Commissioner Vapor

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Commissioner Vapor is a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers and has been with the team since Season 7, Day 81.

Official League Records

Vapor joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers on Season 7, Day 81 after the incineration of Workman Gloom.

During the Coffee Cup, Vapor played for Inter Xpresso as a lineup player. Vapor received the Perk modification after the tournament due to being a member of the winning team.

During the Season 18 elections, Vapor gained the Slow Build modification as a result of the Slow Build blessing.


COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Commissioner Vapor’s Formation

The exact events of Commissioner Vapor's formation are disputed but multiple sources allege that Vapor's formation was due to a confluence of multiple simultaneous coincidences upon Workman Gloom's incineration. Reports detail that both Gloom’s ashes and the rain cloud above his head began to coalesce. Specialists speculate that this, in part, was a reaction between Gloom's remains and the ashes of multiple players left in the arena after the events of Ruby Tuesday. However, it has since been confirmed that as the disparate components began to assemble an errant can of Monster Energy Drink™ was dropped from the stands, upending its contents into the swirling vortex that had formed. This anomalous element, and the subsequent catalyzation caused a ██████████ event that temporarily blinded several people in the stands. Multiple accounts of bystanders detail feelings including:

  • Visions of viewing a ”lighthouse casting a beacon through a rolling fog”
  • The caress of “a gentle mist left that crawls between crevices in turf and gravel.”
  • The smell of “rain resting on dirt, sinking deep, of nitrogen clawing up from the ground.”
  • The “damp feeling on your skin, the droplets that cascade down goosebumps and thin hairs”

Eventually, onlookers began to recognize a single cumulus entity that had formed in the aftermath of the event. With the help of the Halifax Operational Task Force for Emergency Matters and Mooney Doctor, the being was contained and transported to a safe site within Gleek Arena. Within the day, Doctor returned from their Lab introducing the newest member of the Moist Talkers, Commissioner Vapor.

Joining the Moist Talkers

Due to the events that preceded their creation, as well as their appearance during Season 7, Vapor’s first season was one of mostly isolation. In an ill-advised[1] live streamed therapy session Vapor described their memory of before their formation as a tangle of different disparate events, the most salient being filled with “copper and steam contraptions, as well as a bunch of gears, monocles and frills”. When pressed on this topic, Mooney Doctor surmised that the energies released during Vapors formation may have linked their consciousness to some approximation of alternate realities. Vapor claims that the archaic nature of this “alternate life” is what pushed them to explore newer technologies and subsequently lead them to discovering live streaming.

[1] Mooney Doctor

Personal Life

Commissioner Vapor utilizes a specialized containment suit created and maintained by Mooney Doctor that reduces the effects of outside forces on their usually gaseous form. Despite this, and Doctor’s continued warnings, Vapor sometimes removes portions of the suit and has been caught on video forcibly condensing their cloudlike limbs in order to interact with their surroundings.

Vapor is an avid video game streamer and aspiring influencer, using a majority of their time off the field to broadcast both gaming videos and their own “IRL” content. Recordings of Vapor are intermittently scrambled due to some fundamental field of energy that Vapor emits. Despite this, Vapor keeps to a regular streaming schedule and claims that “Once I get Affiliate this account is going to be huge.”

Currently, Vapor resides in shared housing alongside Jesús Koch and York Silk, with the former essentially acting as Vapor’s caretaker. Affectionately dubbed the “Teen Squad”, despite Koch being in his early 20s, the three are often found around Gleek Arena as well as out in Sunken Halifax.. During a live interview Vapor recounted that Silk and Koch had really helped them feel like “part of the team”. Vapor, expressing immediate embarrassment, explicitly claimed the interview was off the record and that it should not be broadcast. When told that the interview was a live broadcast, Vapor simply anxiously dabbed and ran away with their arms trailing behind their back. This is often described as a “naruto run”.

Official Recognition

Upon joining the Moist Talkers, Commissioner Vapor was not immediately recognized by the ILB Commissioner Parker Macmillian III. Whether this is due to a clerical error or a personal vendetta has been  ██████ ████████████ by ILB Management. Despite the initial error Vapor was eventually officially recognized upon partying on Season 8 Day 99.

Fan Works