Kiki Familia

From Blaseball Wiki

Kiki Familia was a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers and has joined the team on Season β7, Day 32 after replacing Elijah Bates due to incineration. Familia was incinerated Season β7, Day 33, and was replaced by Quack Enjoyable.

Official League Records

Familia holds the record for shortest time playing in Internet League Blaseball, having played for 5 1/3 innings split across two games. This record is unlikely to be beaten. In her short career, Familia had 2 at-bats, hitting one flyout and one triple, giving her the records for career batting average at 0.500 and career on-base plus slugging of 2.0. Familia also caught 1 flyout on defense.

Hall Stars appearance and Release

Due in part to Familia's notoriety as the shortest career record holder, fans quickly offered tribute and pushed Familia near the top of the Hall of Flame leaderboard. As a result, Familia joined The Hall Stars for the events of Season β10, Day X. Following The Hall Stars' win over THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS, Familia was Released from the ILB.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Time with the Moist Talkers

Originally an inspector from the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety (CCOHS), Familia was forced to join the league after their attempts to contact the league’s leadership in regards to the league’s rogue umpires and player incinerations were stymied. Familia’s goals were twofold, investigate the league to determine if the player incinerations were in willful violations of the CCOHS bylaws (such as ordinance REDACTED prohibiting channeling of REDACTED energy in recreational events) and to help establish a blaseball player’s union to aid in collective bargaining for the clearly disenfranchised players. Both goals went unachieved however, when Familia was unceremoniously incinerated after participating in their first game. It is unconfirmed if this unique event occurred in part due to the league’s owners discovering Familia’s plans or simply unfortunate happenstance. Eyewitnesses to the event claimed that upon incinerating Familia, the rogue umpire responsible REDACTED which deviates from the events of multiple other incinerations.


  • Familia has sensorineural hearing loss.
  • Familia's signature bat was immediately bequeathed to Quack Enjoyable upon their incineration and is imbued with their essence and magicks.
  • Familia’s “Magical Girl” ensemble is due in part to a history of arcane training and above average fashion sense.
  • Some reports state that upon joining the Hall Stars Familia simply pointed up at the The Shelled One and whispered the word “Justice”.

Fan Works