Zeruel Kramer

From Blaseball Wiki

Zeruel Kramer is a lineup player for the Baltimore Crabs, and has been with the team since Season β18, Day 90.

Official League Records

Kramer joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Baltimore Crabs on Season β18, Day 90 after the incineration of Chorby Soul III.

On Season β22, Day 25, Kramer was swept  Elsewhere... and gained the Negative modification as a result of Lorcan Smaht's Undertaker modification.

On Season β22, Day 96, Kramer retreated to the Crabs' Shadows in exchange for Pedro Davids at Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark via the Ratified Voicemail.

On Season β23, Day 87, Kramer joined the Crabs' lineup in exchange for Axel Campbell at Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark via the Ratified Voicemail.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Zeruel Kramer Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-71.133 and start reading...

Answering the Call on the Red Line

Not long ago Zeruel Kramer was an average resident of DC catching the last train home on the red line with zer homemade sword, when suddenly it burst into flames and spoke to zem with the voice of an angelic presence (the sword, not the red line this time). The sword professed that Kramer had been chosen to be it’s champion in the contest of the gods, and it was zer sworn duty to uphold this fight as long as ze lived. Kramer thought on this only momentarily before agreeing, since it seemed like a solid juncture between zer passions for splorts, craftsmanship, and a functional public transit system. To aid zer in zer mission Kramer built a set of elaborating stained-glass esque wings fashioned from discarded scrap in the area (and updated zer prosthetic arm to match) and stalked the streets at night looking for a way to further zer mission. Alas, Kramer found that even with zer “sick new look” whatever the angel was spurring them on to do did not come easily, ze needed something more direct.

Spurred on by this revelation, Kramer traveled to Baltimore to try and learn more about their god-fighting history. With both the death of The Olde One and The Shelled One taking place in the Crabitat it seemed like a natural place to begin zer search. Kramer began frequenting games, and even befriended the Crabitat’s groundskeeper, Yurts Trunbo by providing home-made scrap art and novelty crab swag to sell at the gift shop. Finally after attending a season’s worth of games, Kramer was there to witness the death of Chorby Soul III and knew (because zer sword helpfully insisted) that this was zer moment, and ze took up a place on the Baltimore Crabs.

Artistic Inspirations

Upon joining the Crabs, Kramer found zemsleves very interested in the work of crabs veterans Pedro Davids and Adalberto Tosser. Davids had designed and built an arm for Tosser while the Crabs were ascended, and the eye-catching design was something that drew Kramer in immediately. Ze never missed a chance to compare notes on projects, and Davids was happy to chat with zer about zer latest work, commenting that “Ze is way easier to deal with than that last guy. Similarly, upon hearing of Tosser’s art career, Kramer began asking about seeing some of the work he did to get kicked out of the Maryland Institute College of Art. While Tosser’s reaction was mostly one of embarrassment, he did eventually show off some of his older sketches which Kramer was delighted by.

Strangely enough their experiences with the enthusiastic Kramer have brought both Davids and Tosser closer together after a tumultuous return to the ILB. With Kramer often running between the two to compare notes, it’s become common enough to have all three of them simply talking shop in Kramer’s spare workshop in the Crabitat. In zir time in Baltimore, Kramer became a frequent sight at old storage lockers being sold off, local scrap yards, and various junk sales. While Kramer was a jovial teammate in most cases, teammates describe zir as “surprisingly ruthless” in getting zir hands on the best materials for zir work. Kramer seemed to often bring company to these sales, having been seen with Adalberto Tosser (making use of his reach and bargaining skills), Montgomery Bullock (being generally intimidating to bystanders) and in one instance Jessica Telephone (who ze used as a distraction to keep other people away from the best finds while they were trying to get a selfie with her). Bullock in particular seemed to enjoy these bouts as they were about to pick up new dolls for their collection, a hobby that both Kramer and Bullock shared. The two never came at odds over this because while Kramer enjoyed finding good parts and joint flexibility and detail work in zir dolls, Bullock was delighted with basically anything they found.

The Event Horizon

Kramer considered zirself good at handling most challenges that came zir way, however when the end of the world began ze found zirself a little out of zir depth. When the team announced that they would be going directly into the maw of the event horizon, and not towards the safety of the vault, ze did not take it well. With Pedro Davids planning his own trip to the vault, Kramer began to assist in the effort, working to build a ship that could take the two of them to safety once they got the team where they wanted to go. However on Day 79 when the Pies were nullified Davids and Kramer realized they no longer had until the end of the season, but that they could be nullified at any moment.

With this realization, Kramer took stock of zir work and personal philosophies, and tried to unpack zir feelings. After spending a night in the Crabitat they emerged deciding that they did not need to survive the end of the world, ze just needed to make sure someone who did could remember zir. Entrusting that responsibility to Davids, the two of them adjusted their plans into a single passenger vessel, and as the Blackhole (blackhole) approached Kramer pushed the vehicle into action and watched Davids disappear into the distance. In the moments before the Crabs were Nullified, Kramer tried to remember if ze had pushed with zir organic arm, zir prosthetic “Arm of God”, or both.

Fan Works