Son Jensen

From Blaseball Wiki

Son Jensen is a lineup player for the Hellmouth Sunbeams, and has been with the team since the Season 22 elections. Jensen has played for the LA Unlimited Tacos.

Official League Records

Jensen joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Los Angeles Tacos with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season 19 elections, Jensen's batting was increased from 2.6 -> 3.9 as a result of the Tacos' Shadow Infuse will.

On Season 22, Day 24, Jensen joined the Tacos' lineup in exchange for Pannonica Oko at Al Pastor Memorial Park via the Ratified Voicemail.

Jensen was traded to the Hellmouth Sunbeams in exchange for Hendricks Richardson during the Season 22 elections via the Tacos' Equivalent Exchange will.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Son Jensen is a expert on time and space law who first joined the LA Unlimited Tacos’ Shadows upon Blaseball's return. He is is a big fan of the splort itself, and a competitive but responsible person. There are many different versions of her known to the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, though there are commonalities between many of his versions.

History, Part Two

During the Grand Unslam and the subsequent infinitization of Los Angeli, Son Jensen looked into the Infinite somewhere deep in the city and saw time, saw the branching of timelines and the layering of dimensions and just how she fit into all that entirely in entirely too much painful detail. This resulted in him becoming displaced from time and having an acute awareness of the strangeness of her conceptualization of self. He is slightly unsure if she is still in his original reality or not.

When looking at Jensen, observers may not-quite-notice a sort of blending together of dimensions, briefly observing different versions of her without being consciously aware of it. Jensen seems entirely oblivious to this phenomenon.

Personality

By those that don’t know him, Son Jensen is often described as draconic. She is terrifying in the courtroom, with a calm and put-together attitude concealing a grasp on any slip-up tighter than a bear trap, and is relentless when training himself to do better. She is patient, precise, and careful, bringing common sense to every team he is on. She is a problem solver, putting him in direct contrast with former teammate Pannonica Oko. When first joining the Sunbeams, she was somewhat standoffish and quiet.

Those that know Jensen outside of particularly professional settings, though, know that he is much kinder than she might appear. When not in his element in court or on the field, she is not particularly confident in himself. A bright-eyed idealist, she first signed up for the Tacos’ shadows unaware of the depths of its dangers, but learned fast after becoming temporally displaced. Although definitely competitive, he remains friendly and is a good sport. She is surprisingly excitable, but is still responsible, and that maturity lets him get along well with her older teammates. He is perpetually tired, in part because of constantly studying, and as a result is very chill.

Ever since being unshadowed, Jensen has been barraged with puns playing on “Son” and “Sun”, an inundation that only worsened with her trade to the Hellmouth Sunbeams. He is not a fan of puns. her sense of humor is not nonexistent, but it is a dry and subtle sense of humor, and he does not care who “gets it”. Jensen’s dislike for puns is partially caused by being very literal-minded, wanting people to say what they mean and preferring when words mean just one thing. She catches vague wording when it comes up in court just fine, but it irritates him.

Activities and Habits

Jensen’s area of expertise is blaseball, which is how she has the common sense to know when a ball is out of the strike zone and not swing at it. When not drawing walks, Jensen plays blaseball “explosively”, full-out sprinting to first or second base without even trying to keep his composure. While she skips many postgame parties due to being tired, he goes all-out in the ones she does attend. Blaseball, both in play and when just talking about it, is the one thing that best cracks Jensen’s quietly intimidating shell, and he frequents the Library, due both to that interest and due to her interest in reading. Before every game, as part of his pregame ritual due to the Tacos’ lime blood, Jensen eats a whole raw lime, skin and all. She always wears ties.

Jensen joined the Tacos with healthy habits, but has picked up worse ones, such as a terrible sleep schedule, from both teams he has been on since. One bad habit she already had, though, is bad posture and a perpetual slouch. Additionally, rather than sitting down normally when needed, he perches, and prefers to be on the floor.

History, Part Four

Son Jensen’s adaptation, once she realized he would be staying in Hellmouth, was gradual but inevitable. Her adaptation appears to be silver vines whose leaves function as solar panels, allowing him to photosynthesize. The vines mostly seem to originate at her heart, which is made more visible by the fact that the adaptation also exposes his ribs. Any impacts on her internal organs from this are unknown.

The vines are a physical representation of branching timelines, and may be rooting Jensen to keep his various versions relatively in-sync. The adaptation has opened up more ways for Jensen to see the nature of things, which Felix Garbage describes as “a Pandora’s Box of Son Jensen”.

It has been speculated that her adaptation might just be the exposed ribs revealing the vines that were there all along, or at least since Jensen became temporally displaced, thereby giving the vines room to grow and photosynthesize rather than being trapped unseen around his heart. Alternately, the vines may have always non-physically been there, and the adaptation may have just made them physical.

Relationships

On the Tacos

During xer brief time on the team, Nicholas Vincent had made reference to having a significant other in the shadows. As was soon discovered, that significant other was Jensen. This discovery resulted in lots of jokes from the rest of the team about Vincent, an astronomer fascinated by Sun 2 and the inventor of the Tacos’ Sun Dial, dating someone whose name sounds like “sun”. The two of them faced the uncertainty of the unknowable together when Los Angeli became infinite, with both of them possibly having Looked Too Close into its depths, and Vincent’s precognitions synergizing well with Jensen’s time displacement. Vincent, having attended Hellmouth Community College upon xer arrival to North America and once again when designing the Sun Dial, was the one to tell Jensen about the Hellmouth, which was a major factor in her transfer there. Jensen has not commented publicly on his feelings on Vincent’s incineration.

Jensen also got along well with fellow Tacos shadows Yummy Elliott and Fitzgerald Wanderlust, with the former already being close friends with Vincent (and allegedly having zir own as-yet unknown, definitely real[citation needed] significant other in the shadows) and the latter having a similarly flexible dynamic with time.

Once unshadowed, Jensen bonded quickly with Felix Garbage over similar levels of academic exhaustion and passion towards their respective interests. Garbage helps her direct his anxieties into making cool projects, and understands and appreciates her sense of humour.

Pannonica Oko tricked Jensen into active play by implying there was a legal emergency on the field and then sneaking off into the voicemail machine when he got there. she does not hold any resentment about that, to Oko’s chagrin. Due to some logistical difficulties that may have been Al Pastor trying to spite Oko, they were also assigned as roommates for Jensen’s first few weeks.

Jensen, being as he is a robot, has a lot of thoughts about Pitching Machine. (Refresh to see Jensen’s dynamic with another of the Tacos.)

On the Beams

When Jensen first joined the Sunbeams, most of them got the impression that she was stuffy. Mostly unwittingly, Zack Sanders became the first person to really get to know him. Sanders was excited to teach Jensen how to look after her similarly plant-themed adaptation, and the two are often seen basking together, along with Borg Ruiz’s gecko. They have many in-jokes, including coming up with detailed but nonsensical “tasting notes” for the suns.

Jayden Wright is a fellow lawyer, and they talk law and work out together. However, Jensen and Wright have very different ideas of what lawyering looks like, due to their vastly different fields, and so did not connect professionally as much or as quickly as they expected to. Additionally, Wright is somewhat intimidated by Jensen’s general attitude.

Due to his experience with time and space law, and possibly also some inherent abilities, Jensen is resistant to infohazards. This has allowed her to befriend The King Between The Frames. They stargaze together, and while the King helps Jensen make sense of reality, Jensen helps the King find an external, non-little-yarn-guy moral grounding.

Jensen can also say Guy Gulp’s name properly, to Gulp’s surprise, although despite his best efforts it keeps getting drowned out by passing trains. Gulp appreciates the gesture but feigns obliviousness to it. Gulp is, however, a big fan of Jensen, having collected her often-unusual TLOPPS cards, and likes to quietly listen to the blaseball conversations he has with fellow splort fan Alieu Best.

Vincent had previously told Jensen about Sandoval Crossing, so Jensen sought her out upon arrival. Crossing also has experience with temporal displacement and retrocausal memory effects, making her a great mentor for Jensen, and had heard stories about Jensen from Vincent.

Howell Franklin is right before Jensen in the lineup, and Jensen respects him a lot. They do workouts together and are part of the jock squad. (Refresh to see Jensen’s dynamic with another of the Sunbeams.)

History, Part Three

Son Jensen came to Hellmouth with the idea that it would be a temporary work exchange. Hendricks Richardson was interested in doing a few research terms in Los Angeli, and Jensen offered to visit Hellmouth in his place. Jensen intended to study the basics of bone law, due to it confusingly getting entangled in the legal field. On her own time, he planned to research the Hellmouth’s retrocausal memory stuff, their legal system, and the sun there (bringing legal paperwork that would later pertain to Sun 1’s alternation). She had some mixed feelings and regrets that Nicholas Vincent was not able to show him around, and she intended for it to be a temporary stay, staying an outside observer.

Jensen accidentally unleashed scuttles upon the Hellmouth environment, to the delight of Eugenia Bickle.

In the two year siesta before Jensen’s first game for the Sunbeams, Jensen remained mostly professional with the team and did not adapt much, if at all. When Season 23 started, Jensen realized with dismay that Wills were gone, leaving him no way back to LA. Furthermore, within relatively few games, Richardson was shadowed by the Tacos’ voicemail, giving Jensen the abrupt realization that she was stuck in Hellmouth for the foreseeable future. Meanwhile, the Sunbeams got to watch Jensen on the field for the first time, and were surprised by how alive and active he looked when playing blaseball.

History, Part Five

Just two seasons after joining the Sunbeams, Son Jensen joined them on the Desert Bus for Wrath to kill a god together. This, and all the other events of Season 24, resulted in her bonding with the team quickly, especially relative to having been in an outsider perspective until relatively shortly before that point. However, it also made him feel slightly left out due to many of the specific depths of dynamic being before she got to the team and being things he did not fully understand.

The Many Faces of Son Jensen

According to the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, some things never change, even across dimensions. Someone, somewhere, decided to catalog all the different versions of Son Jensen in a Rumor Registry, but today the version from IF-83.599 is playing. Here’s what the rumors say...

Appearance

Son Jensen is a promotional animatronic. Reports of her appearance vary: today, he is a small, mostly dragon-shaped animatronic bearing a resemblance to some Dilsney character or another. She wears ties, and often dresses formally.

Adapting to the Hellmouth has exposed his robotic ribs, which is very strange because he shouldn’t necessarily have ribs, and because having all that exposed should be an easily fixable problem but persists anyway. The vines from her adaptation are tangled up in loose red and blue wires.

History, Part One

Son Jensen was made by Al Pastor as part of a promotion with Dilsney, but was left incomplete when the promotion fell through, and even more incomplete when Al Pastor became more distant from the team and then faked[citation needed] his death. As a result, Jensen did not join play for many seasons, and was only completed due to all the Tacos adding their contributions to building him up.

The initial design for Jensen had relatively limited mobility. While she still has some mobility limitations, exposure to the Grand Unslam and witnessing the infinite gave him more functionalities than planned.

Jensen is a toy and mascot, and as a result loves games and has an affinity for kids, but she also has interests beyond that. He is an explorer, roaming the Los Angeli and collecting some artifacts, and applies the information she gains from these expeditions to practicing time and space law, which he is studying on the side. Al Pastor marked her down as the team’s lawyer at some point, despite the fact that he is very much an intern and has yet to pass the bar.

This concludes the IRM.

Trivia

  • Jensen is genderfluid. To what extent she prefers he/him versus she/her pronouns varies from day to day, but he always uses both sets.
  • Jensen gets her caffeine fix by drinking tea with just any two tea bags in it.
  • Jensen collects pogs.
  • Jensen's writing style is either nonsense webspeak or extremely eloquent prose, with no in-between.
  • Jensen knows a lot about fermentation practices.
  • Jensen does not do his pregame ritual (eating a whole lime, peel and all) with any fruit other than limes.

History, Part Six

Son Jensen’s adaptation vines are continuously growing, regularly expanding and branching both as a reflection of the natural nature of timelines and of some idiosyncrasy of Hellmouth’s adaptive process. Jensen has expressed a hesitation to trim them, due to being uncertain whether this would have consequences to the timestream, and the vines are currently still relatively small and relatively few in number.

But they just


keep


growing.

Fan Works