Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
The Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board is a large billboard first encountered by visitors approximately 25 miles out from the outskirts of Moab Hellmouth, and every five miles thereafter. Visitors have reported seeing it on the side of all known roads leading into Moab Hellmouth, with the exception of Highway XXXX. The Board, in collaboration with the Hellmouth Chamber of Commerce, employs a range of media (including radio, print and subliminal implantation) to make it quite clear that the Hellmouth is not safe, and you are not welcome.
The billboard itself demonstrates some sentience, and likes to change up its messaging (with recommendations from its Boardmembers) to make sure nobody makes the mistake of visiting the Hellmouth, ever.
Much to the Board's consternation, the town of Moab Hellmouth remains an immensely alluring place for outdoor tourism, thanks to its proximity to Arches National Plark and Clanyonlands National Plark, two of the most popular destinations in Utah. The region also features several other state parks and recreation areas, as well as a huge number of unique geological features. Unfortunately, hikers and outdoor adventurers are notoriously difficult to discourage. The Board is engaged in several legal disputes with the state of Utah and the National Park Service over their efforts to increase tourism, particularly the state park designation recently granted to the Potash Ponds Mesa.
The Anti-Tourism Board first made itself known between Seasons β1 and β2, initially to stadium employees trying to commute into what was formerly Moab but had since been consumed by the Hellmouth following the opening of the Forbidden Book.
Since its inception, a gaggle of assorted marketing executives, influencers, and billboard aficionados have created a thriving community at the feet of the Board. Some of these individuals are employed by the Board to facilitate its Anti-Tourism campaigns, and are referred to as the Anti-Tourism Board’s Fleshbound Delegation.
Notable Campaigns and Slogans
- XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board screamed insults at oncoming traffic.
- XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board was emblazoned with a symbol which induced nausea in all who beheld it.
- XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board explained the concept of blockchain, to considerable visitor-halting effect.
- XX-XX-XXXX - XX-XX-XXXX - The Board advertised free maps of Hellmouth in a small stand at its foot. The maps were all incorrect and different from each other. One confused visitor purportedly followed the directions, and managed to drive “the 700 miles to LA” on a “quarter-tank of gas in twenty minutes flat. I was trying to get home to Monticello :(”
- Hellmouth: Please, don’t
- Hellmouth: If you hear the sirens it’s already too late
- Hellmouth: Your existence here is a mortal danger.
- Hellmouth: This one’s on you, bud
- Hellmouth: Take the plane to Mexico City!
- Hellmouth: ya like jazz?
- Hellmouth: This is not a joke please leave.
- Hellmouth: Do you really think we'd waste this much money on signs telling you to leave if we wanted you to come here?
- Hellmouth: Really? Here?
- Hellmouth: Even Hades is Better
- Hellmouth: You Can Still Turn Around
- Hellmouth: Technically, A Place You Could Go To
- Hellmouth: You left the stove on
- Hellmouth: Home of the World's Wettest Ice Cream
- Hellmouth: Go Away!
- Hellmouth: What possessed you to come here!?
- Hellmouth: The danger is in a particular location… it increases toward a center… the center of danger is here… of a particular size and shape, below us.
- Hellmouth: See the sights at Yellowstone!
- Hellmouth: well, we warned you
- Hellmouth: there are infinite points in space, and yet you chose this one
- Hellmouth: okay, but you’re not going to like it
- Hellmouth: Home Of The World’s Least Stable Internet Connection
- Hellmouth: San Francisco's Nicer
- Hellmouth: Making Death Valley Seem Pleasant Since XXXX
- Hellmouth: Breckenridge is even closer
- Hellmouth: You don’t want to be here. We don’t want to be here.
- Hellmouth: NO SOLICITORS
- Hellmouth: Even the scorpions hate it here. The deadly, poisonous scorpions.
- Hellmouth: There are so many other places to hike
- Hellmouth: No, the other type of hot
- Hellmouth: Dental students: please stop.
- Hellmouth: Skin cancer express
Current Delegates of the Board
- Joe Bible (Chairperson)
- Stanley Moab
- Chavo Guerrero (yes, the real Chavo Guerrero)
- Brucety Sprinkler
- Hadley Vinegear
- Peanut Bong (of the LA Unlimited Tacos)
- Grimace Hottstreak
- Science Harper
- The Man Who Owns None Of The Teeth
- 138 Petulant Gaze
- Wyatt Mason
- Weggs Farlo
- Rock Hopper O’Brian (sibling of Gunther O’Brian of the Mexico City Wild Wings)
- Jamie Oliver
- The Board appears to move freely through space and/or time, remaining five miles ahead of any Hellmouth-bound traffic. Visitors have reported the billboard messages become increasingly resigned to their presence as they approach Moab Hellmouth, with the last one simply reading “Hellmouth: Welcome home.”
- A notable variation on the “Welcome Home” billboard for recidivist billboard non-heeders is Hellmouth: Population XXXX”. It ticks up by one as the vehicle enters city limits.
- The Board has, in occasional outbursts of frustration at visitors not heeding its advice, claimed in an 8 point font scarcely visible to its Delegates standing beneath, “I should’ve been a dentist.”
|Buried||Boudicca Midcentury · Doc Anice|
|Beta||β1 · β2 · β3 · β4 · β5 · β6 · β7 · β8 · β9 · β10 · β11 · β12 · β13 · β14 · β15 · β16 · β17 · β18 · β19 · β20 · β21 · β22 · β23 · β24|
|Circuit||Gamma 2 · Gamma 3 · Gamma 4|
|Ballpark||Lower Moab Scenic Overlook Field|
|Staff||Sol · Monsieur Bean · JEFF! · Dead Tom · The Man Who Owns All the Teeth · Priya Fox · Determination Montgomery|
|Places||Hellmouth · Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board · Shadow Moabbey · Randall Marijuana Memorial Cat Café · Arches National Plark|
|History||Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams' History · The Solympic Flame · Adaptation · HELIOLATRY · Cuisine of Hellmouth|
|Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏|
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