Lars Taylor

From Blaseball Wiki

Lars Taylor was a lineup player for the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams, and was with the Sunbeams from Season β1 until Fall Ball.

Official League Records

Taylor joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Moab Sunbeams with the Return of Blaseball.

During the Season β6 elections the Sunbeams received the Move the Mounds Closer blessing and benefited from the Sharing Signs blessing the Boston Flowers received, which boosted Taylor's pitching from 0.1 0.8 .

In Season β8, Taylor joined an elite group during a game against the eventual champion Baltimore Crabs. The Crabs began the matchup with a score of -2 due to Targeted Shame and Taylor gave up two runs, resulting in a two-run shutout.

During the Season β9 elections the Hellmouth Sunbeams received the Mutually Arising blessing, resulting in a combined 8.3 9.0 stat increase.

In the Season β11 Championships, Taylor pitched the sixth and winning game in a five-game series against the Hades Tigers to determine the Wild League champions. Taylor then proceeded to pitch the fifth and final championship game against the Seattle Garages, securing the Sunbeams' first ILB champion title.

During the Coffee Cup, Taylor played for Macchiato City as a lineup player.

During the Season β12 elections, Taylor received the Flippers modification due to the Sunbeams' Trust will.

On Season β13, Day 19, Taylor's batting ability was siphoned by Ohio Worms batter Vessalius Sundae in a game with Blooddrain weather, decreasing it 2.6 1.9 .

During the Season β13 elections the Sunbeams benefited from all four "Bubble" blessings, which increased Taylor's pitching and defense by 4%.

During the Season β19 elections, Taylor retreated to the Sunbeams' Shadows in exchange for Sigmund Castillo as a result of the Sunbeams' Foreshadow will, resulting in a combined 12.3 13 stat increase.

During the Season β20 elections, Taylor's defense increased from 4.6 5.6 as a result of the Sunbeams' Shadow Infuse will.

On Season β24, Day 88, Taylor joined the Sunbeams' lineup in exchange for Paula Reddick due to Night.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personal Life

Taylor traded his stars away in a crossroads deal with a Hellbeast for Sun Energy. This deal was made with JEFF!, however JEFF! has not taken that form since, and Taylor is completely unaware of the fact that the crossroads deal he made was with JEFF! Rather than eyes, Taylor has only portals to the sky, making him very bad at judging when he is facing the batter or when the ball is near him. He is kept on the team because of The Prophecy, and because of his positive team spirit and can-do attitude. While the probability map of Taylor's uncountable arms has been determined empirically, their exact location at any point in time is indeterminate; thus, he holds his glove aloft and pitches the ball by sheer force of will.

Lars Taylor communicates at times through a slightly modified form of American Sign Language. With his uncountable arms, Taylor is able to communicate several concepts simultaneously, which makes for a very efficient form of communication. This form of communication is so efficient, it is known to be difficult to keep up with for users of slower modes of communication, but Taylor will adjust the speed accordingly. Notably, Shadowed teammate Joe Voorhees seems to have no trouble keeping up with Taylor when he signs at top speed.

Lars Taylor's jersey has had a patch on the right shoulder depicting a denim jacket since the beginning of Season β4, from whence his eyes to the sky were reported to be just a touch dimmer. Nobody has been callous enough as to ask him about the meaning.

Career with the Sunbeams

Until the Season β6 elections, Lars Taylor had 0 pitching stars. Thus, he was given the nickname, "No-Stars Lars".

As of the Season 6 election, Taylor's ability has been upgraded to an average of one star, changing their nickname to "One-Star Lars" or "Lone-Star Lars". Taylor has been seen wearing a Western-style hat on at least one occasion, but reports that he has begun signing "Yee Haw!" before pitches have been hotly disputed among the Sunbeams faithful.


  • Before the end of Season β6, Lars Taylor was one of the few pitchers with 0 stars. He managed to stay starless through the first 6 seasons of Blaseball, which is the longest any player has been without stars in their position.
  • Lars Taylor has published a philosophical treatise on starlessness, conceptualizing it as a state of absolute liberation akin to nirvana.
  • Taylor's stars appear to be inversely correlated with PolkaDot Patterson's stars, meaning that Lars currently does not have 87 stars.
  • Taylor started his career playing for the No-Stats Lads in the Heckmouth Sundarn Series, Hellmouth's amateur league.
  • Taylor cares about the community and has been mentoring several of Hellmouth's youth who live underneath the stadium.
  • As of the end of Season β8, Taylor has taken up residence with his teammates inside of teammate/sentient castle Sigmund Castillo.

Fan Works

For more fanfiction see the 'Lars Taylor' tag on AO3