Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility
(Redirected from The Big Garage)
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility, affectionately known as The Big Garage, is the sentient and improbably large home of the Seattle Garages. Prior to the recent brand rehabilitation efforts of naming rights holder Jamazon, it was known as the Hotdogfingers Memorial Cannibalism Promotion Garage and Parking Facility. It doubles as the Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility Center For The Performing Arts, and hosts concerts by the Band’s various acts both on and around the field.
The stadium was given the prefix Hotdogfingers Memorial in response to the incineration of star pitcher Jaylen Hotdogfingers during the Season β1 election, when fans voted to open the The Forbidden Book. Discussions about renaming the stadium in response to the subsequent resurrection(s) of Jaylen Hotdogfingers are no longer ongoing, as the team has committed to the bit, much to the dismay of Miss Hotdogfingers.
While The Big Garage is typically located in Sodo, just south of downtown Seattle, its exact location is somewhat indeterminate. Despite this, The Big Garage is easy to find, and is always open. Fans in attendance report that, after feeling the need to watch a splorts game or concert, they were suddenly transported to the front of the stadium, a huge open garage door.
The Big Garage’s main structure is a vast concrete and steel aircraft hanger that houses the field and stadium seating (and also several Bloeing planes, due to cost cutting measures implemented by upper ILB management). The field itself is much larger than average and the outfield curves upward until it disappears into a dense eldritch forest. After repeated complaints from Oliver Mueller, who often skateboards around the bases, a grind rail was installed between the first and third bases to allow for sick skate tricks. The outfield curves upward, reminiscent of a glove and due to its extreme slope, the large scoreboard and ticker rise directly out of right field. Because The Big Garage is also an event space, a giant sound system, a lighting rig, and a retractable stage suspended from the ceiling transform the field into a concert venue in a matter of minutes. The sound system is especially powerful and, thanks to its psychoacoustic properties, is able to amplify the vibrations and sonic auras of the crowd in attendance. A notable example of this occurred in Season 22, on Day 60 when the frenzied
and profanity-laden cries of the crowd were amplified to such a degree that umpires were unable to enter the Garage to incinerate the unstable Tot Clark. This event, known as the Riot in the Stands, the Swear Ward or Soliswearity, was so powerful that it was picked up by the seismometers of several nearby universities.
The stands of The Big Garage are perhaps best described as a large concrete edifice with a very functional, almost brutalist, design. Most visitors describe them as a sort of “concrete jungle.” The commentary box / incinerated material landfill known as the Great Garage in the Sky is a normal, house-sized garage which hangs from the ceiling above and behind home plate. In the stands next to left field, there is a special seating section reserved for the Seattle Garages Lil' Roadies. Other attractions in the stands include the Salmon section and the various members of the Seattle Shadows Co-op. Behind and under the stands and various concessions lies the interior of the Garage, a maze-like network of rooms that visitors describe as “real confusing” and “seemingly larger on the inside than the outside.” Living spaces for team members are located here, in addition to practice rooms and smaller performance spaces. Members of the band seem to be able to navigate this labyrinth with ease, and many live within the Garage, in rooms rumored to be created and furnished especially for them by the Garage itself. Underneath the Garage, a series of tunnels connect to the greater Seattle Underground tunnel network.
The Big Garage appears to be sentient, and has been known to constantly shift its interior. It often uses this ability to allow band members to travel from room to room via routes that didn’t exist minutes before. New rooms are occasionally created out of thin air, especially in response to team roster additions. Most Garages have simply learned not to question this behavior. The Big Garage is also very protective of both current and former Garages. It is theorized that this protectiveness stems from its experience of the incineration of Jaylen Hotdogfingers and has only intensified since then. Visiting teams report feeling ominous and even hostile vibes from the stadium. These often have physical manifestations, including but not limited to: salmon cannons ejecting visitors and consumers, the grind rail suddenly becoming much more slippery, and crows in the birdhouses cawing foreboding omens. The Big Garage, like the band, has an anarchic anticapitalistic streak and has held a very disruptive one building riot in response to hot dog taxation hikes by the city, in addition to other protests. Some Garages players have found ways to communicate and even strike up friendships with The Big Garage, which is always happy to welcome them home.
Aside from the band, a vibrant cast of characters frequent the stadium. The Big Garage is staffed almost entirely by volunteers, though shadowed players also handle various jobs. Live commentary is provided by Mama Duende. In-house music is provided by the Original Doof Warrior, who is suspended via bungee cords from the scoreboard. Original Doof is famous for his long, high energy renditions of Take Me Out to the Ball Game, played at the middle of the 7th Inning, though it often extends well into the 8th. Original Doof Warrior is also responsible for keeping score. At each game, many googly-eyed mascots hype up the crowds thanks to the large membership of the United Seattle Garages Mascot Workers.
Points of Interest
The Seattle Shadows Co-op
Main article: Seattle Shadows Co-op
The Seattle Shadows Co-op is a cooperation of businesses owned and operated by members of the Seattle Garages shadows. Due to the power of umbramancy, these shops are usually located in several places at once, but they can always be found among the concession stands in The Big Garage.
The Hot Sauce Bar and Grill
Founded by Shadows member Terrell Bradley, The Hot Sauce Bar and Grill (commonly referred to by fans as simply "Dad's Place") boasts a wide variety of burgers, brews, and nostalgic sides, with a focus on native Hawaiian cuisine. On weekends, Earlsiesta, Latesiesta, and Day 99, shadows member Ortiz Morse hosts karaoke nights.
The Eye of the Storm
The Eye of the Storm is a detective agency and center of meteorological research run by Garages player Mcdowell Karim.
A blacksmithing and makerspace workshop run by Garages player Penelope Mathews.
The Emblem Warhorse
The Emblem Warhorse is a queer dive bar in Seattle, Washington, known for its lively events, good drinks, and tight knit community, who also refer to themselves as Emblem Warhorse. After the bar was inexplicably added to the Seattle Garage’s shadow roster in season 11, it became part of the Shadows Co-op and is now accessible through the stadium.
Oliver Best Repairs
Oliver Best Repairs is a skate repair shop founded and run by Oliver Mueller, Oliver Notarobot, and Oliver Loofah. Their selection ranges from handcrafted skateboards to more outlandish skates tricked out with hydraulics, gravity defiance, and more. The Shop provides the skateboards which are placed at first base to encourage use of the Grind Rail, and fans are able to purchase boards seen in play during that day's game.
Perfect Fitz is a tailor’s shop run by Fitzgerald Wanderlust. It specializes in flannel outfits and accessories, expanding the Garages signature look to more than just traditional shirts. Wanderlust also hosts workshops where attendees can learn basic repair and tailoring skills, aimed at giving clothes new life.
The Wanderlust Emporium of Solutions and Answers: Alchemy for the Discerning Gentleperson
The second shop managed by Wanderlust, the Emporium is a far larger project focused on providing affordable medications, as well as prosthetics both practical and esoteric.
The Browning Cash Torres Krueger Memorial Greenhouse Gas Emissions Reduction Pledge Greenhouse
In Season 8, shortly after Paula Turnip's arrival, the staff had a greenhouse built on the roof of the stadium. Since then it has accrued a number of plants, from Pomegranate trees to horrifying Hellmouth flora. Since Turnip's departure, the Lotii and Lori Boston tend to it.
Turnip named the greenhouse Hard Rock when it first opened, after she mistook the concrete of The Big Garage as very hard rock. When she was informed that the name was already taken by a large entity, she shifted to Party Rock, after the song came on as she was brainstorming. When informed that also wouldn't work, she agreed, since she is staunchly anti party anyway. Now, names for the greenhouse cycle depending on who is asked, and the time of day.
- Pomegranate and Apricot trees native to Armenia, imported from Lori Boston's hometown.
- A single basil plant, set in a corner, grown by Arturo Huerta.
- Sparks Beans' collection of forbidden coffee trees.
- Magi Ruiz's tea and herb garden.
- A carnivorous sunflower, 7' in height, named Pesto, imported from the Hellmouth. Must only be fed under the light of a full moon, which is notably difficult now that the moon has been destroyed. Typically tended to by Alaynabella Hollywood.
- Various cultivars of the Last Chance Townsendia, gifted to different Garages by Hellmouth Sunbeam Euginia Bickle. Team member Mike Townsend avoids sections of the greenhouse with these, as he claims they mock him.
- A particularly bloodthirsty Dracaena tree, planted next to a very mossy rock.
The Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Café and Sanctuary
Main article: Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Cafe and Sanctuary
The Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Café and Sanctuary is a cat café and sanctuary for cats which sometimes exists within The Big Garage, among other locations. It was created by Durham Spaceman to house the many cats left behind by the late Ron Monstera. Today it hosts cats from all across Seattle, much to the delight of visitors.
The Forest is the mysterious and eldritch woods located at and encroaching on the edge of the Garages’ outfield. It appeared, fully formed, when ground was broken on the Garages’ ballpark in Season β13, resulting in the construction of the Pine prefab without the team’s input. The Forest is very dark and dense, and is primarily composed of tall douglas fir and western red cedar, with the a higher then average number of rare white pines. A thick carpet of moss and ferns covers the forest floor. The Forest appears normal, if out of place, but many players who encounter it describe feeling that something is not quite right. While the trees themselves appear mundane, the Forest as a whole seems to harbor a deep and old intelligence, which is off-putting to many. Due to the extreme curvature of The Big Garage, home runs rarely occur, but when they do it is usually because an outfielder refuses to run into The Forest to catch it. Unconfirmed reports also suggest that The Forest may be connected to , as players are often washed into the trees by the floods of immateria, and the salmon cannons are aimed directly into it. Onlookers report spotting Malik Destiny sprinting away from the treeline at top speed when he returned from on Season 19, Day 54. He and other players who have been for extended periods of time tend to regard the Forest with a lot of respect and avoid it if possible. Theodore Duende, an avid hiker, is known to spend time in The Forest, and has struck up a tentative relationship with the ancient trees. It is said that his influence is one of the few things that has prevented it from swallowing the rest of the outfield. Fairwood Patchwork claimed to be an emissary for The Forest when they emerged in Season 21. They maintain a home in a grove deep within The Forest, and, while a member of the band, emerged from it to pitch whenever they were up.
Since its creation in Season β17, the smithy has been run by Penelope Mathews. Utilizing her free flowing magma, Mathews forges and repairs all manner of clothes and finery for the team. She has been known to struggle with weaponry, but as of the Season β19 Elections this is no longer an issue, as she is aided by Emblem Warhorse patron Emerald Warhorse. When Mathews is pitching, Warhorse holds down the forge in her stead.
The Salmon Section
A large salmon tank is located next to right field. It was constructed by resident cryptozoologist Lenjamin Zhuge to house the salmon which occasionally swim upstream through the stadium. It is connected via an underground channel to the Salmon Spire. Atop the tank sits a row of cannons which The Big Garage uses to defend the band from Consumers and occasionally opposing players. The Big Garage is known to have a fiendish sense of humor in this regard, as the first player it fired elsewhere was, fittingly enough, Fish Summer.
Main article: List of Vending Machines at The Big Garage
Coin operated vending machines can be found throughout the concessions area and halls of The Big Garage. The vending machines are stocked with all sorts of things including fan art, Tlopps™ cards, thumbdrives, commemorative pins and patches, joints, and cassettes featuring a wide variety of bands, including music performed by the band themselves. Perhaps most notable are the vending machines themed for every player of the Seattle Garages, both past and present, which sell unique and very on-brand memorabilia.
The Big Garage is the focus of the following songs:
|Buried||Jasper Destiny · Rigby Friedrich · Chandra Blortles · Pedro Davids|
|Stats||NEW Seasons||1 · 2|
|Beta Seasons||β1 · β2 · β3 · β4 · β5 · β6 · β7 · β8 · β9 · β10 · β11 · β12 · β13 · β14 · β15 · β16 · β17 · β18 · β19 · β20 · β21 · β22 · β23 · β24|
|Ballpark||The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility|
|Community||United Seattle Garages Mascot Workers · Seattle Garages Stadium and Training Volunteers · Seattle Garages Lil' Roadies|
|Places||Dark Seattle · Seattle Gum Wall · Ron Monstera Memorial Cat Cafe and Sanctuary · Seattle Shadows Co-op|
|History||Seattle Garages's History · Jamazon · Dark Seattle Corporates · Operation DEBT Collection|
|Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏|
- This is due to the fact that it is, in fact, a big garage.
- The door is always open. This is because, in the words of former team captain Theodore Duende, “We lost the remote.”
- A garage for planes
- When asked, fans were not able to come up with a general consensus on what the event should be called but everyone could agree that in retrospect, it was perhaps the best
guitar rifftime they had all season.
- Perhaps due to help from the building itself. See next paragraph.