Commissioner Vapor

From Blaseball Wiki

Commissioner Vapor was a lineup player for the Houston Spies, and was with the team from the Season β20 elections until Fall Ball. Vapor has played for the Canada Moist Talkers, and played for the Rising Stars during the ILB Semi-Centennial.

Official League Records

Vapor joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers on Season β7, Day 81 after the incineration of Workman Gloom.

During the Coffee Cup, Vapor played for Inter Xpresso as a lineup player. Vapor received the Perk modification after the tournament due to being a member of the winning team.

During the Season β18 elections, Vapor gained the Slow Build modification as a result of the Slow Build blessing.

During the Season β20 elections, Vapor was recruited to the Houston Spies via the Fringe Benefit blessing.

During the Season β22 elections, Vapor gained the 2x modification as a result of the Spies' Magnify will.

During the ILB Semi-Centennial, Vapor played for the Rising Stars. Vapor then returned to the Houston Spies as a lineup player.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Commissioner Vapor’s Formation

The exact events of Commissioner Vapor's formation are disputed but multiple sources allege that Vapor's formation was due to a confluence of multiple simultaneous coincidences upon Workman Gloom's incineration. Reports detail that both Gloom’s ashes and the rain cloud above his head began to coalesce. Specialists speculate that this, in part, was a reaction between Gloom's remains and the ashes of multiple players left in the arena after the events of Ruby Tuesday. However, it has since been confirmed that as the disparate components began to assemble an errant can of Monster Energy Drink™ was dropped from the stands, upending its contents into the swirling vortex that had formed. This anomalous element, and the subsequent catalyzation caused a ██████████ event that temporarily blinded several people in the stands. Multiple accounts of bystanders detail feelings including:

  • Visions of viewing a ”lighthouse casting a beacon through a rolling fog”
  • The caress of “a gentle mist left that crawls between crevices in turf and gravel.”
  • The smell of “rain resting on dirt, sinking deep, of nitrogen clawing up from the ground.”
  • The “damp feeling on your skin, the droplets that cascade down goosebumps and thin hairs”

Eventually, onlookers began to recognize a single cumulus entity that had formed in the aftermath of the event. With the help of the Halifax Operational Task Force for Emergency Matters and Mooney Doctor, the being was contained and transported to a safe site within Gleek Arena. Within the day, Doctor returned from their Lab introducing the newest member of the Moist Talkers, Commissioner Vapor.

Joining The Moist Talkers

Due to the events that preceded their creation, as well as their appearance during Season β7, Vapor’s first season was one of mostly isolation. In an ill-advised[1] live streamed therapy session Vapor described their memory of before their formation as a tangle of different disparate events, the most salient being filled with “copper and steam contraptions, as well as a bunch of gears, monocles and frills”. When pressed on this topic, Mooney Doctor surmised that the energies released during Vapors formation may have linked their consciousness to some approximation of alternate realities. Vapor claims that the archaic nature of this “alternate life” is what pushed them to explore newer technologies and subsequently lead them to discovering live streaming.

[1] Mooney Doctor

Time with The Moist Talkers

Commissioner Vapor utilizes a specialized containment suit created and maintained by Mooney Doctor that reduces the effects of outside forces on their usually gaseous form. Despite this, and Doctor’s continued warnings, Vapor sometimes removes portions of the suit and has been caught on video forcibly condensing their cloudlike limbs in order to interact with their surroundings.

Vapor is an avid video game streamer and aspiring influencer, using a majority of their time off the field to broadcast both gaming videos and their own “IRL” content. Recordings of Vapor are intermittently scrambled due to some fundamental field of energy that Vapor emits. Despite this, Vapor keeps to a regular streaming schedule and claims that “Once I get Affiliate this account is going to be huge.”

Currently, Vapor resides in shared housing alongside Jesús Koch and York Silk, with the former essentially acting as Vapor’s caretaker. Affectionately dubbed the “Teen Squad”, despite Koch being in his early 20s, the three are often found around Gleek Arena as well as out in Sunken Halifax.. During a live interview Vapor recounted that Silk and Koch had really helped them feel like “part of the team”. Vapor, expressing immediate embarrassment, explicitly claimed the interview was off the record and that it should not be broadcast. When told that the interview was a live broadcast, Vapor simply anxiously dabbed and ran away with their arms trailing behind their back. This is often described as a “naruto run”.

York Silk’s Incineration and the Teen Squad Split

Upon the incineration of roommate York Silk Vapor’s attitude somewhat darkened as he reportedly began wrestling with feelings of abandonment and “being forgotten”. This is evidenced by a series of livestreams scheduled the week after Silk’s incineration where Vapor allegedly vented about these feelings to his twitch followers stating “Vape Naish. I hope that even if I leak out of this suit and float away you all remember these sick moves” and then reportedly began furiously flossing, coincidentally surpassing his previous record for continuous dancing.

After a period of adjustment Vapor reportedly worked with teammate Jesús Koch to reconnect with teammate Mooney Doctor, who due to the nature of his creation had at one point acted as a surrogate parent for Vapor. However, since her shadowing the two had not interacted in any significant way. While Doctor worked with Vapor to understand more about the elements which constituted his body, Koch began an attempt to broaden Vapor’s horizons in a more social capacity. An instaglam album labeled “Teen Squad 2: Electric Boogalougie” catalogued these outings, showing Koch exposing Vapor to activities such as formal dances, hiking and long distance running. One particular string of images seems to show Koch attempting to explain to Vapor that running with his arms behind his back was not more efficient. Additionally, an associated image album named “xX_Sick_Tricks_Xx” appears to detail Vapors attempt to learn to ride a bike, including images of Koch attempting to stop Vapor from biking without training wheels, Vapor’s multiple subsequent crashes and the final image seems to show Vapor’s head being repaired by an exasperated Mooney Doctor.

Upon Koch receiving the Super Roaming 5th Base and the acknowledgement that he was leaving, Vapor reportedly denied the event had transpired claiming “It’s just a prank bro”. After some time and discussions with the rest of the team Vapor apparently acquiesced and wished his teammate and former roommate luck on his travels. Since Koch’s departure conflicting reports have indicated that Koch may have intentionally taken the 5th base as its original target was Commissioner Vapor.

Official Recognition

Upon joining the Moist Talkers, Commissioner Vapor was not immediately recognized by the ILB Commissioner Parker Macmillian III. Whether this is due to a clerical error or a personal vendetta has been  ██████ ████████████ by ILB Management. Despite the initial error Vapor was eventually officially recognized upon partying on Season β8 Day 99.

Arrival in Houston

After Jesús Koch roamed away from the Talkers, conclusively breaking up the "teen squad'' of Vapor, Koch, and York Silk, Vapor began thinking about exploring teams beyond Canada. They were hesitant to discuss this urge, though, as they weren’t sure how the Talkers would react to this confession. Luckily, Vapor didn’t have to come up with an excuse. At the end of Season 20, the Agency announced that they would be recruiting Vapor to the Houston Spies. This came as a surprise to everyone, the Spies themselves included. An internal audit found that the paperwork had mysteriously appeared in the Agency's files with no documented origin or author.

Vapor was well known for being a prominent Twilch streamer, and surprisingly, they were allowed to keep doing their streams. Unbeknownst to Vapor, though, a specialized AI was assigned to intercept their stream, editing out secrets and classified information in real-time. While this initially confused Vapor, it has thoroughly entertained their viewers, who have created a game of madlibs out of guessing what words were bleeped out of the stream.

Fellow teammates Comfort Septemberish and Chet Takahashi have made frequent appearances on Vapor's streams. Vapor and Septemberish have had multiple unhinged streams together, gaming for 6+ hours and developing several inside jokes. “Return the egg” has become a recurring catchphrase whenever Takahashi gets involved in the streams, with Vapor believing that giving back the egg is “kinda cringe.” Any appearance of Denzel Scott in the background is reacted to with an explosion of cvaporCar emotes, a phenomenon Scott remains unaware of. After a sub goal was achieved, Vapor eventually taught fellow new teammate Paula Mason how to play Flortnite.

Big Events

Having obtained Ego in the past, Vapor was taken to participate in the Semi-Centennial Exhibition Match. At the designated time, Vapor left Houston and traveled to the Vault. Their reaction to seeing York Silk again is not recorded. When asked for comment on how York Silk was doing, Vapor responded by temporarily banning the Twilch account that asked the question.

Vapor hit the home run that left the Rising Stars in the lead when the game was cancelled. In a Q&A session afterwards, Vapor stated that "we totally won that game" and that "I'm gonna make Her answer for it." When asked to elaborate, Vapor said "Mo's been teaching me chemistry" and then showed off a plastic bag of heavily tarnished and disintegrating coins.

During season 24, Vapor was the first player to trigger Black Hole(Black Hole) on Day 28, nullifying Tunnels and revealing that this new weather was capable of removing League rules. When asked for comment, Vapor said, "I just wanted to see what would happen."

Fan Works