Steph Weeks

From Blaseball Wiki

Steph Weeks was a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, and was with the team from Season β6, Day 84 until Fall Ball.

Official League Records

Weeks joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands after the incineration of Randall Marijuana on Season β6, Day 84.

During the Season 6 elections, Weeks received the Gravity Boots, preventing Weeks from being affected by Reverb.

On Season β7, Day 99, Weeks siphoned some of Houston Spies batter Morrow Wilson's hitting ability in a game with Blooddrain weather, bringing it from to .

During the Season β9 elections, Weeks received the Fire Eater modification due to the passing of the Forecast: Eclipse decree.

During the Season β18 election, Weeks' Careful Fireproof Necklace was moved to Baby Doyle via the Jazz Hands' Item Move decree.

During the Season β22 elections, Weeks gained the Skipping modification as a result of the Record Scratch blessing.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Weeks was formerly part of Stephens Lightner, but was drawn out due to an unusual resonance between Lightner's collective person and the temporal anomalies surrounding Baby Doyle. Current theories from the Lightner Project suggest that Lightner had an odd number of Stephens at the time, thereby priming Weeks' exit as a way to return Lightner to their preferred state of even Stephens. Weeks' memories are complicated by his former existence as part of Lightner, but his strongest memories are of growing up Native Hawaiian, which is reflected in his general appearance. In particular, he has a fondness for the Hawai‘i Fridays.

Appearance and Personality

Weeks is readily identified by his nine eyes and nine hands, each carrying a bat. The bats are named after the nine days of the week, which is to say (in no particular order), Tuesday, Friday, Wednesday, Sunday, Nullday, Saturday, Monday, and Thursday.[1] Due to the temporal anomalies that triggered his emergence from Lightner, he sees a different day of the week (past, present, and future) out of each eye simultaneously. On average, this results in perceptions that are close to the present time, though confusion arises occasionally.

Though a fan of the Fridays, Weeks has repeatedly declared that every day of the week is his favorite day. As such, he has also repeatedly stated that he personally hates Glarfield despite his generally agreeable nature. When asked to elaborate in an interview, he said, "Look, the only defining features of that cat are that he eats llasagna and hates Mondays, and why would anyone hate Mondays? Mondays are one of the best days of the week! Easily in my top nine!"

When a fan asked about his gender identity, Weeks replied, "Look, gender is complicated, but I think I'd best describe myself as a trans man."

Interactions with the Jazz Hands

Witnesses have observed wordless communication between Weeks and Lightner. Neither were able to comment on the nature or method of these communications beyond simply saying, "We just know, y'know?"

Weeks plays a diversity of percussion instruments as part of the Jazz Hands Jazz Band, using his nine hands to full effect.

Weeks often spent time during the offseason in his native Hawai‘i, where he met Elijah Valenzuela while visiting the Fridays. After Season β7, Valenzuela joined the Jazz Hands and the two became close, sharing Hawaiian culture in Breckenridge and spending enough time together that it sparked rumors of a romantic relationship. Valenzuela and Weeks confirmed their relationship in an interview shortly before Season β8 began. When asked about the start of the relationship in an interview, Weeks said, "We were talking about sailing and then he said, 'Scuse me one sec,' and vaulted over the balcony, sprinted across the street and clotheslined a cop. I was in love."

Expansion Era

While the early Expansion Era would prove eventful for all Jazz Hands players, it had been something Steph Weeks could handle. This changed after the alternation of his partner Elijah Valenzuela during the Season β16 elections. This version of Valenzuela was significantly different than the original - more cautious, timid, and less likely to act out against the police the way the original had. As a result, Weeks announced that he and Valenzuela were no longer together. Teammates report that Weeks avoided Valenzuela whenever possible after the alternation. The stress of losing the original Valenzuela, combined with the Season β18 incinerations of teammates Tamara Crankit and Bauer Zimmerman and the exchange of team therapist Howell Rocha to the Miami Dale, would result in Weeks spending a season  Elsewhere... after being sent there near the end of Season 18.

When Weeks pulled himself out of the immateria in late Season β19, he was fully Scattered, which had not been seen in the league before at the time. It was around this time that Weeks joined Riley Firewall’s band, 1763°, as a drummer. He also began to participate in Firewall and Edric Tosser’s favorite hang-out activity: smashing light bulbs behind the local 9/25. When asked in interviews about his new hobbies with teammates, Weeks responded with “Howell told me before she left that I should reach out to others for help. Drumming is close enough, I figure.”

Later on, as the Jazz Hands’ roster began to change significantly in Season β23 and the Black Hole (Black Hole) loomed over Season β24, Weeks found himself one of the constantly present members of the team as players left and joined the team around him. Stephens Lightner’s exit from the team affected Weeks in unexpected ways. Having once been part of the Lightner collective, Weeks retained a mental link to the collective after splitting from it, but that link ceased when Lightner left for the Hades Tigers. The resulting silence has reportedly been both a blessing and a curse. When asked about the loss of this link in an interview, Weeks said, “The silence is nice, sometimes. There’s quiet when it’s needed. But when I need that buzz of the Collective, it’s gone, like part of my mind that was always there was taken away.”

Despite the stresses of the era, Weeks has been spotted hanging out with Riley Firewall and Edric Tosser more often and reportedly no longer avoids Elijah Valenzuela. Local fans have also seen Weeks walking Uncats from the Pit around Breckenridge.


  • Upon receiving Skipping in the Season β22 elections, Weeks reported that it removed some of the stress of Blaseball, stating “What’s less stressful than skipping up to a walk? I don’t even have to worry about swinging.”
  • Weeks’ least favorite Pit Cat is the one that looks just like a Glarfield telephone.

Fan Works

  1. When asked about his ninth bat in interviews, Steph replied, "I don't understand the question."