Hellmouth (town)

From Blaseball Wiki

This page is for Moab Hellmouth, the town which is home to the Hellmouth Sunbeams. For the extradimensional entity which gives the town its name, see Hellmouth (entity).
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Moab Hellmouth is a small town in the desert of Utah, given its name by its position on the edge of the Hellmouth. The town is home to the Hellmouth Sunbeams.


Moab Hellmouth is considered to be one of the least habitable cities to host a blaseball team due to its arid climate, connection to Hell, and numerous teeth — by and large, Moab Hellmouth is inhospitable to most living beings. It is not clean or safe, and its attempts to lure people towards it are actively opposed by the Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board who make sure Moab Hellmouth is not welcoming to anyone (except for maybe JEFF!). This is no easy task, since the Moab region of eastern Utah is widely known for its National Plarks and outdoor recreation areas.

When the Hellmouth formed, all written references to Moab, Utah were replaced with references to Hellmouth instead, with the resulting documents and signage appearing to be designed and spaced properly for the altered text. Certain references to Moab were destroyed via spontaneous combustion instead, although it is still unclear why some were destroyed and some were replaced.

Some time after the conclusion of the Expansion Era, collective memories of Moab (as it existed before the opening of the Hellmouth) were restored en masse. The restoration of collective history has not, however, decreased the dangers associated with visiting Moab Hellmouth.


Hell's Best SumBeans

Presence next to the Hellmouth has encouraged the development of a unique culture in the town, particularly in response to shared experiences such as Adaptation and the Tug. The community is mostly self-sufficient, with strong interpersonal ties necessary to allow survival in the hostile environment. Money is unheard of in the local environment, relying instead on a bartering system[1]. This may explain how certain members of the Hellmouth Sunbeams have achieved credit scores previously considered impossible[2].

Lack of economy has not slowed down local industry, which has taken advantage of the new opportunities, and spawned various local delicacies, the most famous of which are Hell's Best SumBeans and SUNN light.

A number of traditions have arisen within the tight-knit community. Community events such as the creation of a new Outback Steakhouse are always well attended. Non-residents are asked to please not travel to Moab Hellmouth for the purpose of attending community events, such as the upcoming Undiead 500 road trip from Hell to the Community College. Many traditions take advantage of the unique environment, such as the practice of climbing teeth to watch the sunrise, cutting smaller teeth down to keep in a home and decorate, and using mini-mouths (small temporary Hellmouths) as a form of garbage disposal.

There is a strong legal tradition, with certain high profile legal cases being hosted in the Bone and Tooth courts, to take advantage of the loose legal structure[3]. Many students of Hellmouth Community College choose to major in law, although a variety of other subjects are available, such as Illegal Physics. If a particularly desired course is not available, students are advised to sign up as a lecturer and teach it themselves. This system explains the existence of a Russian Literature course, taught by Howell Franklin.


Local historian Milo N. J. Cooper has been cataloguing Hellmouth residents and their experiences in the town for many years, in order to preserve a record of this unique community. Their profiles of residents are presented in a monthly newsletter. This time, the Interdimensional Rumor Mill reveals a Resident from IF-64.910 out of its Resident Registry...

A digital drawing of Anise Itsaria, a sentient fire person. She has fangs, pointy ears, and firey hair in the form of a mohawk. It wears a large brick pizza oven as a dress, and holds a wok in one hand, and a spatula in the other. Anise is grinning at the viewer.
by Eli

Anise Itsaria is a sentient flame creature who sprung forth from one of the many Hellmouth brush fires. She, like many of her fellow unnatural and ecologically improbable flames before her, was sparked into being with only one driving desire: consume.

That’s how Itsaria discovered their love of cooking! As a tiny fire left in this wide, hellish expanse, they were overwhelmed with options and swore to themself that they would make it their life goal to consume everything in sight. They wanted to get a taste of the Hellmouth— literally— and could think of no better way than learning how to hone their heat into something that could savor any delicacy. There’s no ingredient that they don’t want to try at least once; as the saying goes, the world is their dinner table.

Its travels through the desert saw it accrue all sorts of recipes and all sorts of ways to best prepare them. It was a bit of a hassle to try to hunt down all the tools it wanted, though, so they eventually got the bright idea to become their kitchen. Ever since that bright idea, it can be seen traveling around with its favorite outfit: a sandbrick pizza oven for a dress and a well-seasoned wok for a hat. The convenience of carrying these tools with it also meant that it could start cooking for the friends it made along the way, eager to share their newly discovered delicacies with the world.

Those who were brave enough to try her often-poisonous concoctions would soon discover something miraculous— anything she made using her body and tools would somehow become edible, regardless of the ingredients that were in it. Time after time she readily tested this, serving up pizzas and stir fries made with all sorts of dangerous wildlife or mysterious things of dubious origin. While the final product doesn’t always taste good, it was scientifically confirmed to not be toxic at all when consumed, even if the taster in question was typically allergic to some part of the meal. Not only could she consume everything in the world, but so could everyone else, too!

Once word spread about its phenomenal ability, Itsaria more or less became its own traveling kitchen. Almost every day it gets approached by any number of people who want to test this miracle for themselves, or who simply have a craving for something they couldn’t otherwise eat. Always, Itsaria is more than happy to oblige, asking in return only that they get to keep some of the spare ingredients for later.


See also


  1. As described in Hendricks Richardson’s seminal work, ‘Non-monetary economics in the shadow of the Hellmouth’.
  2. Credit scores such as -50, i, and 42069 have been attributed to JEFF!
  3. For more detail, see Volume 1 of Bone Law: What Is It Good For by Son Jensen and Nicholas Vincent✝.