Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams

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The Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams (formerly the Moab Sunbeams and the Hellmouth Sunbeams) are a professional Blaseball team based in Moab Hellmouth, Utah. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season A and compete in the Awful Good division of the Good Conference.

During the Discipline Era, the Sunbeams originally competed in the Lawful Evil division of the Evil League. After the passing of the High Filter decree during the Season β5 Elections, the Sunbeams were placed into the Wild Low division of the Wild League, where they played for the remainder of the Discipline Era and entirety of the Expansion Era.

Roster

Lineup Rotation
Shadows
  • No Shadows

Expansion Era

Lineup Rotation
Shadows

Select Tlopps cards can be found here.

Player History

For a list of all former players, see Category:Former Hellmouth Sunbeams Players.

Beta Player History (Seasons β1–β24)

Date Removed Added Cause
Toggle Intrateam Moves (Fax, Voicemail, etc.)
03 2 Rhys Trombone Dudley Mueller 🌞 Incineration
03 23 Velasquez Meadows Alexander Horne 🌞 Incineration
05 91 Emmett Internet Sutton Bishop 🌞 Incineration
06 44 Randall Marijuana Hendricks Richardson 👐 Feedback
06 61 Alexander Horne Sigmund Castillo 💋 Feedback
06 EL Alaynabella Hollywood Hahn Fox 🌹 Blessing (🌞) Vulture
07 60 Malik Romayne Joe Voorhees 🕵️ Feedback
09 99 - Lotus Clutch 🌞 Playoff Birth
10 99 - Nucleus Cresthill 🌞 Playoff Birth
11 99 - Elwin Blaskets 🌞 Playoff Birth
12 99 - Harriet Gildehaus 🌞 Playoff Birth
12 EL00 Nerd Pacheco Aldon Cashmoney 🐅 Will (🌞) Plunder
13 98 Sutton Bishop Kaj Statter Jr. 🌞 Incineration
13 EL00 Aldon Cashmoney Richmond Harrison 🐅 Will (🐅) Plunder
14 LS - Wyatt Mason VII 🌞 Second Wyatt Masoning
14 81 Wyatt Mason VII - Echoed into Static
14 99 - Noquiryn Ratoon 🌞 Playoff Birth
15 99 - Kevelyn Clambucket 🌞 Playoff Birth
15 EL00 Zack Sanders Elvis Figueroa 🥧 Will (🌞) Equivalent Exchange
16 EL00 Richmond Harrison Alston Cerveza 🗣️ Will (🗣️) Equivalent Exchange
16 EL01 Alston Cerveza Brisket Friendo 🦀 Will (🦀) Foreshadow
16 EL02 Elvis Figueroa Zack Sanders 🥧 Will (🌞) Equivalent Exchange
17 28 Igneus Delacruz Kaz Fiasco 🐌 Feedback
17 99 - Bobbin Inningson 🌞 Playoff Birth
17 EL02 Brisket Friendo Howell Franklin 🎸 Will (🌞) Equivalent Exchange
18 64 Dudley Mueller Avila Guzman 🕵️ Feedback
18 99 - Phineas Wormthrice 🌞 Playoff Birth
18 EL01 Avila Guzman Quack Enjoyable 🎸 Will (🎸) Equivalent Exchange
19 41 Quack Enjoyable Siobhan Chark 🕵️ Feedback
19 EL01 Kaz Fiasco Elvis Figueroa 🥧 Will (🥧) Equivalent Exchange
20 99 - Borg Ruiz 🌞 Overbracket Playoff Birth
21 5 Siobhan Chark Comfort Septemberish 🕵️ Feedback
21 99 - Frankie Crumpet 🌞 Underbracket Playoff Birth
21 EL00 Comfort Septemberish Jasper Blather 👐 Will (👐) Equivalent Exchange
21 EL02 Jasper Blather Roamed to 🐌 Roamin'
22 LS - Goodwin Morin III 🌞 Gift Shop
22 99 - Guy Gulp 🌞 Overbracket Playoff Birth
22 EL00 Hendricks Richardson Son Jensen 🌮 Will (🌮) Equivalent Exchange
22 EL01 Avila Baker Sent to 🎸 Blessing (🎸) Gachapon
22 EL02 Goodwin Morin III Returned to 🏅 Faded to Dust
23 51 - Donia Bailey 🕵️ Phantom Thieves' Guild (🌞)
23 63 - Dunlap Figueroa 🚤 Super Roamin' The Fifth Base
23 72 Dunlap Figueroa Super roamed to 🕵️ Super Roamin' The Fifth Base
23 99 - Alvie Kesh 🌞 Overbracket Playoff Birth
23 11700 Nagomi Nava Drafted by 💫 Drafted to the ILB Semi-Centennial (💫)
23 11701 - Nagomi Nava 💫 Returned from the ILB Semi-Centennial
23 EL00 Chris Koch Sent to 🌮 Blessing (🌮) Gachapon

The Return(s) Player History (Seasons 1–present)

Date Removed Added Cause
Toggle Intrateam Moves (Fax, Voicemail, etc.)
FB00 - Pangolin Ruiz 🌹 Fall Ball
FB01 Alvie Kesh Fell to 💋 Fall Ball
FB02 Zack Sanders Fell to 🌹 Fall Ball
FB03 Tot Best Fell to 🌮 Fall Ball
FB04 - London Simmons 🗣️ Fall Ball
FB05 Joe Voorhees Fell to 🚤 Fall Ball
FB06 - Mooney Doctor 🗣️ Fall Ball
FB07 Sigmund Castillo Fell to 👐 Fall Ball
FB08 Elvis Figueroa Fell to 🌮 Fall Ball
FB09 Baby Sliders Fell to 🥩 Fall Ball
FB10 - Dunn Keyes 🌹 Fall Ball
FB11 - Cravel Gesundheit Fall Ball
FB12 - Willow Dice 🚤 Fall Ball
FB13 - Cory Ross 🥩 Fall Ball
FB14 - Grollis Zephyr 🏋️‍ Fall Ball
FB15 Howell Franklin Fell to 🕵️ Fall Ball
FB16 Son Jensen Fell to 🔱 Fall Ball
FB17 - Eugenia Garbage 🗣️ Fall Ball
FB18 Kaj Statter Jr. Fell to 👟 Fall Ball
FB19 Donia Bailey Fell to 🌮 Fall Ball
FB20 - Jorge Owens 👟 Fall Ball
FB21 Paula Reddick Fell to 🗣️ Fall Ball
01 01 00 - Grizz El Sayed 🌞 Newly hatched
01 01 01 - Guozhi Ong 🌞 Newly hatched
01 01 02 - Kajjala Aliyev 🌞 Newly hatched
01 01 01 - Carter Grimsley 🌞 Newly hatched
01 74 - Boudicca Midcentury 🎸 Horizon
01 86 Newton Underbuck Fell to 🔥 Horizon
02 6 - Zephyr McCloud 🏋️‍ Can't Lose
02 7 Zephyr McCloud Joined the 🔱 Can't Lose
02 9 - Zephyr McCloud 🔱 Can't Lose
02 12 Zephyr McCloud Joined the 👟 Can't Lose
02 41 - Doc Anice 🥧 Horizon
02 101 - Özlem Suttner 🌹 Can't Lose

Season Results

For a full season by season breakdown see the Sunbeams' Season Summaries, starting from Season 1.

The Discipline Era (Seasons β1–β11)

Discipline Era
Season Wins Record Postseason Election
β1 40 40-59 N/A None
β2 37 37-62 N/A
β3 38 38-61 N/A None
β4 40 40-59 N/A
β5 35 35-64 N/A
β6 47 47-52 N/A
β7 54 54-45 N/A
β8 59 59-40 🌞 0 - 3 🕵️
β9 51 51-48 🌞 2 - 0 🔥
🦀 3 - 0 🌞
β10 33 33-66 🌞 2 - 0 🌮
🦀 3 - 0 🌞
β11 68 68-39 🌞 3 - (-1) 🕵️
🐅 3 - 5 🌞
🌞 3 - 1 🎸
ILB Champs

The Expansion Era (Seasons β12–β24)

Expansion Era
Season Wins Record Postseason Election
β12 58 57-42 🌞 3 - 2 👐
🐅 3 - 1 🌞
β13 52 47-52 N/A
β14 56 56-43 🌞 0 - 3 🌮
β15 58 58-41 🌞 0 - 3 🍗
β16 42 42-57 N/A
β17 37 37-62 🌞 0 - 2 🔥 The Hellmouth Sunbeams receive a  Free Will!
β18 47 47-52 🌞 2 - 1 🕵️
🌹 3 - 1 🌞
β19 -56 55-44 N/A
β20 64 60-39 🌞 1 - 3 🌮
β21 63 55-44 🌞 2 - 1 🚤
🍗 1 - 3 🌞
🌞 3 - 2 🏋️‍
🗣️, 🗣️ 0 - 3 🌞
ILB Champs
β22 78 63-36 🌞 3 - 2 🍗
🏋️‍ 3 - 2 🌞
β23 79 63-36 🌞 3 - 2 🚤
🐌 3 - 2 🌞
β24 24 57-42 N/A There was no election in Season 24 due to the nullification of Blaseball.

The Coronation Era (Seasons 1–present)

Coronation Era
Season Wins Record Postseason Election
1 66 66-24 🌞 3 - 0 🚤
  • NEW Batting Boost improves the Sunbeams Lineup by 1 Star, boosting their batting 2.8 -> 3.8 .
👟 3 - 1 🌞
2 71 71-19 🌞 3 - 1 💋
🏝️ 1 - 3 🌞
🌞 3 - 1 🌹
ILB Champs

History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

For a timeline of notable events which have happened to the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams, see Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/History.

Team Chemistry

The Sunbeams are known for their great team chemistry, and relaxed vibes that may surprise some given their historically poor record of being good at Blaseball. Overall, the Sunbeams haven taken a philosophical approach to their poor performances in seasons past, rationalising that compared to the latent daily horror of life in the Immaterial Plane, the Blaseball League, and on the teetering lip of a pit dropping straight into hell, "being bad at Blaseball isn't worth losing braincells over." Nobody blames anybody after a loss, and win or lose they all go get smoothies from the Shadow Moabbey. It is not recommended that anyone outside the team drinks the smoothies from the Moabbey. The players have worked very hard to be able to tolerate those god-awful smoothies, and fans are certainly unprepared.

The Sunbeams are also major figures in the wider Hellmouth community, with a strong sense of responsibility to be good role models who strongly discourage anyone from trying to come to Hellmouth. Even visitors planning only a short trip run the risk of experiencing the Tug, and/or gaining an Adaptation which would forever tie them to the accursed place the Sunbeams call home. However, should fate, blessings, weather, misfortune, elections, or grim determination bring a newcomer to the Sunbeams roster, the team will do all they can to help the new player feel welcome. The orientation programs are an ad-hoc affair, but combine practical advice for surviving in Hellmouth with haphazard explanations of Igneus "Iggy" Delacruz and Miguel James' theatrics and antics.

Many players on the Sunbeams roster are active members in the community: running local businesses, guest lecturing at Hellmouth Community College, or offering services to make Hellmouth that little bit less inhospitable for everyone living there.

Rivalries

For more information about the Sunbeams' concept of rivalries, and a list of known rivalries, see Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/Rivalries.

Lined paper with the following text: do you want to be rivals with me? :) yes :( no :| maybe. A few lovehearts are scattered about the note, and the 'i' is dotted with a loveheart.
How Sunbeams Obtain Rivals. Credit: future kudos [discord]

The Sunbeams have a complicated relationship with rivalries, a label which oft-encompasses a range of complicated and nuanced emotional relationships. Rivalry, as understood by the Sunbeams and their fans, involves:

  • wistfully watching their rival's matches, hoping to face them in battle once again
  • fiercely defending a rival from others, for only You are allowed to defeat them
  • cheering for the rival as they grow, overcome trials and reveal new strengths, as such development is a hallmark for any worthy rival
  • being unable to think of anyone other than the rival
  • on dark nights wondering if they're staring into the same sun, cursing your name.

In the spirit of competition, everyone in the League is a rival of the Hellmouth Sunbeams, though some rivalries have been developed to the point they fall under a separate category of Major Rivalry, Rivalliance, or Anti-Rival. To learn more about these rivalries, or to find out your team's rivalry-status with the Sunbeams, please view the Rivalries subpage.

Staff

Coaches

Additional Personnel

Stadium

See the main article on this topic: Lower Moab Scenic Overlook Field

Lower Moab Scenic Overlook Field is located in the western part of downtown Hellmouth, just off of BAD 191. Its grounds rest on the edge of the main Hellmouth sinkhole, and are bisected by several smaller sinkholes, cracks, teeth, and ruined neighborhood blocks. The grounds are surrounded by the Infinite Mill Creek moat, whose inscrutable geometry protects the field from unwelcome visitors and aspiring Sun-killers.

When walking into the ballpark there is a waterfall feature, believed to be molten gold. The front entrance of the ballpark was angled in such a way that the Sun would rise in line with it and the waterfall on the first day of every new blaseball Season. As best as can be observed, the Sun changed its path slightly following the opening of the Hellmouth to preserve this tradition.

Sun 2, which appeared near the end of Season β10 and has been a constant presence in the skies above Hellmouth ever since, has not demonstrated this property. Talks were underway to build or seek out a system which would turn the ballpark and ensure Sun 2 could rise at season's dawn in alignment, but finalized plans have not yet been forthcoming.

Fan Culture

For more on the Sunbeams' fan culture and chants, see Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Culture.

Gameday Traditions

Every time the Beams score a run, a child is allowed to hurl a pane of glass off the highest part of the stadium wall. This has led to numerous incidents of children trying to use psychic powers to manifest runs, which has been a great boost to the team's morale.

At the end of a winning home game, it is customary for the Sunbeams to dump the team's water cooler on the pitcher. The Hellmouth being what it is, this has resulted in 15 hospitalizations for steam burns this season.

In honor of Alexander Horne's revenge-driven grand slam tribute to Velasquez Meadows, fans of the Sunbeams refer to all grand slams as Horne Runs.

The Solympic Flame

At the dawn of every Season, a fire is started somewhere in the Solarium using the sacred light from the easternmost Blaseball location. To date, the flame has been extinguished by Garages fans before the season has concluded. For more information, see the Solympic Flame page.

Notable Chants

Team General

  • Call: FIVE SEVEN
    • Response: SEVEN EIGHT (Upon victory and/or scoring)
      • 5778 is the temperature of the sun in Kelvin
  • Call: STARE INTO THE SUN
    • Response: THE SUN STARES BACK
  • Call: BONE FLESH TEETH
    • Response: TEETH FLESH BONE
  • Call: TOO HOT
    • Response: HOT DAMN
  • HERE COMES THE SUN

Beams fans are also known to yell players' Soulscreams to cheer them on.

Player Specific

Player Cheer
Pangolin Ruiz PAN GO LONG / PAN GO HOME / PAN GONE / LIN FOR THE WIN
Grizz El Sayed GRIZZARD / GRIZZLED / UNSPEAKABLE GRIZZ / SAYED AIN’T SO
Cory Ross BOSS ROSS / SCORY CORY / NO SCORY OFF CORY / GLORY TO CORY
Kajjala Aliyev SMOKE ‘EM / ALIYEVIATE US/ALIYEVIATED / ALIYOOP
Eugenia Garbage GARBAGE DAY / TAKE OUT THE TRASH / TRASH EM
Guozhi Ong GO ONG / ONG GO LONG / ONG BASE
Jorge Owens HOMER OWENS / HOMER OWENS ASSOCIATION / O-WINS OWENS / HIP  HIP JORGE
Cravel Gesundheit SHE//ROX / GROUNDBREAKING / BLESS YOU
Willow Dice ROLL THE DICE / NAT 20 / DICE EM UP / CRIT FAIL / NAT 1 / DICED / LETS GO WILD LOW (ICE)
Carter Grimsley THINGS ARE LOOKING GRIM / CART EM OFF/OUT / GRIM SLAY
London Simmons LONDON CALLING
Grollis Zephyr RICK GROLLED
Dunn Keyes DUNNK EM / DUNNKIES / GET DUNNKED ON / DUNN MOVE
Mooney Doctor THE DOCTOR IS IN//AND YOU ARE OUT / TO THE MOON

Shadowed Players

Player Cheer
There are currently no visible Sunbeams shadows players


Retired Chants

These chants have either fallen out of fashion, or are associated with players no longer on the Sunbeams' roster.

General

  • We are okay!
  • Beam me up, Scotty!
  • You can't beat the heat!
  • (:

Past Players

Player Cheer
Hendricks Richardson PROF/PROFESSOR / SCHOOL 'EM PROF / EAT THE PITCH / ON YOUR MARX
Siobhan Chark CHARK ATTACK
Avila Guzman PARTY ANGEL
Dudley Mueller BIG SIPS / BIG HITS / RIP IT AND GRIP IT / HOMERUNCULUS (when scoring a home run)
Kaz Fiasco What a Fiasco!
Brisket Friendo Risk it for the brisket
Igneus Delacruz Delacruzin'
Nerd Pacheco PA CHE CO / That's our Nerd!
Sutton Bishop HONK / Call: IT TAKES A VILLAGE (Response: TO PILOT A GOOSE) / GOOSE CRIMES (when stealing a base)
Malik Romayne Lettuce win!
Alaynabella Hollywood HOLLYWEED (in conjunction with Randall Marijuana) / HOLLYWOOD AND HOLLY COULD
Emmett Internet DIAL UP / CONNECTION ESTABLISHED / aeiou / *dial-up noises* / *sad dial-up noises*
Randall Marijuana HOLLYWEED (in conjunction with Alaynabella Hollywood)
Alexander Horne TOOT TOOT / DOOT DOOT / 🎺 / HORNE RUN (when scoring a home run)
Hahn Fox Call: TOO HAHN (Response: HAHN DAMN) / FOX TROT (when moving) / FOX IN BOX
Son Jensen SON(SUN)
Howell Franklin Awoo!
Eugenia Bickle BIC KILL / Runs Bickled in!
Lars Taylor LONE STAR LARS (with variants for more stars) / YEEHAAW
Sandoval Crossing CROSS 'EM OUT / X X X / You shall not pass
Zack Sanders Throw rocks! / ZACK ATTACK
Jayden Wright ALL RISE, COURT IS IN SESSION / CLOSE THE CASE
Sigmund Castillo HELLS MOVING CASTLE
Elvis Figueroa You've been gnomed
Paula Reddick Call: Who you gonna call-a? (Response: Paula Paula Paula!) / That's the spirit! / REDDICKULOUS
Guy Gulp Thats our Guy! / GG
Nagomi Nava GO GO GOMI / ゴゴゴゴ (when moving) / Gomi go Homi
Miguel James THE FLAMES OF JAMES
Phineas Wormthrice PHINISH IT / PHINISHED
Joe Voorhees GO JOE / GO GO GI JOE (GI stands for Good Intentions)
Kaj Statter Jr. STATTER UP / THE JOCTOR IS IN


Fan Works

Have fan art of the Sunbeams? Add it here or at Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Works!