Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams/History

From Blaseball Wiki
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Bright Beginnings

See the main article on this topic: Moab Sunbeams Season 1

The Sunbeams after having the absolute Philling beat out of them.

The Moab Sunbeams' first season was calm, peaceful, and not particularly successful. Notable lows include a nine-game losing streak in the first ten games, and being shutout by the Philly Pies with a 0-21 score on Day 74, which was not only the most impressive shutout of the Season, but also the most runs scored by one team during a game. The Sunbeams, and their pitcher for the game "No Stars" Lars Taylor were all very proud to help the Pies with that achievement. When asked, the team agreed that notable highs included getting Randall "Randy" Marijuana to play every game and the pizza party that they had at the end of Day 99 to celebrate. With no Postseason appearance and no blessings won, the end of the season would have been entirely uneventful for the Sunbeams, except for the small detail of the Hellmouth that swallowed Moab with the Opening of the Forbidden Book.

Everything Goes to Hell

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 2

Following the Opening of the Forbidden Book and the Hellmouth swallowing Moab, the town of Hellmouth was left reeling. While no one in town[1] could remember a time before the Hellmouth was there, they were nonetheless left to pick up the pieces of the disaster and cope with the sudden and unexpected population drop.

Digital drawing of the moment Miguel James attempted to save Zack Sanders's life during the opening of the Hellmouth, but instead accidentally caught her on fire when he spontaneously burst into flames, killing her. It depicts the two of them engulfed in flames on either sides of the sun, cut in half by a jagged black shadow.
Two pals chilling after the Season β1 Elections
by Ash

The players of the Hellmouth Sunbeams,[2] along with the rest of town, adapted to the changes and learned to live in the treacherous environment. Their star pitcher of the season, Zack Sanders, managed to pull off a 13-7 win-loss record despite dying and being reborn under The Sun at the beginning of the season. In an impromptu ceremony, batters Malik Romayne and Igneus Delacruz were married on the field during Day 47’s game, to the great joy of the rest of the team, and the incredible confusion of their opponents who had to quickly procure various wedding gifts. However, the biggest accomplishment of the season was when Emmett Internet finally managed to teach Lars Taylor how to sleep, despite the fact that Internet himself does not sleep.

Much like Season β1, the Sunbeams did not perform very well. In fact, they performed badly even better than they had before, managing to take the title of second-worst record in the league, securing themselves the team-wide Fourth Strike modification in the following season. This would surely give the team the boost they needed to maybe become mediocre despite winning no blessings in the election once again. It’s likely that the players were far more concerned with the daily Solar Eclipses incinerating players across the league than their own lackluster performance, though fortunately they managed to make it out of the season in one piece.

New Neighbors

Friends :‧)
by @Ivi_Pessoa

When the citizens of Hellmouth investigated the opening of the Hellmouth, they discovered the Hades Tigers on the opposite side of the opening. This, along with the discovery that US Highway 191 now led down to Hades made it easier for the Sunbeams to spend the season bonding with the Tigers over their mutual Hell-themed landscapes and sensibilities. Their relationship quickly evolved into the greatest anti-rivalry that the league has ever seen. Every series the teams play together, known as Hell Series, function fundamentally differently from a normal blaseball series. While in a standard, non Hell Series, the team who scores a run gets the run, every run scored by the Tigers and Sunbeams get added together to one Tigerbeams run count. Tigerbeams remain undefeated.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 3

Season β3 marked the abrupt end of the Sunbeams' peaceful days, with the tragic incineration of Rhys Trombone on Day 2, the earliest incineration in the season. Along with being the best batter on the team, he was also the well-loved husband of hitter Velasquez Meadows and pitcher Sandoval Crossing. Unfortunately, the Umpires struck again on Day 23 with the first recorded double incineration game, stunning fans and players alike when Meadows was incinerated only a few short innings after Breckenridge Jazz Hands' pitcher Ogden Mendoza. The loss of two beloved hitters left the lineup in disarray, and Crossing twice-widowed within the span of only a few short weeks. Shortly after the incinerations, the Charleston Shoe Thieves played the Sunbeams for the first time, allowing Esme Ramsey, the daughter of Trombone, Meadows, and Crossing, to attend her fathers' funerals.

A drawing of Emmett Internet and Ren Morin. Emmett is a robot with a yellow monitor for a face, clunky metal hands, and a wall plug as a tail. He is wearing a blue sweatshirt and sneakers and is smiling. Ren is a humanoid tiger with glowing yellow eyes. Ren is wearing a Hellmouth Sunbeams shirt. Emmett has an arm around Ren's arm while Ren has a paw on his face, looking off to the side and smiling nervously. There is a little orange heart coming from Ren while Emmett is glowing. The background is red.
“I think it's gonna last guys!!”
by @_iznj

Dudley Mueller and Alexander "Alex" Horne replaced the incinerated Trombone and Meadows respectively. Mueller, formed as a spilled Mlonster Energy mixed with the ashes of Trombone (therefore making it Italian by birth), was taken under the wing of Eugenia Bickle. Bickle, being the only Sunbeam not too shaken by grief, was quick to realize that a newly formed entity should be taught important life skills such as algebra and recognizing 100 species of bird by sight. Horne, on the other hand, climbed out from the Hellmouth and joined the team, seeing the group in need. They made an early impact on the team, with their first scoring play being a Grand Slam against the Philly Pies on Day 25.

With the loss of star hitter Trombone and the calming presence of Meadows, even a yummy reaction for batter Nerd Pacheco combined with the team-wide Fourth Strike modification was still not enough to help the team pull themselves together. Despite finishing with one more win than the season prior, the Sunbeams found themselves with the second worst overall record in the league once again. However, a bright spot was found in the postseason regardless of the Sunbeams' non-participation, as anti-rivals the Hades Tigers took home their first Internet Series title. At the Tigers' Championship Party, the unbreakable Tigerbeams bond led to a blossoming romance, with Tigers batter Ren Morin reportedly being seen canoodling with the Sunbeams' own Emmett Internet.

Season of the Weed

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 4

After a traumatic Season β3, the Sunbeams were happy that weather seemed allergic to targeting their games and settled back into their comfort zone: playing badly. The Sunbeams ended the season an exciting third-last in the League rather than second-last, and spent the postseason cheering on the Hades Tigers to their second championship title.

On Day 20, the stars seemed to align for weed connoisseur Randy Marijuana, as he hit a home run in the tenth inning with friend Alaynabella Hollywood on base, with the 'Hollyweed' duo scoring two runs and winning the 4/20 game, as it always should've been. This was looking to be the highlight of the season for the team, but somehow the Election proved to be even more monumental.

The Election of All Time

First, the Alternate Reality decree took effect, swapping hitter Igneus Delacruz and pitcher Eugenia Bickle with Alternates from a different reality, leaving the team reeling. Bickle reportedly began to settle in quickly despite the shock, claiming the environment was more exciting and that the deadliness in Blaseball that was not present in their former reality added some 'spice' to the game. On the other hand, the swap was devastating for Malik Romayne, who discovered that the new Delacruz, who preferred to be called 'Iggy', was entirely different to the former Igneus, straining their marriage despite the two attempting to make it work.

A digital drawing of Emmett Internet, Randy Weed, and Nagomi Nava. Emmett is a robot with a CRT monitor for a head, Randy is a tiefling with green hair, and Nagomi is a woman with long black hair and a multi-eyed entity covering the left side of her face. The trio is wearing matching Sunbeams jackets while leaning on each other and chatting.
The trio have since been seen spending more time together.
by @rubiqunda

Additionally, the Sunbeams finally won their very first blessing! With just 10% of the vote, they were blessed with Precognition, improving the batting skills of Nagomi Nava, Emmett Internet, and Randy Marijuana. Notably, this made Internet and Marijuana indisputably the best hitters on the team, and lifted Nava up from her previous position of the worst hitter on the team. The trio did not report any other effects from their blessing, except for a new talent of being entirely unbeatable in rock, paper, scissors.

404 Not Found

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 5

Season β5 for the Sunbeams was, in a single word, terrible. With their worst record yet, only saved from the bottom of the League by the Unlimited Tacos continuing to be even worse, there wasn’t much for the team to get excited about.[3]

A bright spot was found when the team had their first series with the New York Millennials, allowing native New Yorker Randy Marijuana to take the rest of the Sunbeams back home to beat his brother, Dominic Marijuana, and the Millennials with an impressive 17-2 final score on Day 70. The rest of the series did not go nearly as well, but Randy's adopted family in the Sunbeams enjoyed the opportunity to get to know Dominic[4] and his team better.

A digital drawing of Emmett Internet being incinerated while Alaynabella Hollywood shields her face from the heat of the Umpire's flames.
He Dieded.
by Olive

However, on Day 91, in a game against the Tigers, things took a turn for the worse. Beams and Tigers alike looked on in shock and horror as Emmett Internet was incinerated in the fifth inning, the second of only two incinerations in the league that season. Internet's death was particularly hard on his childhood best friend Randy Marijuana and boyfriend Ren Morin, who were both witnesses to the tragedy.

Condolences for the loss of the fan-favorite sprung up immediately, along with questions about whether Internet, or the other two recipients of last season's Precognition blessing, had seen it coming. Since Marijuana and Nava refused to comment, the theories were never formally struck down. Internet’s replacement Sutton Bishop did not make things any easier, as the goose proceeded to run wild through Hades for the remainder of that series and the next, the Sunbeams struggling to contain it. To add insult to injury, the team was dropped into the new "worst of the worst" Wild Low division following the passing of the High Filter decree during the Election.

Changing Places

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 6

The Sunbeams instantly found solidarity within the other teams of the newly-formed Wild Low division[5] uniting against the proposed Blood Bath that would take place at the end of the season. Rather than fight amongst each other to reach the top of the division, the Sunbeams empathized with their new divisionmates on their collective inability to play Blaseball well. The teams formed a strong alliance and promised to lift each other up whenever they could.

The start of the season was accompanied with high spirits as Miguel James pitched a shutout against the Chicago Firefighters on Day 35. James credited this shutout not to her intense focus on the game, but her natural ability to, quote, "be the best pitcher in the league"[citation needed] as she spent the entire game working on a nice chef's hat for Malik Romayne. Romayne was seen frequently wearing the hat while working at Romayne’s Romaine throughout the rest of the season.

However, things really picked up[6] when Randall Marijuana was exchanged for Hendricks Richardson of the Breckenridge Jazz Hands during Feedback weather on Day 44. Feedback would strike again less than 2 weeks later, with Alex Horne being exchanged for the San Francisco LoversSigmund Castillo. This left the team pondering if they needed to change their whole aesthetic now that they had a castle and a dragon.[7]

40 Days in Breckenridge

Oops! Feedback!
by @_pysics

On Day 84, only 40 days after his feedback, Marijuana was incinerated. This loss was felt throughout the entire league but especially within his former team. After the incineration of Emmett Internet in the previous season, fans began to voice concerns for the safety of the remaining beneficiary of the Precognition blessing, Nagomi Nava. Many developed conspiracy theories around the possibility of a "Precog Curse".

Despite the personal turmoil the Sunbeams went through, the season ended up being their most successful yet. The Sunbeams finished 14th overall in the League and 2nd in Wild Low, behind only the Boston Flowers. The Election was surprisingly eventful for the team, with Wild Low working together to win the Sharing Signs and Move the Mounds Closer blessings. The Sunbeams also won the Vulture blessing, bringing "Dale Sweetheart" Hahn Fox to the team, her second trade in a single season. This necessitated someone to take her vacant spot on the Flowers. Alaynabella Hollywood, still mourning the loss of one of her best friends, volunteered to be the other half of this trade, hoping for a fresh start in Boston.

Girlbossing It Up

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 7

After unexpectedly trading places at the end of the season prior, Alaynabella Hollywood and Hahn Fox had to settle into their new homes in Boston and Hellmouth respectively. Hollywood was helped in her adjustment by Margarito Nava, Nagomi Nava's "cousin",[8] and found a love for floristry when she helped to run the incinerated Hurley Pacheco's flower shop. Her hellhound form adjusted too, growing sprays of flowers among its fur.

Fox and Hollywood, two of the "Wild Low Women" trio with third member, Beck Whitney
by @MariDraws

Meanwhile, Fox was discovering that her close relationship with Miami’s Party Rock protected her against the worst of the effects of the Hellmouth, a first sign of the complex relationships between the various Blaseball team entities. Splitting time between her new Hellmouth home and her wife Priya Fox's house in Miami, "Wild Low's Darling" quickly got to work explaining to the Sunbeams that certain parts of Blaseball, such as attending practice and having a Captain, were important. The Sunbeams insist that this had no effect on their performance in the season.

The Sunbeams Are Good(?)

For the first time the Sunbeams ended a season with a positive win-loss record! Not only that, but they finished in the top half of the league, in ninth place! They very nearly made it into the post-season! The team’s success made it very easy to ignore the necromancy and bloodbath[9] that plagued the Mild League all season.[10]

Although one player was not there to see xir team’s success. After the disintegration of xir relationship with Iggy Delacruz, Malik Romayne chose to transfer to the Houston Spies, Feedbacking with Joe Voorhees on Day 60. While Romayne left the team on a melancholy but mostly amicable note, Voorhees left the fans unnerved by his demeanor and similarly unhappy with his complete lack of skills. Fortunately for the performance of the team, the Sunbeams were blessed with Downsizing in the Elections, sending Voorhees to the recently discovered Shadows with no replacement and cutting the Sunbeams’ lineup to eight players.

Gif of Joe Voorhees flashing a peace sign and fading away in front of the \"Welcome to Utah\" sign.
Joe Voorhees retreats to the Shadows...
by Ash

The discovery of the Sunbeams' shadows drew particular interest from the recently formed Blaseball department of the Hellmouth Community College. Unfortunately, they were unable to gain any grant money for their studies, as they were blocked by the HCC's Blaseball playing professors, Hendricks Richardson and Nerd Pacheco. Newly arrived from Breckenridge, Richardson had established himself as the economics professor at HCC, pioneering the study of Hellmouth's unique money-free economy along with his teaching assistant Throckmorton Smooth. Pacheco, long time faculty member, enjoyed having someone to eat their packed lunch with.

The New Sunbeams

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 8

Coming out of the previous season’s Election, the Sunbeams entered Season β8 boosted and ready to perform. Thanks to encouragement from new batting captain Hahn Fox and previous Internet Series attendee Hendricks Richardson, every player worked hard, even showing up to practice on a somewhat regular basis and paying attention in drills. This approach began to pay off! On Day 28, Lars Taylor with one whole pitching star joined an elite group during a game against the eventual season champions, the Baltimore Crabs. The Crabs began the matchup with a score of -2 due to Targeted Shame and Taylor gave up two runs, resulting in a two-run shutout.

A yummy peanut for Dudley Mueller on Day 71 only helped the team in their quest, and they were rewarded with another season at the top of Wild Low. With an even better record than Season β7, the team had earned themselves their very first ticket to the postseason! Once there, the Sunbeams were promptly swept by the Houston Spies, but the achievement of getting there in the first place was sweet enough to dull the sting. Players celebrated with a round of smoothies, already looking towards the Election.

Even newer players were swept up in the thrill of winning. Famously indifferent to Blaseball, Richardson canceled a lecture for the postseason smoothie. Nerd Pacheco, a fellow lecturer at Hellmouth Community College, was notably surprised to actually socialize with their new coworker. Meanwhile, Eugenia Bickle had reported that they, "Didn't even notice him."[11] This air of team camaraderie appears to have served them well as they went into a hotly contested election.

Walking on The Sun

Following this new air of team unity after so many seasons of change, the Sunbeams won a chance at a shared blood transfusion. The team’s new Base blood allowed them to succumb to their Base Instincts and discover a new strategy — simply ignoring the rules. Through this method the team has been seen walking past first base when drawing a walk, strolling all the way to second and even third. Though a delight to the laid-back Sunbeams, many competitors were quick to question, "Is that allowed?" There are no current reports as to whether or not anyone has ever followed up with that question.

No Good Nuts

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 9

The Sunbeams' high spirits from Season β8 remained for the majority of Season β9. However, on Day 75, much to their dismay, during a series against the Boston Flowers former teammate Alaynabella Hollywood suffered an allergic reaction. The Sunbeams themselves experienced their first allergic reaction soon thereafter on Day 81 with Iggy Delacruz.

Despite the upsets, the Sunbeams continued on to have a fairly successful season, dropping to third place in Wild Low, but still qualifying for the Postseason. In the League's first ever Wild Card Games the Sunbeams faced off against the Chicago Firefighters, who threatened to extinguish their beloved Sol. Filled with righteous fury, the Sunbeams proceeded to sweep the following two games, defeating the Firefighters and igniting a rivalry that would burn with passion for years to come.

Hendricks Richardson hit a ground out to Joshua Butt

During the first of these two games, Sunbeams batter Hendricks Richardson hit a ground out to Firefighter Joshua Butt, distorting time itself.

No Good Nuts (cont.)

Crabs player Nagomi Mcdaniel pecked free after 2 seasons.
Well sh*t.

Perhaps exhausted from the effort of defeating the Firefighters, the Sunbeams proceeded to get swept by the Baltimore Crabs in the Division Series, eliminating them from the Postseason. On the other hand, their chances could have been negatively affected by long-Shelled Nagomi Mcdaniel being pecked free on Day 103, with Mcdaniel immediately proceeding to dominate the game,[12] scoring the majority of the Crabs’ runs.

After being thoroughly beaten by a newly-liberated Mcdaniel and her team, the Sunbeams were glad to have the opportunity to watch the underdog Charleston Shoe Thieves, including Sandy Crossing's daughter, Esme Ramsey, steal the championship out from under the Crabs. However, the joy turned to horror when the whole league watched as the new Champions were forced to fight The Shelled One's Pods, ultimately losing and leaving the whole team cursed indefinitely.

In the Election, a Fifth Base was added to the team's home stadium, The Solarium. This delighted the Sunbeams, as it gave them more bases to walk to. Additionally, The Wild Low Alliance stayed firm, with the Flowers protecting the division from Shame and the Sunbeams stumbled into Mutually Arising with the division, giving everyone an overall boost. The team's emotions remained sunny even if a concerning Forecast showed trouble on the horizon.

Late to the Party

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 10

The season started with a bang as an Umpire finally tried to take out last surviving Precog, Nagomi Nava, on Day 1 only for her to surprise everyone and eat the flame and soon after hit the League’s first magmatic home run. Additionally, the team soon discovered that batter Dudley Mueller found a taste for blood, impressing everyone with how quickly it grew. Meanwhile, Sandoval Crossing became the apparent best friend of many birds that hovered around The Solarium.

Sunbeams Season 10 Enhanced Party Time recipients: Nagomi Nava, Zack Sanders, Eugenia Bickle, Sutton Bishop, Sandoval Crossing, Dudley Mueller, and Lars Taylor
Congratulations Hellmouth Sunbeams! You are now in #PARTYTIME!
by larkine

Despite all of this, the Sunbeams ended up having their worst season yet, entering Party Time on the same day as the Hawai'i Fridays. The two teams decided to host their party together, electing to hold the event on the Moon, both for the incredible views and the increased distance from any kind of earth-shattering events that the threatened second Day X might bring. Making up for three seasons of missed opportunity, the team wasted no time and spent the rest of the season partying.[13]

However, after the conclusion of Day 99 when the Wild Cards were drawn, the Sunbeams were dragged back to Earth as a Wild Card alongside the New York Millennials. The teams spent their time as fellow Wild Cards coming up with joint cheers such as LGMASBLDMASDMASADWCBLDWC[14] and before the series even ended, they had signed a lease together, becoming long-distance roommates. During the series itself, the Sunbeams accidentally swept the Unlimited Tacos out of their first postseason appearance before being swept yet again by Baltimore Crabs, sending the team right back to the Moon and their party.


In the final game of the postseason, a single from Crabs hitter Tot Fox brought Silvaire Roadhouse home and the Crabs' score to 10. Sol, the Sun, coach of the Sunbeams, patron to Sandoval Crossing, collapsed. The Moon, host to Party Time, was swallowed by the newly formed Black Hole. While everyone successfully evacuated from the Moon during, several Sunbeams with a close metaphysical connection to Sol experienced severe reactions.[15] Monsieur Beam, former personal assistant to the recently deceased, described it as "a stressful time for the whole team".

A digital illustration of Randy Marijuana & Emmett Internet. Randy is on the left is a, with a burn scar across his face. Water trails out of one eye. He has horns, and is holding a blaseball bat. To his right is a Emmett. Emmett has a massive monitor for a head, on which are displayed a finger pointing at the viewer, a thumbs down, and a frowny face with sunglasses. Below those on the screen are the words \"GET FUCKED\". He has wires for arms and is holding a bat and a ball. Both have large tentacles sprouting from their backs.
“Whaddya say we hit it with a combo attack, Em?”
by @sn0wglass

As if that was not enough drama for the team, Day X began immediately after the postseason ended. When the Hall Stars rose, former Sunbeams Randall Marijuana and Emmett Internet were called to join their ranks. Marijuana scored the teams’ first run of the game and proved instrumental, and Internet provided an excellent soundtrack and moral support for the rest of the team. Following their Release, Marijuana and Internet returned to Hellmouth hand-in-hand[16] to reunite with their friends and family.

I Can-nut Believe It!

Over the course of the season, the Sunbeams latched on to one of the blessings being offered: Nut Button. However, this blessing was also sought by their new rivals the Chicago Firefighters, resulting in many playful insults, parking lot fistfights and propaganda battles over it throughout the season. In the Election, the Sunbeams emerged victorious from the "Nut Button War", started Sharing Signs with the rest of their division, and were gifted Fourth Strike from the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Finally, the team won the Walk in the Park blessing and the Wild Low teams all took a Walk in the Park together!

Are Ya Winning, Sun 2?

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 11

Coming into Season β11, the Sunbeams were still recovering from the loss of Sol, but a weather forecast full of nothing but Sol’s replacement Sun 2 and the Black Hole that had marked its death seemed to light a fire in the team, as they began to dominate the season. Fourth Strike, Base Instincts, and Walk in the Park proved to be a formidable combination, and the Sunbeams began to Loop like there was no tomorrow.

The Postseason that Never Ends

A digital drawing of two hands. One of the hands has dark reddish-orange tiger stripes on it, and is reaching upwards towards a pomegranate with stitching on the outside to resemble a blaseball. The other hand has glowing gold veins of light along it and is holding the hand with stripes by the wrist, pulling it back away from the pomegranate, which has a yellow ring of light around it. The background is a red-black ombre.
stay a little longer, please, for me
by @_pysics

With their best record of the Era, the Sunbeams were top of the League for the first time. Enjoying their position as first seed in the postseason, the team continued to prove that they were not going easy on their competition when they finished off a first-to-three series against the Houston Spies in a mere two games with an impressive 4-win differential.

In the Championship Series, the Sunbeams had an emotional stand-off against their long-time anti-rivals, the Hades Tigers, who were dangerously close to winning their third championship and following the Baltimore Crabs to Ascension. In a grueling six-game series that included multiple Black Hole and Sun 2 activations, both teams were sitting at 3 wins each going into the final game, where "Lone Star" Lars Taylor held against the Tigers long enough for the Sunbeams to Loop in Sun 2 weather and win the game outright, saving the Tigers from Ascension.

After such a drawn out series, Fans were hoping the Internet Series against the Seattle Garages would go by faster. However, in the third game, Nagomi Nava triggered Black Hole at the top of the 9th, making the team loop and lose what should have been an easy win and their final game. Then Iggy Delacruz did it again in game four. By game five, the entire League was begging for it to end, but with another Black Hole game, it seemed likely that it would happen yet again. By the bottom of the 7th inning, the Sunbeams had 9 runs to the Garages 5. The Sunbeams continued to get on base each inning, threatening to loop. In the end, they stayed at nine runs and Lars Taylor, one of the worst pitchers in the League, held the Garages at 5 runs, winning the Sunbeams their first ILB Championship.

Congratulations [champion]!

The Sunbeams win Season β11
by larkine

The Sunbeams gleefully claimed the honor of winning the most drawn out and frustrating Championship to date after biding their time near the bottom of the league for so long. In an unusual Election that only allowed each team to receive a single blessing that would determine their Major Arcana, the Sunbeams did not win the Sun as was planned, but rather the Hanged Man. While never confirmed, rumors began to circulate that careless handling of paperwork on the part of a particular M. Beam may have been the cause of this.[17] Even this couldn’t slow the Sunbeams following their success, and they entered the Grand Siesta under the light of a new sun, and excited for the future.

Legal Proceedings

For more information, please see Bonecourse and New York Millennials v. Parker MacMillan III.

Peanut Packing

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 12

Save for their bi-annual practices,[18] the Sunbeams spent the decade-long siesta lounging, lazing, and loafing around, all while making sure every other team knew they were the longest reigning Internet League Champions. The team entered the new era with an air of general indifference, performing shockingly well even without the support of seasonal modifications, and despite other modifications having unexpected effects.

A meme of Sandoval Crossing, in despair at the fact that she has not eaten a peanut at this point in the season yet. In the background, Miguel James is standing next to a shelled Nerd Pacheco who has a sign taped to them that reads "Nerd: Do not eat."
Peanut Despair
by Ash

Despite the Sunbeams' excitement about Sandoval Crossing gaining the Superyummy Modification in the Season β10 elections, the mechanics of the modification weren't discovered until Season β12. During this season, Crossing began to overperform in Peanuts weather but underperform in all other games. This hobbled the previously dominant pitcher, forcing them to rely on the remnants of a dead god, an ironic fate as they recovered from the death of Sun 1. For most members of the team, however, the siesta had given them a chance to recover from the tumultuous end to the Discipline Era, and they were back to their usual antics.

During a game against the Miami Dale on Day 52, Iggy Delacruz baffled league officials by forcing teammate Nerd Pacheco to run around her while she stayed on third base in the 5th inning, resulting in Pacheco getting a run on Hahn Fox's sac bunt. Delacruz was quoted saying: "You have legs Pacheco, don't you? Go around me," in response to being yelled at by Pacheco to run home.

Lars Taylor testing out their new flippers
by @HokutoHero

Packing Peanuts

On Day 56, former POD Peanut Bong tasted the Infinite and  SHELLED Nerd Pacheco. The team struggled having their teammate, friend, and impulse control stuck in a shell, experiencing the natural reactions of denial, anger, and cutting the sleeves off all of their shirts.

While the team won no blessings in the Election, they learned quickly how impactful the new Wills would be for the team each season. First, Lars Taylor was entrusted with Flippers, used to help batters during the now frequent floods. These were sure to be absolutely useless to Taylor as a pitcher. The team's second will packed a much harder punch when they Plundered league renowned batter Aldon Cashmoney of the Hades Tigers, a move that randomly selected the Shelled Pacheco to take vis place in Hades. This left the team stunned and cemented the beginning of a downward spiral as a result of their absence.

The Season 13 Spiral

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 13

“Are you sure it doesn't bite?”
by @pitayapandi

Before the season even started, new teammate Aldon Cashmoney had unintentionally enabled every one of the teams' impulsive desires in the wake of Nerd Pacheco's trade to Hades, funding whatever they wished with no restrictions, and opening up a world of possibilities to a team that typically did not engage in currency at all. This largesse, however exciting, distracted the Sunbeams as they entered the first full season of the new Expansion Era.

Despite having star hitters Cashmoney and Dudley Mueller, the team performed horribly. Only managing to place higher than their new divisionmates, the truly abysmal Ohio Worms, the Sunbeams failed to qualify for postseason. With only four players partying, it seemed like the team really was simply trying to get the season over with.

So Nice, We Did It Twice

Only two days before the end of the season, a familiar tragedy struck while playing the Breckenridge Jazz Hands. In a twisted mirror of Season β3's double-incineration game, the Umpires targeted the Jazz Hands first, incinerating Combs Estes.[19] Then, Sunbeams batter Sutton Bishop was incinerated a mere four pitches from the game's end in the league's first recorded incineration during extra innings. Despite the goose's reputation as being destructive and difficult to handle, the team was devastated by its loss, resulting in a frosty reception to its replacement Kaj Statter Jr., who first burst into play on Day 99, causing significant damage to The Pocket before partying and stealing home.

The Election proved fortuitous, with Wild Low predictably sweeping all four "Bubble" blessings, but the season's three roster changes left the team in a state of bewilderment, grief, and confusion. The pitching staff soon found themselves having to integrate rookie Jayden Wright — the first change to the Sunbeams’ rotation since the Return of Blaseball. With the overall uptick in incinerations and leaguewide shuffling of players, the team was already feeling the chaos of a new era.

I Can Still Hear You in the Static....

See the main article on this topic: Hellmouth Sunbeams Season 14

The added presence of everyone's best friend Richmond Harrison proved to be an incredible morale-booster, and without access to Aldon Cashmoney's bank account the team could no longer indulge in every bad idea they came up with. Despite both having a rocky introduction to the team, new players Jayden Wright and Kaj Statter Jr. started to settle in as well, bonding over being the new kids in a well-established team dynamic.

League renowned "bad pitcher" Lars Taylor had an unusually good season, boasting the highest win percentage out of the team’s pitchers and attaining a career low ERA. When asked for clues about their sudden jump in skill, the team blamed a suspicious dose of coffee they had consumed earlier that season, which had yet to wear off by the end.

A digital drawing of Wyatt Mason VII
In the short time it had, the Sunbeams helped Wya77 experience as much as possible.
by Olive

During the Latesiesta, The Solarium finished its first ever Renovations: Solar Panels and PsychoAcoustics. The latter resulted in the roller-skating Wyatt Mason VII, fondly known as Wya77, being pulled through the Rift and landing at the end of the Sunbeams' lineup. Though unexpected, the Sunbeams embraced Wya77 with open arms and quickly became fond of the excitable speedster. Unfortunately, it was only nine days after Wya77’s arrival that it tragically echoed into Static with the Lift's Wyatt Mason, leaving the team mourning yet another sudden loss.

Meanwhile Eugenia Bickle didn’t spend long in the Shadows, joining the lineup in exchange for Sigmund Castillo during the Election. The first of the previously active Sunbeams to return from the Shadows, the rest of the team were eager to hear about her experiences. As well as tales of the large skull and smoothie tree in the mysterious Shadow Moabbey, Bickle described their harrowing time spent during Joe Voorhees and Blood Hamburger’s honeymoon:

I thought it was really sweet that they asked me to make up all of these bouquets for them. Until I saw Blood just chowing down on them like a goat or something. You’re not even supposed to be able to eat those flowers. They’re toxic.

With love in the air, and Nagomi Nava with the new Homebody Modification, the Sunbeams finished a rollercoaster of a season blessingless and were more than ready to take a rest going into the first offseason of the new era.


  1. Except for Sandoval Crossing.
  2. As they have always been named.
  3. The new Reverb weather failed to look their way, and would continue to do so forever.
  4. Zack Sanders has requested the record state that any rumors that may be circulating are "literally so made up. It's normal to look at people, Miguel you weirdo!"
  5. Promising that all of Wild Low would have each others’ back.
  6. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
  7. Note: Richardson was not a dragon prior to coming to the Hellmouth.
  8. Allegedly.
  9. No, not THAT one.
  10. Sidenote: Dominic Marijuana has passed away.
  11. Richardson is a very large dragon.
  12. Perhaps driven by her noted pregame ritual of "cursing the sun", though this is only speculation.
  13. And partying and partying some more.
  14. Let's go Mills and Sunbeams baby love da Mills and Sunbeams da Mills and Sunbeams are da wild cards baby love da wild cards.
  15. Including but not limited to psychic feedback, memory loss, and wilting.
  16. Unfortunately for Ren Morin.
  17. Reports that Bean was spotted burning piles of paper in the Hellmouth desert in the hours following the election are unverified.
  18. Every two years, not twice a year.
  19. Ending a week that had consisted of an allergic reaction, being reverbed to the lineup, and a blooddrain.