Fairwood Patchwork

From Blaseball Wiki

Fairwood Patchwork is a player in the Shadows for the Baltimore Crabs, and has been with the team since the Season β22 elections. Patchwork has played for the Seattle Garages.

Official League Records

Patchwork joined the ILB as a player in the Shadows for the Seattle Garages as the Garages' Season β20 Underbracket Playoff Birth.

On Season β21, Day 57, Patchwork joined the Garages' pitching rotation in exchange for Betsy Trombone as a result of The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility's Fax Machine. On Day 81, Patchwork retreated to the Garages' Shadows in exchange for Mcdowell Karim via the Fax Machine. On Day 96, Patchwork rejoined the Garages' pitching rotation in exchange for Arturo Huerta, again via the Fax Machine.

Patchwork was traded to the Baltimore Crabs in exchange for Michelle Sportsman during the Season β22 elections via the Breath Mints' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process. Patchwork also became an Alternate and gained the Negative modification due to the Handful Alternate Trust blessing.

On Season β23, Day 10, Patchwork retreated to the Crabs' Shadows in exchange for Pedro Davids at Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark via the Ratified Voicemail.

Player History

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

A Forest Fae’s Found Family

Fairwood Patchwork is a fae who represents The Forest that makes up the upper-outfield of The Big Garage. No one is entirely certain how long Patchwork has lived within the Grove, in large part because Patch does not perceive linear time in the same way the majority of humans and human-adjacent creatures do. However, ne has referred to spending time with both Bennett Browning, and Derrick Krueger, so ne has been a fixture of The Forest since at least Season 3.

Fairwood Patchwork’s gender identity--and consequently, pronouns--shift to mirror that of the observer. Therefore, to teammate Mike Townsend, Patchwork appears masculine. When talking with Wyatt Mason X, xe uses xe/xem exclusively, and while having conversations with Betsy Trombone, Patchwork identifies as A Problem. This article reflects the pronouns that Patchwork has most recently mirrored.

Patchwork does not consider nemself much of a vocalist, but plays a wide variety of instruments, ranging from Banjo, to Bone-flute (Vulture), to a self-carved hand-harp, to Bone-Flute (Mammoth).

Ne is an exceptional crafts-fae, and sews all nir own clothing, including the cloak of flannel ne sports whenever ne takes the field. Sewn together from the upcycled remains of a myriad of fabrics, the brightly colored cloak makes a dramatic statement whenever ne takes to the field. Ne has also taken to repairing the myriad of holes in the team’s garments. If there’s one thing grunge anarcho-communists are good at, it’s getting clothes filthy and torn. No matter how frequently seams are blown or knees torn out Fairwood is always available with a smile and a needle and thread. Patches tend to not mesh perfectly with the original design, but the occasional garish hues tend to enhance the team’s ramshackle vibes. Though ne does not mend for free, nir payments are minimal, and tailored to each request. Nir work is most frequently done for the cost of an oddly shaped pebble, a bag full of litter disposed of properly, or a story told at nir side while ne works.

Season 21, Day 57

Patchwork first appeared in response to a tragic showing from pitcher Betsy Trombone. As the tenth run sailed into the trees, and the second digit lit up upon the scoreboard, the ball was returned to the field, held like some holy relic by the ethereal figure from the forest. Ne approached the pitcher's mound, still holding the ball, and cleared nir throat. “I wish to play The Splort.” ne announced. Betsy rolled her eyes, said something profane, and stomped their way to the dugout to let this new player have a chance.

Life in The Garage

There is some amount of friction between Patchwork and accidental-team captain Theodore Duende. Fae of the Forests and Fae of the Home are well known rivals, and as a Duende, Theodore has been slow to trust the team’s new player. However, his plan of “Nobody make eye contact and he’ll just go away” appears to be failing miserably, and it’s hoped that they’ll both come around eventually[citation needed].

Fairwood has returned to nir Grove within The Forest on multiple occasions, leaving only with cryptic messages regarding nir eventual return. On the first of such journeys, Mcdowell Karim took nir place on the mound. Upon nir return, ne declared that The Stalk Market Greenhouse was not large enough, and has taken to expanding the rooftop garden that once belonged to Paula Turnip, and can frequently be seen sleeping amongst the flowering plants and Lotii. Curiously, after each time ne has left for The Grove, ne returns to tell of differing conversations with various Garages. ne claims Derrick Kruger is teaching nem how to pitch better, though given nir casual disregard for past, present, and future tense, what is truly going on in The Forest Grove is anyone’s guess.

When interviewed for “The Lil' Roadies Lil' Morning Show”, Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalist Abigail Funke (Age 9) asked Patchwork to describe what drew nem to Blaseball in the first place. The fae explained that ne had learned to play The Splort in nir discussions with Derrick Krueger, and expressed distress at the idea that he was “Gone forever”. Later in the interview, Mz. Funke asked what Patchwork’s favorite food was, to which ne responded: “The discomfort of people who leave things in the woods”

On the Baltimore Crabs

In season 22 Patchwork was traded to the Baltimore Crabs, and immediately felt a pang of being separated from the Pine Woods in both a literal and spiritual sense. In flight from Seattle Patchwork felt nirs heart grow more and more strained, until ne  finally entered Baltimore as a Crab, and the Olde One called out to nem. She offered to evolve the connection between Patchword and the Pine Woods that nem felt nemself being tugged away from. Patchwork agreed, and when nem stepped foot in Baltimore, something was different. Local carcinization expert Pedro Davids was the one who pinpointed exactly what had happened, confirmed by checking for Patchwork’s now non-existent pulse. Davids explained that crabs were biologically interesting in that they possessed an open circulatory system, which meant that the Olde One had simply carcinized Patchwork’s heart into not existing, leaving Patchwork with an unfamiliar, yet intriguing, pull to explore nirs new boundaries — or lack thereof.

Patchwork’s newly broadened horizons enraptured nem, and nem threw nemself into experimentation with what exactly nem were now. Nem were fundamentally different, and yet the same person nem had always been. Patchwork made a habit of meeting and reflecting as many people as nem could on the team, with mixed reactions, as nem tried to decide what details nem liked and what new ideas nem wanted to try. Patchwork bonded quickly with the local scrap artist Zeruel Kramer who adored the things that Patchwork brought to zer shop as much as Patchwork adored seeing what Kramer would make with them. Likewise as nem explored the nearby area they discovered the abandoned bunker once belonging to Forrest Best, and learned all about the Crabs original cryptid criminal, as well as the fact that they were just allowed to steal bases when they were a lineup player (though in Patchwor's case nem always made sure nem left something behind to trade for it). Nem were delighted to learn this, and while nem were active on the Crabs nem stole more bases than nem got hits.

One somewhat surprising reunion was with Avila Guzman, who had started on the Garages, and made a visit back there several seasons ago. Patchwork’s relationship with time and the passing of ages were somewhat skewed due to nirs origins, and nem found it difficult to reconcile the Avila Guzman that had left back in season 4, the Avila Guzman that had visited in season 19, and the Avila Guzman that stood before them now. In an effort to assist with this Guzman turned to a group she had been spending a lot of time with since moving to Baltimore, the Baltimore Rock Opera Society. For Patchwork, the stage was a set that Guzman could use to work through the structure of the story with nem. As nem moved from scene to scene and from act to act, Patchwork could appreciate the ways that the people around them moved and changed. Patchwork was also delighted at the opportunity to participate in the shows, and quickly became a regular, practicing at playing characters, and saving the crew a significant amount on costuming and special effects.

While nem never kept one form for long, Patchwork was quick to point out that “none of them were wrong, they were just different ways of being Fairwood Patchwork”.

The Event Horizon

As the end of the Expansion era drew closer, Patchwork found nemself conflicted on what to do next. As nem had just begun to grasp the ways that people themselves could end, the idea of the entire world ending was overwhelming. Seeing nirs distress, Avila Guzman was a rock for their former and current teammate, and as the team made their way to the Horizon Patchwork was adrift but not alone.