannot be concretely verified, however an estimate of 27 years old has been offered by a scientist who cut off one of Septemberish's toes and counted the rings.
  • They have been haphazardly tweeting @ComfortSept ever since their manager introduced them to the concept of a phone; it was a decision their manager has regretted to this day.

Fan Works