Lorcan Smaht

From Blaseball Wiki

Lorcan Smaht is a player for the Kansas City Breath Mints, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Smaht has previously played for the Baltimore Crabs.

Official League Records

Smaht joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Baltimore Crabs as the Crabs' Season β15 Playoff Birth.

On Season β17, Day 77, Smaht joined the Crabs' pitching rotation in exchange for Parker Parra as a result of Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark's Fax Machine. Smaht also partied 5 times that season, resulting in a pitching increase from 3.8 5.2 .

During the Season β19 earlsiesta Smaht was given the Undertaker modification as part of the seasonal reading.

During the Season β21 elections, Smaht gained the Heist Expert modification as a result of the Play to Find Out blessing.

During the Season β22 elections, Smaht became an Alternate and gained the Negative modification due to the Handful Alternate Trust blessing.

During the December 30, 2022 Fall Ball, Smaht fell to the Kansas City Breath Mints.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Lorcan Smaht Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-19.98 and start reading...


Lorcan Smaht was born in Boston alongside eir twin sibling Trinity Smaht. The two of them were close growing up, getting into many childhood misadventures and shenanigans as siblings often do. While Trinity moved on to attend classes out of state with aer Lacrosse scholarship, Lorcan moved to Baltimore to attend college on a wrestling scholarship. While ey had little interest in actual violence, Lorcan loved a good hands-on activity, and had held an interest in wrestling ever since participating in a backyard wrestling league in eir youth. Lorcan soon branched out into indie wrestling in the Baltimore area, developing a kayfabe persona as Wicked Smaht, a happy-go-lucky, stereotypical frat bro from Boston.

Joining the Shadows

During the fourteenth season of Internet League blaseball and just after Lorcan’s college graduation, ey found eir way onto the Crab’s shadows. Soon afterwards, ey began to experience eir first carcinization, building up a thin armor of carapace across their back and biceps. This news caught the attention of eir sibling Trinity, who unbeknownst to Lorcan, followed em to Baltimore. This is also when Lorcan developed eir photosensitivity, and began wearing tinted prescription glasses to offset the effect day-to-day.

During eir time in the shadows Lorcan developed a close relationship with Crabs batter Squid Galvanic, who unbeknownst to most was a long-time fan of wrestling. Squid often attended Lorcan's indie matches to cheer for em, sometimes bringing along other Crabs players such as Finn James and Luis Acevedo. "Lorcan clearly loves what ey do, and I love that for em," she remarked to a local reporter asking about Smaht's extracurricular activities. "It makes me happy to see em up there wrestling eir heart out. I'd love to see em get a big break soon."

Joining the Rotation

After seeing eir sibling Trinity join the Crabs lineup in season 17, Lorcan was eager to join aer and get out of the shadows. When longtime Crabs player Parker Parra gave up 10 runs, ey took advantage of the Crab’s new fax machine and took their place on the rotation. Despite the fact that Lorcan throws pitches “like ey’s fighting the ball”, ey fit in well with the rotation. Finn James in particular appreciated having another pitcher around who was willing to play outside of what was often seen in the Expansion Era, and the two of them are often seen practicing together. Lorcan also took quickly to Alston Cerveza, joining him and his longtime friend Squid Galvanic on many zany adventures - though many of the team are skeptical of how many of these actually took place, and how many were simply kayfabe.

After eir extensive partying in season 17, Lorcan's wrestling talents improved as well as eir blaseball performance. Ey became a popular figure in the Baltimore indie wrestling scene, and a familiar face at most promotions, big or small. Ey found a surprisingly agreeable tag team partner in Fish Summer, the two of them briefly teaming up to be known as the Shark Fighters after the Consumer attack Lorcan valiantly survived in season 18. But soon, Fish would leave Baltimore, and Lorcan would undergo eir biggest change yet.

Heel Turn

Season 19 was notably rough for the Crabs, with the addition and subsequent incineration of Chorby Soul III in the middle of the season, as well as the departure of Lorcan's sibling Trinity Smaht for Mexico City during the elections. Not to be deterred, Lorcan drew on this pain - as well as eir new player modification - to develop a new wrestling persona known as The Undertaker. With the help of Trinity's closest friend and occult enthusiast Enid Marlow, Lorcan was able to craft a truly scary persona, a former devotee of The Olde One who dabbled in dark magic and demonology to take out eir opponents. Ey has often been criticized for having too much fun playing a heel, rather than having a more serious take on the role, but most of eir fans have professed to enjoying the campiness of the character. "I'd rather see em be silly than do a darker take on the thing," teammate Finn James remarked. "I mean, ey wasn't here for all the stuff with the Olde One, so it doesn't bother me that much? None of it is, like, even close to being factual. And ey's clearly having a great time pretending to curse people."

Ups and Downs

In Season 20 Lorcan performed eir first Undertaking - following teammate Avila Guzman into Elsewhere. While ey were only gone for a short time, Marlow was quite frustrated with the event and had several tense conversations with Guzman over the incident. In Season 21 the tables were turned as Lorcan performed eir second undertaking, diving into Elsewhere after Marlow herself. When Lorcan failed to return in a timely manner it was Guzman that Marlow turned to, and the two of them spent several nights searching the nearby bay for any signs of Lorcan. Eventually ey did return after nearly 80 days away, and Marlow was able to admit that she had missed em. Lorcan celebrated eir return by pitching a shutout in eir only postseason game, and winning eir first even Internet Series Championship. Ey was also invited to the famous Baltimore wrestling event Hell In A Shell, a promotion exclusively for carcinized wrestlers.

But even with the taste of victory still fresh on eir tongue, not all was well for Lorcan. In eir absence eir sibling Trinity had been attacked by Consumers twice, and despite aer brave exterior, ae were not taking it well. Once the season was over Lorcan was quick to track aer down and the two spent their brief offseason catching up alongside Marlow. After a brief but satisfactory time spent in Mexico City, Lorcan returned to Baltimore refreshed. But don't let that distract you from the fact that eir performance in the ring after this vacation became legendary, and many Baltimoreans still remember the time The Undertaker threw fellow wrestler Crabkind off of Hell In A Shell, plummeting 16 feet through an announcer's table.


After the season 22 elections, Lorcan Smaht was alternated and a new Lorcan emerged from the timeline. At first it was difficult to tell if there were any changes, with Lorcan eirself denying it that anything was truly different. After several weeks of Lorcan’s elusiveness, the moment that ey met up with eir sibling Trinity Smaht ae clocked the difference. This Lorcan had never been an undertaker in eir timeline, and so had never undergone a heel turn. Trinity aerself took the change surprisingly well, being excited to discuss the events with Lorcan, and suggesting that the two of them work collaboratively on an all new wrestling persona for Lorcan to debut in the coming seasons. Much like in their original timelines, once the Smaht siblings were reunited there was little that could be done to truly separate them.

Into the Horizon

Season 24 was a difficult time for Lorcan. When the league opened up ey struggled with what to do, as well as how to feel about eir place in it. Ey had always been a wrestler first and a blaseball player second, but now the consequences of blaseball were threatening to consume everything ey cared about. The Crabs becoming Unstable early into the season renewed Lorcan's commitment to eir team, and ey firmly decided to go anywhere the game would take them - even if it was into the heart of a black hole. Lorcan Smaht had never been one to turn eir nose up at adventure, after all.

Fan Works