Charleston Shoe Thieves/History
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
The Shoe Thieves are located in Charleston. Every year, they hand out awards to players for big plays they've made that year and an account of the game is immortalized. When a Shoe Thief (former or current) is incinerated, their name may be be carved into the Sunken Charleston Remembrance Obelisk.
The Shoe Thieves began not as a blaseball team, but as a band of footwear larcenists lead by legendary master thief Cornelius Games. After attending a game of Blaseball to support his husband Richardson Games of the New York Millennials, Games began to formulate a plan to pose as a blaseball team as a cover for stealing rare and expensive blaseball shoes. In addition to his existing crew, he won over his old rival Workman Gloom and recruited local cryptid Ren Hunter to play on the false team.
"Shoe Thieves" was used as a placeholder name for the team while they debated on what the least suspicious name for their false front would be. However, Forrest Bookbaby, then working as Games' intern, was eager to impress his idol and submitted the paperwork with the placeholder a show of initiative. Thus, the Charleston Shoe Thieves were born.
Despite the team originally being created solely as a front, they proved to be quite competent at the splort. Much to their own amazement they won several games and attracted the attention of free agent Esme Ramsey, whose addition as a reliable hitter helped them compete toe to toe with the rest of the league. While there was some initial tension within the team about whether to finish the heist or abandon it in favor of "going straight", they soon discovered they could continue to steal shoes while competing as a legitimate blaseball team by passing the thefts off as a beloved gimmick.
The Shoe Thieves will hold up shoes to signal plays to their teammates or to proudly display their latest successful theft. It's a common misconception that the type of shoe itself is important to the play the athlete is signalling. In truth, it is the way the laces have been tied themselves that relay the important information to their teammates. The colour, arrangement, knot and even how frayed the laces are can be crucial information. This is not the only method of communication the Shoe Thieves use while playing. Esme Ramsey, Stu Trololol and Blood Hamburger make use of their psychic blood to talk in a group chat over Pskype, although Stu has stated that the group chat is mainly unrelated to their game strategy. Velasquez Alstott also makes use of light-up sneakers, using a mix of tap dance and Irish dancing to communicate in Morse code with her teammates.
For a list of Shoe Thieves seasons, see List of Charleston Shoe Thieves Seasons.
Gayest Team in Blaseball?
For several seasons the Shoe Thieves disputed the New York Millennials claim to be "the gayest team in blaseball". They were ultimately forced to cede their rival claim after losing a pivotal game of Rlock Plaper Sclissors with the Shoe Thieves represented by Esme Ramsey and the Millennials by Theodore Cervantes. According the to terms of the game, the Shoe Thieves technically maintain the right to call themselves "the second gayest team in blaseball", but this title is not popularly used.
Following a season in which they entered the playoffs with the worst win/loss record of any playoff team, and defeating the league leaders the Dallas Steaks 3-2 and their division rivals the Boston Flowers 3-0, the Shoe Thieves faced the Philly Pies, who were the Season β1 champions, undefeated in the postseason, and so far undefeated in the Season 2 playoffs as well. Despite being the betting odds underdogs, the Shoe Thieves beat the Pies 9-4, breaking their playoff victory streak. Beasley Gloom, the starting pitcher in game one, earned the nickname "underdog" both for his role in such a significant upset victory and his status as the team's only canine player.
During Game 2 of the Season β2 Finals against the Philly Pies, starting pitcher Cornelius Games swapped his place on the mound with remarkably convincing doppelganger (later revealed to be a local tram operator Games encountered on the way to the stadium). The dubiously legal substitute performed notably worse than Games's average, allowing 12 runs and potentially contributing to the Shoe Thieves loss. However, the distraction allowed Games to successfully break into the Pies' locker room and steal a pair of sneakers from star batter Jessica Telephone's locker.
Over the course of the following off-season, Games was able to convince all of the Shoe Thieves' batters to drink Yes Plz! Coffee from the sneakers, hoping ingesting trace amounts of the legendary hitter's sweat would substantially increase their batting prowess in preparation for Season β3.
The Grand Unslam
For more information on this event, see The Grand Unslam.
In the 15th inning of a record-breaking game against the Los Angeles Tacos, former Shoe Thieves player Morrow Doyle hit a grand slam that shook the very foundations of blaseball itself. Both the Shoe Thieves and Tacos ended Day 74 of Season β3 with a record of 75 games, potentially a reflection of a disruption of spacetime.
Esme's Dickson's Dough Hook
Being on the same team will not keep you safe from thieves, as Esme Ramsey found out during the break after season 4. Richardson Games was noted to be in possession of a dough hook resembling a family heirloom of Ramsey's, if it were fashioned into a makeshift grappling hook. Games refuses to reveal how they acquired the grappling hook, though speculation and small amounts of circumstantial evidence point to it being a gift from Cornelius Games. On the subject, Ramsey said, "It's whatever. The thing was awkward as hell to use, and even more awkward to steal from me. If someone's gonna go through all that trouble and manage to get some use out of it, power to them."
At the end of Season 5, Cornelius Games informed the rest of the rotation that they would be joining him on a heist to steal shoes from beyond the grave. Kevin, Gunther, Beasley and Snyder all piled into a submarine and were taken to a sunken city that Games would not identify. In the city, the pitchers aided their leader in searching a mysterious peanut-scented void, retrieving from it five pairs of shoes. Games claimed that these were the shoes of deceased former Shoe Thieves Matteo Prestige, Blankenship Fischer, Atlas Jonbois, Sebastian Townsend, and Morrow Doyle.
In a ritual known only as the Sole Swap, Games placed the shoes on each of his pitchers (Beasley receiving two pairs due to having 4 feet and Cornelius believing he did not need the help). Games' assessment turned out to only be partially true. Kevin, Gunther, and Beasley had not previously even been wearing shoes properly (not counting the one Gunther would occasionally wear on his head), which gave all of them better traction on the pitcher's mound. However, the shoes Briggs received turned out to actually have been formerly owned by Forrest Bookbaby. Whether due to being an alternate version of Snyder or for some other reason, Bookbaby's shoes actually diminished Briggs' pitching abilities. While the others each gained insight and ability from the shoes' previous owners, Bookbaby's shoes were incredibly tight on Briggs' feet, irritating and distracting them.
The Shoe Thieves, in their downtime during ILB's off-season, began to set out for new marks. Hotbox Sato and Joe Voorhees, at a loss, went to Cornelius Games for advice. Games remarked with sarcasm that the two "could steal the lights off some brat's shoes for all I care." At that, Sato and Voorhees made their way to the Hawai'i Friday's beach party and made an attempt to steal the lights from York Silk's sneakers, but with their hands sticky from eating s'mores, they were caught in the act and kicked out of the party for their bad vibes. The failed attempt on Silk's shoe lights may have triggered an ancient prophecy, written on a stone tablet the thieves had found in Sunken Charleston and inflicting other teams in the Mild Low division with a curse that mildly impaired their ability to play blaseball. As the curse came from within Sunken Charleston, the Shoe Thieves were unaffected, and pretended not to notice the change.
The Three Stripes Accord
In a highly controversial move, the Shoe Thieves accepted a sponsorship from shoe brand Adlidas. Suspiciously, players haven't been found to actually wear Adlidas shoes, on the field or off. It's alleged that this is because the sponsorship is actually a protection racket run by the Shoe Thieves, but when asked for comment, Cornelius Games stated, "I think 'protection racket' is both unfair and inaccurate, given that we've simply genially agreed to not steal shoes from Adlidas in exchange for them giving us the shoes we were going to steal. It saves them some money on security that they can instead invest in funding to cover the loss of the additional shoes that we end up also stealing."
After their sponsorship was suddenly terminated for unknown and suspicious reasons, other teams in Mild Low found themselves in possession of brand new Adlidas shoes, slightly improving their ability to play.
Allies and Rivals
In part due to a pair of notable feedback swaps, the players, staff, and fans of the Shoe Thieves have formed a long-standing relationship with the Canada Moist Talkers. The relationship began during Season 4, when former Shoe Thieves star player Workman Gloom was exchanged for the Moist Talkers's Joe Voorhees in a Feedback event. Voorhees and Gloom become close after their swap, having traded important advice to each other with regards to fitting in with their new teams; Voorhees brought Canada culture to the Thieves, and Gloom Charleston to the Moist Talkers, lighting the fires of friendship between the two teams.
The relationship between the two teams was improved further during the following seasons, as Gloom still held themself responsible for their dog and Charleston pitcher, Beasley Gloom. At first, Gloom would make regular trips from Halifax back to Charleston to take care of Beasley, each time bringing the Moist Talkers' good graces back to their former team. After these trips became a tax on Gloom's time and schedule, a few Thieves players -- led by Voorhees and Esme Ramsey -- instead made the reverse trip, bringing Beasley to Halifax to see his former owner. These Charleston-Halifax dog deliveries became a regular feature of the Shoe Thieves' time off, especially for Ramsey, who maintained a close personal relationship with Gloom during their time as a Moist Talker.
In Season 6, the Talkers and Thieves again had players traded amidst the Feedback--Canada's Lachlan Shelton for Charleston's Antonio Wallace. According to some witnesses, the pair's swap may have been a mistake made by Cornelius Games; Gloom had (allegedly) sent Lachlan over to the Thieves dugout during the game to bring some treats over to Beasley while they were at-bat, and Games (allegedly) misunderstood this as a trade and immediately drafted Shelton to the Thieves, sending Antonio Wallace back in his place. This has (allegedly) never been corroborated by Games himself, and Feedback was listed as the (allegedly) official cause of the trade. However, fans and players alike responded positively to the trade, enjoying the further blending of the two teams.
In a post-game interview early in Season β7, Cornelius Games was asked about his team's relationship and history with the Moist Talkers. Games pretended to not understand the question and became visibly frustrated when the interviewer mentioned Workman Gloom specifically, claiming to have never heard of them before. After Games stormed off, Lachlan Shelton finished the interview in his stead; when asked about the Canada-Charleston friendship, he answered, "I mean, like. You gotta have friends, right? When people are getting incinerated, or trapped in giant peanut shells, or beaned by a zombie pitcher, you gotta have friends. It's good to have friends."
In perhaps their greatest act of friendship, shortly following Workman Gloom's Season 7 incineration, the Moist Talkers delivered the former Shoe Thief's ashes and personal effects (not including their Moist Talkers hat, which Esme Ramsey had previously acquired through different means) back to Choux Stadium. Gloom's ashes are currently on display in Choux Stadium, stored in a pair of Gloom’s boots and contained in a glass display alongside a Canadian flag. A small dish is included with the display, and Talkers and Thieves fans alike are encouraged to spit into the dish to pay respect to one of the greatest players who ever swung a blaseball rod.
|Buried||Richardson Games · Darren Chill · Slosh Gulp · Becker Solis|
|Stats||Season||β1 · β2 · β3 · β4 · β5 · β6 · β7 · β8 · β9 · β10 · β11 · β12 · β13 · β14 · β15 · β16 · β17 · β18 · β19 · β20 · β21 · β22 · β23 · β24
1 · 2 · Full List
|Circuits||Gamma 1 · Gamma 2 · Gamma 3 · Gamma 4|
|Events||The Grand Unslam · Day X|
|Staff||Cornelius Games · Matteo Prestige · Sneaker Pete · Holden Milk|
|Places||Charleston · The Beck And Call · Sunken Charleston Remembrance Obelisk|
|History||Charleston Shoe Thieves' History · Fan Awards|
|Fan Culture 📣 · Fan Works 💌 · Tlopps Cards 🃏|
|Your Kicks are Our Kicks.|