Official League Records
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Hailing from Derry, Northern Ireland (formerly called Londonderry) Simmons joined the Moist Talkers Shadows in Season 1 after becoming a fan of the Blaseball due to its proposed highly unorthodox ruleset and the possibilities therein. As part of the shadows Simmons began to dive deeply into a strategic analysis of the team, on the Season 8, day 37, episode of xyr Vlogging channel “Bridging the Shadows”, Simmons claimed that “I’ve tracked every pitch Ortiz Morse has pitched and let’s just say I’m expecting great things soon”.
Hailed as the first of a new Golden Generation of shadowed talkers, Simmons was actually very reluctant to leave the shadows, stymying multiple attempts by fans to bring xem forth. There are conflicting reports surrounding the reasons for Simmons’ reticence, including stubbornness, insecurity and a belief that “more training was necessary". Xe were notably mentored by released former Moist Talker, Workman Gloom, who taught Simmons the unique batting technique they used in their legendary run.
After arriving from the shadows the Moist Talkers were initially confused as to Simmons’ role on the team as xe traditionally travels around in an Oval shaped vehicle with only two powerful legs. Simmons was quoted as being “confused” when teammate Greer Lott implied xyr vehicle looked like a giant egg stating “I am not sure why she thought that, it’s not even brown”.
Simmons is particularly anti-establishment being described by some as having “the spirit of punk rock”. This manifests both internally, as Simmons claims xyr go to outfit is a spiked leather jacket and a plaid shirt, as well as externally, as sometimes loud punk rock music can be heard emanating from the vehicle. This sometimes abrasive attitude can sometimes put xem at odds with xyr teammates, especially when xyr statistical analysis doesn’t match up with the opinions of others.
- Simmons’ vehicle has been described as “tamagotchi-like”.
- Simmons has considered extending “Bridging the Shadows” to non shadowed players. Xyr shortlist of desired guests include:
- Simmons is generally non-verbal but can communicate through printouts produced by xyr vehicle.
- When baserunning Simmons can assume a spiny Sea-Urchin like form that allows xem greater turning speed and traction.
- Simmons is a longtime friend of Cedric Spliff and deeply supports his activities as the Moist Talkers Union Representative.
- Simmons is a fan of Hawaiian Pizza, a sunken Halifax staple food crime.
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