Lorcan Smaht

From Blaseball Wiki

Lorcan Smaht is a player for the Kansas City Breath Mints, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Smaht has previously played for the Baltimore Crabs.

Official League Records

Smaht joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Baltimore Crabs as the Crabs' Season β15 Playoff Birth.

On Season β17, Day 77, Smaht joined the Crabs' pitching rotation in exchange for Parker Parra as a result of Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark's Fax Machine. Smaht also partied 5 times that season, resulting in a pitching increase from 3.8 5.2 .

During the Season β19 earlsiesta Smaht was given the Undertaker modification as part of the seasonal reading.

During the Season β21 elections, Smaht gained the Heist Expert modification as a result of the Play to Find Out blessing.

During the Season β22 elections, Smaht became an Alternate and gained the Negative modification due to the Handful Alternate Trust blessing.

During the December 30, 2022 Fall Ball, Smaht fell to the Kansas City Breath Mints.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Lorcan Smaht Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-18.683 and start reading...


Lorcan Smaht was born in Boston alongside eir older sibling Trinity Smaht. The two of them were close growing up, getting into many childhood misadventures and shenanigans as siblings often do. While Trinity moved on to attend classes out of state with aer Lacrosse scholarship, Lorcan moved to Baltimore to study architecture, citing the city’s interesting shapes and urban development due to its many Carcinized people as what made the field so interesting there. Lorcan also joined in the school's wrestling team, because while ey had little interest in actual violence, Lorcan loved a good hand on activity, and took to the sport well. Lorcan has been described by classmates as “kind of like a big overeager puppy who just wants to be your friend, but ey also added in a second major in advanced mathematics last semester and has a 4.0 GPA.” Lorcan also participated in the school’s Ultimate Frisbee team as well as a local ska band.

Joining the Shadows

During the fourteenth season of Internet League blaseball and near the end of Lorcan’s degree program, ey found eir way onto the Crab’s shadows. Soon afterwards ey began to experience some unexpected changes in the form of turning into a crab under the light of a full moon. While it’s debated what kind of crab ey become in their ‘were-crab’ form, reports have been as varied as em simply joining Yurts Trunbo’s herd of pea crabs, to terrorizing the streets of Baltimore once a month. Either way this news caught the attention of eir sibling Trinity, who unbeknownst to Lorcan, followed em to Baltimore. This is also when Lorcan developed eir photosensitivity, and began wearing tinted prescription glasses to offset the effect day-to-day.

During eir time in the shadows Lorcan developed a close relationship with Crab’s pitcher Adalberto Tosser where ey would often check in on eir vetran player after a very rough season 15 where Tosser’s partner Brock Forbes was traded to the Boston Flowers and co-captain Forrest Best, along with Nagomi Mcdaniel and Alyssa Harrell were all mysteriously redacted. Lorcan often invited him out to grab burgers or a drink, to tailgate a football game, go to the zoo, see a movie, or commit vandalism - basically anything to get him out of the house. Lorcan commented that “he was obviously going through a hard time, and we ace pitchers need to stick together”. While hesitant at first, Tosser has come to appreciate the enthusiastic companionship of their newest recruit in the shadows, and pointed em towards local resources for dealing with unwanted were-crab transformation if ey were interested.

Joining the Rotation

After seeing eir sibling Trinity join the Crabs lineup in season 17, Lorcan was eager to join aer and get out of the shadows. When Parker Parra gave up 10 runs, ey took advantage of the Crab’s new fax machine and took their place on the rotation. Despite the fact that Lorcan throws pitches “like ey’s throwing a frisbee” ey fit in well with the rotation. Finn James in particular appreciated having another pitcher around who was willing to play outside of what was often seen in the Expansion Era, and the two of them are often seen practicing together. Lorcan also took quickly to Alston Cerveza, joining him on many zany adventures - though many of the team are skeptical of how many of these actually took place pointing out that it seems unlikely the two of them went to space in the off season, and came back just in time for Tosser’s postseason brunch.

Notably after eir extensive partying in season 17, Lorcan seems to have caught the attention of the Crab’s last five star rookie pitcher: Jacoby Podcast. While Lorcan has been a fan of Podcast’s show, Podcast seems to have taken personal offence to Lorcan’s sudden appearance on the team combined with eir rise to fame insisting that “eir copying them”. Several members of Podcast’s new team, the Ohio Worms, have pointed out that this is not the case however Podcast has been making inquiries into if it is possible to rush the mound if you are a pitcher and also not scheduled to be playing that day. Trinity Smaht has been quoted as saying that ae “could probably find a locker to stuff Jacoby in if it comes to that”. Lorcan seems happily unconcerned on a whole, and is looking forward to inviting Podcast out for drink the next time the Crabs play the Worms.

Ups and Downs

As Lorcan’s time on the Crabs continued, ey found emself becoming more and more central to the team, becoming both a star pitcher, and the team’s undertaker in season 19. It was troubling then when in the Season 19 Election eir sibling Trinity left for Mexico City to join the Wild Wings. After only having been reunited for a handful of seasons, Lorcan found emself uncharacteristically frustrated at the change, and sought out Trinity’s closest friend on the team and fellow occult enthusiast Enid Marlow. While Marlow was slow to realize that Trinity’s departure was the source of her frustration, once Lorcan pointed it out the two took some comfort in each others company, and became fast friends.


In Season 20 Lorcan performed eir first Undertaking - following teammate Avila Guzman into Elsewhere. While ey were only gone for a short time, Marlow was quite frustrated with the event and had several tense conversations with Guzman over the incident. In Season 21 the tables were turned as Lorcan performed eir second undertaking, diving into Elsewhere after Marlow herself. When Lorcan failed to return in a timely manner it was Guzman that Marlow turned to, and the two of them spent several nights searching the nearby bay for any signs of Lorcan. Eventually ey did return after nearly 80 days away, and Marlow was able to admit that she had missed em. Lorcan celebrated eir return by pitching a shutout in eir only postseason game, and winning eir first even Internet Series Championship.

Unfortunately even with the taste of victory still fresh on eir tongue, not all was well for Lorcan. While during eir last postseason Lorcan had rushed to Mexico City for Trinity’s graduation, as soon as the post season ended for Season 21 Lorcan found emself returning for less pleasant reasons. In eir absence eir sibling Trinity had been attacked by consumers twice, and despite aer brave exterior, ae were not taking it well. Once the season was over Lorcan was quick to track aer down and the two spent their brief offseason catching up alongside Marlow. When the three had to return to active play they still kept in touch online, and when Trinity discovered the Crab’s latest trades ae insisted on getting autographs from both Jessica Telephone and Silvaire Roadhouse. When Lorcan asked both obliged with apathy and bewilderment respectively.


After the season 22 elections, Lorcan Smaht was alternated and a new Lorcan emerged from the timeline. At first it was difficult to tell if there were any changes, with Lorcan eirself denying it that anything was truly different. After several weeks of Lorcan’s elusiveness, the moment that ey met up with eir sibling Trinity Smaht ae clocked the difference, having undergone a similar situation aerself - this Lorcan had died. The timelines diverged back in season 20 with the death of Brock Forbes, where Lorcan came from, ey was the one incinerated after that trade and spent the rest of the seasons in the Hall getting to know the other dead Crabs. With Trinity’s urging Lorcan eventually admitted this to the other Crabs who did their best to be supportive of the situation. Trinity aerself took the change surprisingly well, being excited to discuss the events with Lorcan, and asking to see eir “cool incineration scar”. Much like in their original timelines, once the Smaht siblings were reunited there was little that could be done to truly separate them.

Into the Horizon

Season 24 was a difficult time for Lorcan. When the league opened up ey struggled with what to do, as well as how to feel about eir place in it.

Back in the early days of the Expansion Era it had been the Reader who had first made Lorcan an undertaker and asked the league to “Trust Me”. And Lorcan had - working though eir own trepidation to dive in and flip eir team negative to keep them above water. It was the reader who introduced a new way to “negative Alternate” players, and in season 22 when it made Lorcan and eir team worse, ey continued to trust them as they had asked. In season 24 when the league was flipped, it caused a phenomenon on the lightest team where the leadoff hitter was targeted the most by consumers, and sure enough thanks to Lorcan the Crabs were among those teams and Herring Winfield a player that Lorcan had personally flipped when they had gone elsewhere, was redacted by consumers.

When confessing to this guilt and anger, Lorcan was comforted by teammate Avila Guzman, another player ey had made a negative, who reminded eir that choosing to trust someone was not a bad thing, even if they turned out to not have the player’s interests at heart. Kennedy Loser expressed a similar sentiment, and pushed Lorcan to work though those feelings with the team instead of bottling them up like ey had with eir alternation. You may not be able to trust the gods, but you could always count on your team.

Fan Works