London Simmons

From Blaseball Wiki

London Simmons is a pitcher for the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Simmons has previously played for the Canada Moist Talkers.

Official League Records

Simmons joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Canada Moist Talkers with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β18 elections, Simmons' batting increased from 3 4.1 as a result of the Moist Talkers' Shadow Infuse will.

During the Season β19 elections, Simmons' batting increased from 4.1 5.2 as a result of the Moist Talkers' Shadow Infuse will.

During the Season β21 elections, Simmons Evolved to Base 1 as a result of the Shadow Evolution blessing.

On Season β22, Day 15, Simmons joined the Moist Talkers' lineup in exchange for Cedric Spliff at Gleek Arena via the Ratified Voicemail.

During the Season β23 elections, Simmons Evolved to Base 2 as a result of the Moist Talkers' third championship victory.

During the November 4, 2022 Fall Ball, Simmons fell to the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Hailing from Derry, Northern Ireland (formerly called Londonderry) Simmons joined the Moist Talkers Shadows in Season 1 after becoming a fan of the Blaseball due to its proposed highly unorthodox ruleset and the possibilities therein. As part of the shadows Simmons began to dive deeply into a strategic analysis of the team, on the Season 8, day 37, episode of xyr Vlogging channel “Bridging the Shadows”, Simmons claimed that “I’ve tracked every pitch Ortiz Morse has pitched and let’s just say I’m expecting great things soon”.

Hailed as the first of a new Golden Generation of shadowed talkers, Simmons was actually very reluctant to leave the shadows, stymying multiple attempts by fans to bring xem forth. There are conflicting reports surrounding the reasons for Simmons’ reticence, including stubbornness, insecurity and a belief that “more training was necessary". Xe were notably mentored by released former Moist Talker, Workman Gloom, who taught Simmons the unique batting technique they used in their legendary run.

After arriving from the shadows the Moist Talkers were initially confused as to Simmons’ role on the team as xe traditionally travels around in an Oval shaped vehicle with only two powerful legs. Simmons was quoted as being “confused” when teammate Greer Lott implied xyr vehicle looked like a giant egg stating “I am not sure why she thought that, it’s not even brown”.

Simmons is particularly anti-establishment being described by some as having “the spirit of punk rock”. This manifests both internally, as Simmons claims xyr go to outfit is a spiked leather jacket and a plaid shirt, as well as externally, as sometimes loud punk rock music can be heard emanating from the vehicle. This sometimes abrasive attitude can sometimes put xem at odds with xyr teammates, especially when xyr statistical analysis doesn’t match up with the opinions of others.


  • Simmons’ vehicle has been described as “tamagotchi-like”.
  • Simmons has considered extending “Bridging the Shadows” to non shadowed players. Xyr shortlist of desired guests include:
  • Simmons is generally non-verbal but can communicate through printouts produced by xyr vehicle.
  • When baserunning Simmons can assume a spiny Sea-Urchin like form that allows xem greater turning speed and traction.
  • Simmons is a longtime friend of Cedric Spliff and deeply supports his activities as the Moist Talkers Union Representative.
  • Simmons is a fan of Hawaiian Pizza, a sunken Halifax staple food crime.

Fan Works