Elvis Figueroa is a player for the LA Unlimited Tacos, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Figueroa has played for the Philly Pies and Hellmouth Sunbeams.
Official League Records
Figueroa joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Philly Pies with the Return of Blaseball.
During the Season β2 elections, Figueroa's defense increased from 2.7 → 3.4 as a result of The Rack blessing.
During the Season β4 elections, Figueroa became a pitcher via The Best Offense blessing.
During the Season β5 election, Figueroa received a combined 11.4 → 10.7 stat decrease as a result of the Charleston Shoe Thieves' Bad Neighbors blessing.
During the Season β6 elections Figueroa received a combined 10.7 → 11.2 stat increase as a result of the Charleston Shoe Thieves' Mutually Arising blessing.
During the Coffee Cup, Figueroa played for Atlético Latte as a pitcher and the team's Captain.
On Season β13, Day 80, Figueroa siphoned some of Baltimore Crabs batter Squid Galvanic's defense ability in a game with Blooddrain weather, increasing their own ability 3.7 → 4.1 .
Figueroa was traded to the Hellmouth Sunbeams in exchange for Zack Sanders during the Season β15 elections via the Sunbeams' Equivalent Exchange will.
Figueroa was traded to the Philly Pies in exchange for Zack Sanders during the Season β16 elections via the Sunbeams' Equivalent Exchange will.
Figueroa was traded to the Hellmouth Sunbeams in exchange for Kaz Fiasco during the Season β19 elections via the Pies' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process.
On Season β20, Day 1, Figueroa swallowed a stray peanut and had a allergic reaction, resulting in a combined 18.1 → 14.1 stat decrease. On Day 75, Figueroa’s allergy was cured by The Pocket’s Peanut Mister. During the Season β20 elections, Figueroa became a pitcher via the Slowpoke blessing.
During the Season β22 elections, Figueroa gained the Negative modification as a result of the Rotation Flip blessing.
Over the course of Season β23, Figueroa entered and exited the Sunbeams' Shadows two times as a result of Lower Moab Scenic Overlook Field Fax Machine events, ending the Season on the pitching rotation.
During the November 18, 2022 Fall Ball, Figueroa fell to the LA Unlimited Tacos.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Elvis Figueroa is a pitcher and twice-former third base player for the Hellmouth Sunbeams.
Figueroa appears to be
seven eight nuno sa punso in a Blaseball outfit, eight nine on a good day. They smell of figs due to a silly accident that they’ve never spoken of. A bi-monthly bonus allows Figueroa to take one pie from the Tastykake windowsill. This commission is specially reserved for them, and them only. Figueroa receives an actual paycheck made of cash, and seems to use their paycheck to invest in big hair and dirt. Their child, Dunlap Figueroa, started as a pitcher for the Hades Tigers and is currently a player for the Tokyo Lift.
The Elvi (American names for gnomes of the Elvis breed) are a group of nuno sa punso from the Cordillera Mountains in the Philippines. When in Philly, they dwell in the Hypocaust, a labyrinthine series of halls beneath the Tastykake Stadium. There are many rumours about this area, and few who venture in ever do return. However, this darkened, cordoned off zone is home to the Elvi, where they live on the walls, similar to the behavior of fungi.
Rumour has it that there is a secret hidden town of other gnomes also present somewhere in the Hypocaust, though Figueroa refuses to confirm nor deny that fact. Fans have expressly stated seeing Figueroa duck into the Hypocaust after games. However, any evidence has yet to be presented. Any attempts at entering with permission has been denied, and those who attempt to enter unannounced find themselves cursed due to their rudeness.
When questioned about the Hypocaust, this is all Figueroa had to say on the matter:
“The Tastykake Stadium is home to all us Pies players, it’s where we work and live together. Yes, that includes the area of the Hypocaust. It’s a very important part of the stadium, and it’s an important part of us.” [“For you or all the Pies?”] “Yes.”
Amalgamation for Games
Figueroa is publicly known to be the amalgamation of several gnomes, though this fusion process has only been witnessed by his teammates and those he trusts. The first few times he did this in the Pies’ locker room, Beasley Day had to be on a leash or in a separate room because he kept trying to steal away an Elvi to play with.
While the number of Elvi that makes up Figueroa differs each game, there is always one designated gnome that serves as the “head” of their “operation”. Even though all the Elvi are perfectly identical, it is very noticeable whenever the head gnome changes. Team captain Eduardo Woodman has remarked that, “Things get weird when a different gnome takes the lead, but I can’t put my finger on why.” The Pies started using this as a way to confuse the other teams during games, but that effort was short-lived as it confused them more.
Figueroa is able to unfuse at will, one gnome at a time or altogether. This is a special feature that he reserves for his distinctive pitching moves during games.
Each of the Figueroa gnomes has a unique pitching style. Blaseball analysts attribute much of Figueroa's success on the mound to the resulting variety of pitches they can throw. For instance, their changeup involves throwing a gnome holding the ball, who redirects the ball on the way to the plate.
Figueroa's pitching improved near the end of Season 7 after one of the gnomes introduced a "submarine" style pitch that is delivered underhand (i.e. with the throwing gnome upside-down as they release the ball). It's rumored the gnomes developed this pitch while doing kegstands at an Enhanced Party Time rager thrown by teammate Ruslan Greatness.
Relationship with the Pies
Figueroa has been regarded as the “Dad of the Pies”, looking after his teammates and checking up on them routinely after games. He remembers each of their favourite pies, and bakes a batch for them at the end of each month. It is unclear whether or not this is because pies are the only thing he knows how to make.
Figueroa has what can only be described as an “incredibly strange” relationship with the Philadelphia Philling, the team’s mascot. They’ve been spotted taking walks together after games, with neither one speaking. It is also not unusual to see Figueroa exchanging gifts of pies with the Philling, though what it does with them is unknown. When questioned about the nature of their relationship, Figueroa simply states that it was built on “mutual understanding”, with a faraway glance towards the direction of the Hypocaust.
- In his past, Figueroa got duped into investing a lot of money in a series of Hawaiian themed sports bars. He says that if he were ever to be feedbacked onto the Hawai'i Fridays, it would be the death of him.
- As a type of “plant” himself (see Origin), Figueroa is deeply passionate about gardening, and leads Philly’s raised-bed gardening movement.
- Figueroa has been seen creating little flowerbeds in every stadium he plays at, right before the games begin. Immediately after he leaves, the garden plot disappears. There doesn’t seem to be any logical explanation for this.
- Partially thanks to the close alliance of the Philly Pies and the Seattle Garages, Figueroa started a romantic relationship with Garages pitcher Lenny Marijuana. They got married in the siesta following Season 14, with players lovingly referring to the couple as “Pot Pie”.
Elvis pitching by @this_is_onjit
Elvis by Bells
Figueroa with Howell Franklin and Paula Reddick
|Buried||Wyatt Owens · Wyatt Pothos · Reggie Canberra · Caleb Alvarado|
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