Michelle Sportsman

From Blaseball Wiki

Michelle Sportsman was a pitcher for the Seattle Garages, and was with the team from the Season β22 elections until Fall Ball. Sportsman has played for the LA Unlimited Tacos, Kansas City Breath Mints, and Baltimore Crabs.

Official League Records

Sportsman joined the ILB as a lineup player in the Shadows for the LA Unlimited Tacos as the Tacos' Season β11 Playoff Birth.

On Season β18, Day 3, Sportsman joined the Tacos' active roster in exchange for Fish Summer as a result of Al Pastor Memorial Park's Fax Machine.

During the Season β19 elections, Sportsman gained the Underhanded modification as a result of the Underhanded blessing.

Sportsman was traded to the Kansas City Breath Mints in exchange for Lucas Petty during the Season β21 elections via the Breath Mints' Equivalent Exchange will.

Sportsman was traded to the Baltimore Crabs in exchange for Jon Halifax during the Season β22 elections via the Crabs' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a lineup player in the process. Sportsman was then immediately traded to the Seattle Garages in exchange for Fairwood Patchwork via the Breath Mints' Equivalent Exchange will, becoming a pitcher again in the process.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Michelle Sportsman is a British-Indian immigrant with a storied career in other splorts. Sportsman originally joined the Tacos in a coaching role, and after many seasons of the Tacos’ poor performance in blaseball, her background in physical therapy and coaching techniques has led to improved performance from the team. She is often seen disagreeing with Tacos’ team captain Mcdowell Mason during practices, though not on gamedays.

Sportsman is usually found wearing team issued tracksuits. She has perfect posture. Her teammates occasionally call her “team mom” as she tries to ensure each member of the team gets adequate rest and recovery. It is rumoured that her treatments have been a factor in the improved performances of Basilio Mason, Rat Mason, Yummy Elliott and Wyatt Mason IV.

Journalist Notes

The following is an excerpt from a handwritten draft of an article by an unknown journalist, found discarded near Al Pastor Memorial Park during the Offseason before Season β18:

Rather worse for wear, I was standing in front of Sportsman’s office door. I wasn’t sure if I should take my coat off or leave it on. I chose on, although the staining was beginning to spread. [the next section goes on and on about the splort coat and a bruised shin and feeling nervous, and about how this is probably far too self-indulgent for a newspaper profile, to which this editor wholeheartedly agrees, no probably about it.] As we shook hands, ❥❥☁☁❥❥ her perfect posture, and caught myself straightening up just a bit, even though I think my posture is quite acceptable. She smirked. “What can I help you with?” she asked me, pouring two cups of water from a pitcher on her small desk and handing me one. “Here, stay hydrated. Would you like a snack bar? I promise that Yummy Elliott did not make them.”.

I politely declined the snack but accepted the water, which tasted faintly of limes. The first thing I noticed about the office was the display case full of splorts trophies: flootball, flutbol, tlennis, glolf, ultimate frisbee, and more. I looked closer, and noticed that her name was written on pieces of tape and stuck over the original names. “You play a lot of splorts,” I said, and realized how inane that sounded. “How did you get so many trophies?” A slightly better question. “I beat the original owners.” There was a glint in her eye and I suddenly felt like the topic was best left at that.

Fan Works