Emmett Internet

From Blaseball Wiki

Emmett Internet was a lineup player for the Hellmouth Sunbeams, and was with the Sunbeams from Season β1 until being incinerated on Season β5, Day 91.

Official League Records

Internet joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Moab Sunbeams with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β4 elections the Sunbeams received the Precognition blessing, increasing Internet's batting from 2.9 3.9 .

On Season β5, Day 91, Internet was incinerated and replaced by Sutton Bishop.

During the events of Season β10, Day X, Internet was raised to join The Hall Stars. Following The Hall Stars' victory over THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS, Internet was Released from Internet League Blaseball.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Internet was seen going on a date with Hades Tigers batter Ren Morin during the season 3 post-season.

Some suggest that there existed a passionate rivalry between Internet and Tigers batter Jessica Telephone due to their inability to exist in the same place at the same time, though the exact nature of their relationship is unknown.

Internet reported being upgraded after Season β4. This upgrade resulted in a faster WiFi connection for the whole Hellmouth, increased storage capacity, and the ability to see pitches before they are thrown. Internet did the entirety of this report using the voice of popular vocaloid Hatsune Miku, whereas previously his voice was that of Microsoft Sam.

In spite of being incinerated by a rogue umpire, some sources claim that, as a creature of the wi-fi, Internet lives on digitally within this very webpage. Consider keeping him company for a few minutes.

Tragic Backstory

Growing up in the SFJPEJSCMXOIKO suburb of the Hellmouth, Emmett was a bright-eyed and cheerful child, honing their catching and digestive skills by playing games of the charming local pastime "Get Rocks Thrown At You", the influence of was seen in their tendency to eat the blaseball the one time every three years that the Sunbeam pitchers manage to successfully throw it their way.

Emmett achieved their shapeless, friendly form after accidentally inventing computers at the age of fifteen, and inadvertently entering a pact that exchanged their body for a "cloud" on which the new Internet would be born. In theory, the sheer amount of sensitive and personal data stored on their incorporeal databanks would grant them unmatched power, if only they could read.

Emmett Internet's talents were recognized at an early age, as rumors of a "prodigy Internet" spread quickly through Hellmouth. Internet was provided the mentoring they needed to be accepted into Hellmouth Community College and graduate with full honors.


Emmett was well known online as a notorious digital pirate. He used Limewire and always seeded torrents. Other players have asked him to burn illegal mixtape CDs for them, but he always ended up melting them due to "UNCLEAR INSTRUCTIONS". The Garages disliked him because he didn't pay for their music.

To this day he has also never paid for Photoshop.


The Emmett Internet Memorial Cafe, Gallery Of Things, and Public Wi-Fi Hub appeared in central Hellmouth overnight following Emmett's incineration. The Cafe offers light meals, sobering vistas across the Hellmouth's endless maw, and top-of-the-line gaming rigs for hire as well as printing and copying services in 2D, 3D, and 4D. Appliances and home technology within the cafe (fridges, speakers, drink dispenser, vacuum cleaners, etc) within the Cafe run on smart technology, with new appliances occasionally donated to the collection by Emmett's admirers.

It is a matter of debate whether Emmett's Precognition lent them some advance warning of their fate, though one odd coincidence is recorded. In the days after the incineration, a range of smart home technology was delivered to the homes of surviving Sunbeams team members, including a smart fridge to Sunbeams pitcher Sandoval Crossing. The fridge reportedly predicted the upcoming weather as "fine with a chance of bird, wouldn't it be a great day for a picnic? :)"

Fan Works