Jon Halifax

From Blaseball Wiki

Jon Halifax was a lineup player for the Kansas City Breath Mints, and was with the team from the Season β22 elections until being incinerated on Season β23, Day 63. Halifax also played for the Baltimore Crabs.

Official League Records

Halifax joined the ILB as a pitcher for the Baltimore Crabs on Season β17, Day 2 after the incineration of Luis Acevedo.

On Season β18, Day 42, Halifax retreated to the Crabs' Shadows in exchange for Parker Meng via the Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark's Fax Machine. On Day 108, Halifax joined the Crabs' lineup in exchange for Pedro Davids via the Ratified Voicemail.

Halifax was traded to the Kansas City Breath Mints in exchange for Michelle Sportsman during the Season β22 elections via the Crabs' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a pitcher in the process.

Over the course of Season β23 until Day 63, Halifax entered and exited the Breath Mints' Shadows four times as a result of Kansas City FreshDome Fax Machine and Voicemail events, ending the Season on the lineup. On Day 63, Halifax was incinerated and replaced by Khulan Sagaba.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Jon Halifax Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-49.894 and start reading...

Devil and the Deep

Baltimore after Ascension was a contentious place. Alongside their symbolic status, the Crabs had long-standing responsibilities to the city, of guardianship and mediation. To the residents of the Oldest Bay, that duty was a reflection of the people's perpetual duty to make war with all gods. To the city council and mayoral staff, they were contractors; an independent, anarchistic faction of constituents, whose wildcard influence was a wrench in city policy, and whose stalled infrastructure operations was a boundless fiscal sponge.

In the Crabs' absence, the city tried to fill the void they left behind. Many of their responsibilities were summarily neglected, which led to a later period of unrest and insurrection. However, responsibility of guardianship over the Chesapeake Domain from divine (and other) threats was outsourced to Wheelhouse, a paramilitary consulting firm. A Baltimore branch was opened, and Jon Halifax was appointed as its head.

Not much is known about Halifax. His Wheelhouse-published work history only displays his exemplary record of hunts, and he carried out similar operations in Baltimore with great efficacy. Though the much higher threat presence in the region must have been immensely resource-intensive, Halifax refused to make any deals with the Blaseball Gods for additional protection. When confronted about the prospect, he simply said, "wheel take care of it." Baltimore was not represented in the Internet League until the return of the Crabs in Season 12.

Halifax has the sort of face that looks like he's about to break awful news to you specifically, from behind the safety of a podium. He tends to be smartly dressed, and always in the presence of a signature briefcase. The contents of the briefcase are not known in specifics, but given the circumstances in which it is opened, it can only be assumed that its contents are enough for an orchestra of violence.

All in the Family

The Crabs returned in season 12 to a changed city. Riots and strikes had reshaped the dynamic of power between different groups throughout Baltimore, and the Crabitat was a much livelier neighborhood than the near-emptied husk they remembered. However, Halifax stood his ground for years against the numerous grassroots efforts of curious individuals who stepped forth from the Crabs' shadow to protect the city without Whellhouse's help, and he dug his heels in deep for the Crabs also. For some time, the two factions worked in tandem, without cooperation, each representing their greater faction in the city's political climate. Wheelhouse and the Crabs held the same goals, the defense of the Oldest Bay, but the Crabs represented the interests of the residents of Baltimore from a populist and somewhat symbolic angle, while Wheelhouse represented a still-hostile municipal council and the self-interest of preserving their contract to the city.

However, with the loss of Forrest Best, Brock Forbes, and the haunting of Kennedy Loser, Crabs' leadership took hard tumble after tumble, and Halifax saw an opportunity. Upon the incineration of Luis Acevedo, the circumstances of whom's demise had never been thoroughly investigated, Halifax immediately stepped in and inserted himself into the role of Crabs pitcher. Unable to be removed by the doctrine of the Blaseball Gods (barring an unlikely incineration), the Crabs were forced to accept the corporate and manipulative Halifax as one of their own. While the Crabs were yet reeling from the loss of a dear teammate and the addition of a just awful pitcher, Wheelhouse summarily ramped up operations, under the guise of having "joined with" the Crabs in their duty to protect the city.

Fan Works

Jon Halifax is the subject of the following written works:

the kansas city dispatches by Cori