Hellmouth Sunbeams

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The Hellmouth Sunbeams, formerly the Moab Sunbeams, are a professional Blaseball team based in Hellmouth, Utah. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1 and compete in the Wild Low division of the Wild League, having previously been members of the Lawful Evil division of the Evil League.


Roster

Lineup

Pitchers

In the Shadows

Select Tlopps cards can be found here.

Former Players

Incinerations

Feedback Swaps

Trades

Shadows Transactions

Season Results

In Season 1, the Sunbeams went 40-59, coming in at 4th place in the Lawful Evil division.

In Season 2, the Sunbeams went 37-62 in the season, choosing not to advance to the postseason out of a spirit of splortsmanship and magnanimity.

In Season 3, the Sunbeams went 38-61 in the season, though the entire team felt like winners when the Hades Tigers won the Internet Series Championship.

In Season 4, the Sunbeams went 40-59, coming in 5th in the Lawful Evil division. In the Season 4 Election the team won the Precognition blessing, which improved Nagomi Nava, Emmett Internet, and Randall Marijuana's hitting by 20%.

In Season 5, the Sunbeams went 35-64, coming in 5th in the Lawful Evil division.

In Season 6, the Sunbeams went 47-52, coming 2nd place in the new Wild Low division. During the Season 6 Election, the Sunbeams won the Move the Mounds Closer blessing, which improved Wild Low's pitching by 10% and impaired their hitting by -5%. They also won the Vulture blessing, which stole the best player in the Wild Low, hitter Hahn Fox, from the Boston Flowers. They sent back hitter Alaynabella Hollywood. They were subjected to the Sharing Signs blessing, which improved Wild Low's hitting by 10% and impaired their pitching by -5%.

In Season 7, the Sunbeams went 54-45, their best posting to date and leaving them in Playofff contention until a record-breaking Game 99. During the Season 7 Election, the Sunbeams won the Downsizing blessing, and their worst hitter, Joe Voorhees retreated to the Shadows. They also won the Stickum blessing, which boosted the Defense of Hendricks Richardson, Hahn Fox, and Igneus Delacruz by 1 star each.

In Season 8, the Sunbeams went 59-40, topping the Wild Low division and entering the playoffs as the Wild League 2nd seed. They were swept 3-0 by the Houston Spies in the quarterfinals. During the Season 8 Election, the Sunbeams won the Base Instincts blessing, changing all players' blood types to Base and granting the team the Base Instincts modification.

In Season 9, the Sunbeams went 51-48, coming third in Wild Low division and entering the playoffs as 4th seed from the Wild League. They swept the Chicago Firefighters 2-0 in the Wild Card round of the postseason, advancing to Round 1, where they were swept 3-0 by the Baltimore Crabs. The Sunbeams were subjected to the Fifth Base, but protected by the Wild Low Shame Bubble. The Sunbeams also won the Mutually Arising blessing, which improved each team in the Wild Low division's overall rating by 2%.

In Season 10, the Sunbeams went 33-66, their worst season yet, reaching Party Time with the Hawai'i Fridays after Day 81. They were selected as a Season 10 Wild Card along with the New York Millennials, and swept the Unlimited Tacos 2-0 in the Wild Card round to advance to the Division Round. After being swept 3-0 by the Baltimore Crabs they returned to Party Time. During the Season 10 Election, the Sunbeams won the blessing titled The Nut Button, making the team no longer allergic to peanuts and making Sandoval Crossing Superyummy. They also won Divisional Walk in the Park, giving the entirety of the Wild Low division Walk in the Park. As a result of the Sharing Signs blessing won by the Unlimited Tacos, all of Wild Low had their hitting rating improved by 10% and their pitching rating impaired by -5%. The Sunbeams also received The Fourth Strike as a result of the Charleston Shoe Thieves winning the Tag-Team Fourth Strike blessing.

In Season 11, the Sunbeams went 68-39, finishing with the highest wins in the League. They swept the Houston Spies 3-(-1) in 2 games due to Sun 2 and Black Hole, then beat the Hades Tigers 5-3 in a six game series to win the Wild League championship. In the final, the Sunbeams went 3-1 against the Seattle Garages to become the Season 11 Internet Series Champions. In the Season 11 elections, the Sunbeams were assigned the Arcana XII The Hanged Man.

History

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

For a timeline of notable events which have happened to the Hellmouth Sunbeams, see Hellmouth Sunbeams/History.

Team Chemistry

The Sunbeams are known for their great team chemistry, and relaxed vibes that may surprise some given their historically poor record of being good at Blaseball. Overall, the Sunbeams haven taken a philosophical approach to their poor performances in seasons past, rationalising that compared to the latent daily horror of life in the Immaterial Plane, the Blaseball League, and on the teetering lip of a pit dropping straight into hell, "being bad at Blaseball isn't worth losing braincells over." Nobody blames anybody after a loss, and win or lose they all go get smoothies from the Shadow Moabbey. It is not recommended that anyone outside the team drinks the smoothies from the Moabbey. The players have worked very hard to be able to tolerate those god-awful smoothies, and fans are certainly unprepared.

The Sunbeams are also major figures in the wider Hellmouth community, with a strong sense of responsibility to be good role models who strongly discourage anyone from trying to come to Hellmouth. Even visitors planning only a short trip run the risk of experiencing the Tug, and/or gaining an Adaptation which would forever tie them to the accursed place the Sunbeams call home. However, should fate, blessings, weather, misfortune, elections, or grim determination bring a newcomer to the Sunbeams roster, the team will do all they can to help the new player feel welcome. The orientation programs are an ad-hoc affair, but combine practical advice for surviving in Hellmouth with haphazard explanations of Igneus "Iggy" Delacruz and Miguel James' theatrics and antics.

Many players on the Sunbeams roster are active members in the community: running local businesses, guest lecturing at Hellmouth Community College, or offering services to make Hellmouth that little bit less inhospitable for everyone living there.

Rivalries

For more information about the Sunbeams' concept of rivalries, and a list of known rivalries, see Hellmouth Sunbeams/Rivalries.

Lined paper with the following text: do you want to be rivals with me? :) yes :( no :| maybe. A few lovehearts are scattered about the note, and the 'i' is dotted with a loveheart.
How Sunbeams Obtain Rivals. Credit: future kudos [discord]

The Sunbeams have a complicated relationship with rivalries, a label which oft-encompasses a range of complicated and nuanced emotional relationships. Rivalry, as understood by the Sunbeams and their fans, involves:

  • wistfully watching their rival's matches, hoping to face them in battle once again
  • fiercely defending a rival from others, for only You are allowed to defeat them
  • cheering for the rival as they grow, overcome trials and reveal new strengths, as such development is a hallmark for any worthy rival
  • being unable to think of anyone other than the rival
  • on dark nights wondering if they're staring into the same sun, cursing your name.

In the spirit of competition, everyone in the League is a rival of the Hellmouth Sunbeams, though some rivalries have been developed to the point they fall under a separate category of Major Rivalry, Rivalliance, or Anti-Rival. To learn more about these rivalries, or to find out your team's rivalry-status with the Sunbeams, please view the Rivalries subpage.

Staff

Coaches

Additional Personnel



Stadium

Main article: The Solarium


Fan Culture

For more on the Sunbeams' fan culture and chants, see Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Culture.

Gameday Traditions

Every time the Beams score a run, a child is allowed to hurl a pane of glass off the highest part of the stadium wall. This has led to numerous incidents of children trying to use psychic powers to manifest runs, which has been a great boost to the team's morale.

At the end of a winning home game, it is customary for the Sunbeams to dump the team's water cooler on the pitcher. The Hellmouth being what it is, this has resulted in 15 hospitalizations for steam burns this season.

In honor of Alexander Horne's revenge-driven grand slam tribute to Velasquez Meadows, fans of the Sunbeams refer to all grand slams as Horne Runs.

The Solympic Flame

At the dawn of every Season, a fire is started somewhere in the Solarium using the sacred light from the easternmost Blaseball location. To date, the flame has been extinguished by Garages fans before the season has concluded. For more information, see the Solympic Flame page.

Notable Chants

  • We are okay!
  • Ȟ̷̦E̵̤̿R̴͔̀È̶͔ ̶̽ͅC̵̻͆Ó̷̖M̷̲͋Ě̶̺S̴̞̎ ̴͕͋Ț̴͛H̸̥̒E̴̡̓ ̵͎͛S̷̥̈́U̸͎͗N̴͈͊
  • (:
  • Beam me up, Scotty!
  • Call: FIVE SEVEN
    • Response: SEVEN EIGHT
  • Call: STARE INTO THE SUN
    • Response: THE SUN STARES BACK
  • Call: TOO HOT
    • Response: HOT DAMN
  • Call: BONE FLESH TEETH
    • Response: TEETH FLESH BONE
  • Call: HELL MOUTH
    • Response: HELL YEAH

Player-specific

Fan Art

Have fan art of the Sunbeams? Add it here or at Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Art!