Avila Guzman is a lineup player for the Baltimore Crabs, and has been with the team since Season 19, Day 91. Guzman has played for the Miami Dale, Houston Spies, Hellmouth Sunbeams, and Seattle Garages.
Official League Records
| COMMUNITY LORE|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
While the circumstances of her birth remain largely unknown, Guzman was found as a baby in the bathroom of Beth's Café, in the aftermath of the Awful Coffee Disaster, and adopted by the Baristas that were roaming there.
Coming of age as part of the order, she was raised in the way of the Great Machinists, and received their holy sacrament, a mechanical arm made from espresso machine parts, capable of outputting a standard 9 bar of pressure, in addition to its functionalities as a limb and an espresso machine.
Before her professional blaseball career, she was roaming through Seattle's most famous independently-owned coffee houses, on her quest for the Great Deeds of Coffee prophesized in the holy Barista texts.
Life in Seattle
Guzman was formerly a brass player for the Seattle Garages Acoustics Laboratory.
As a member of the Garages, Guzman frequently hosted dinner parties for the rest of the team before important games, with Mike Townsend assisting in providing various homemade treats.
Life in Miami
Guzman's party-forward attitude has been greatly embraced by the Dale, alongside her intimate knowledge of espressos. Some have speculated her decision to remain in Miami was heavily influenced by her desire to perfect her cafecito technique.
Guzman is the current recordholder for most donuts in the parking lot, a triathalon style competition consisting of a 5 minute boat section, a 5 minute Krispy Krleme section, and a 5 minute automobile section.
In #PARTYTIME at the end of Season 5, she hosted her first dinner party for her Dale teammates. When she asked her fellow teammates to pitch in, Sixpack Santiago volunteered to bring and make arepas, if Guzman could provide avocados and tomatoes for toppings. Later, Randy Dennis volunteered to bring 7 HotNReady pizzas. Then, soon after, Peanut Bong volunteered to provide mixed drinks and supply the weed. Guzman seemed touched by her teammates' excitement for her get-together, and started the party at 8pm.
With The Spies
After the discovery that Observed and Redacted were somehow connected to coffee weather, the Agency decided to bring in a consultant with deep knowledge of coffee. Due to Guzman's deep history with the Baristas, she was a prime candidate. It is unclear how exactly the swap with Jomgy Rolsenthal was arranged for, but near the end of season 15, Jomgy Rolsenthal accidentally, or "accidentally", skated into the wrong dugout.
Despite being hired to consult on coffee, however, Guzman immediately took it upon herself to teach the Spies how to properly enjoy partytime. Previously, the Spies "celebrated" with perfunctory crepe streamers taped onto the ends of the Spies' bats, two-liter soda bottles and open bags of chips sitting on an undecorated plastic folding table, and party blowers tooted exactly once per game per player. Guzman supplemented these with a boombox behind home plate and swing dancing, and was eventually joined in partying that season by Denzel Scott and Bennett Bluesky.
As a coffee consultant, Guzman assists with such things as identifying suspect movements from coffee ring and spill patterns, and inferring which drink someone had from a glance at the residue left behind on the sides of an empty cup. She is becoming frustrated at the Agency's apparent lack of progress on the case, believing that the major breakthrough everyone is hoping for is likely not coming, but keeps her head down.
She has taken to answering questions from the press with "I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," said with a grin and a wink, before dramatically exiting through the nearest window.
Avila Guzman is the focus of the following songs:
- avila's sad by june september
- avila's cruise by june september
- avila's party by june september
Additionally, Avila Guzman is mentioned in the following song:
- Miami Dale [@MiamiBlaseball] (26 Aug 2020). "Avila Guzman just broke the Dale record for most donuts in the parking lot, this initiation has been faster than anticipated" (Tweet) - via Twitter
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