Chicago Firefighters/History

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COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.


Pre-History

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The Firefighters were once a team managed, owned, and coached by individuals.


Creation

During the Great Chicago Blaseball Fire, the original players, management, and Fire House were destroyed. After the Chicago firefighters arrived at the blaze and put it out, they stuck around and formed the Firefighters team as it is known today.


Traditions

During the playoffs, all Firefighters players grow out their fingernails and paint them with fire-inspired designs.

Player Numbers

Each player's number corresponds to the Chicago zip code they live in. Players all have their number tattooed on the knuckles of one hand and WAFC tattooed on the other hand.

Players who inherit a number are from the zip code corresponding to their inherited number. If they were not from that zip code, they are now.

Historic Moments

Tyreek Olive's Incineration (Season 2, Day 26)


Anaphylactic Apocalypse (Season 3, Day 20)


Paula Mason Feedback (Season 4, Day 4)

Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser (Season 4, Day 108)

On Day 108 (August 29), the New York Millennials faced the Chicago Firefighters. The Mills were facing elimination, trailing two games to one in the series. Despite being significant underdogs and facing Axel Trololol on the mound, the Mills held the scoreline to 2-2 entering the ninth inning.

Leading off, Conrad Vaughan hit a double and quickly stole third, setting up the go-ahead run. Thomas Dracaena stepped to the plate.

Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

Time stopped.

In what quantum scientists later determined to last 24 minutes in an alternate dimension, Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As The Commissioner released a statement reading simply "uh", Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As feedback was detected (although no player swaps occurred), Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

As unsubstantiated reports came in of an umpire malfunctioning at a watch party, Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser.

Eventually, after a possibly infinite number of Thomas Dracaenas hit a possibly infinite number of ground outs to a possibly infinite number of Edric Tossers, Schneider Bendie approached the plate. After quietly cursing space-time, capitalism and the ground, Bendie connected, sending Vaughan home and giving the Mills the lead. Ren Hunter followed with another hit, bringing Bendie home and bumping the scoreline to 4-2.

Fynn Doyle proceeded to close the game with no runs given up, sealing a storybook 4-2 Millennials victory. NY would proceed to win the series in Game 5 and advance to the Internet Series.

(this is placeholder from the NY Mills' entry of same, feel free to Chicago-ize)


Reverberations (Season 5, Day 30)


Declan Suzanne and the Big Shame Plan (Season 5, Day 112)

On Season 5 Day 112 the Chicago Firefighters, playing at The Fire House, faced off against the Breckenridge Jazz Hands in Game 4 of the Season 5 Internet Series Championship. The Firefighters were trailing in the series 1-2, and needed a Game 4 win to keep hopes of claiming the Internet Championship alive. With the stakes high, both teams played tight, reserved Blaseball throughout the first two innings; neither team willing to extend any major opportunities to the other. It was here, at the bottom of the 3rd that the Firefighter's Third Base Coach Casimir Pulaski Day (formerly Sir Elton John) proposed a risky, yet cunning plan. Coach Day, disliking the prospects of an immediate Game 5 at the Jazz Hands' home stadium, proposed that if the Jazz Hands intended to play a low scoring game of Blaseball: the Firefighters should oblige them. In fact, they should not aim to outright beat them at all, but to first tie them, then Shame them! The idea went that if the Firefighters could hold the Jazz Hands to a perfect tie until the bottom of the 9th, they could then not only leverage their home field advantage to hopefully win Game 4, but also cause the Jazz Hands to suffer the effects of Targeted Shame (see Shame), giving the Firefighters a significant edge going into Game 5. Upon hearing this plan Justice Spoon declared the idea Just, and the team accepted.

The Firefighters succeeded in matching the Jazz Hand's pace hit for hit throughout the game, keeping the score tied 2-2 as play moved into the bottom of the 9th. It was here the Firefighters would come alive. Justice Spoon led off the inning with a double, followed one Out later by a single from Joshua Butt to put a man on 3rd and 1st respectively. It is here that Firefighers batter and noted kleptomaniac Declan Suzanne would make Blaseball history. Eyewitness accounts of what transpired in the next few seconds differ wildly from fan to fan. Some say Declan heroically threw himself in front of a stray peanut to save another Firefighter from anaphylactic shock in an act of self sacrifice; others say they saw him take it right out of the hands of Baby Triumphant, a literal child, and eat it. Regardless of the cause however, one thing is certain: Declan Suzanne swallowed a stray peanut and had an allergic reaction live on the plate. Despite this, in an act that can only be called either potentially the greatest athletic achievement in Splorts history or "violently convulsing", Declan managed to hit a line drive to right field off the very next pitch, bringing Justice Spoon home and cementing Game 4 as a 3-2 win for the Firefighters, and a source of eternal shame for the Jazz Hands.

When asked later why he did it, despite having had an allergic reaction in the past, Declan simply replied "I couldn't help myself." The Firefighters would proceed to go into Game 5 with a morale crushing 0 to -1 lead and defeat the Jazz Hands 6-0 to be ultimately crowned the Season 5 Internet Series Champions for the first time in Internet League Blaseball history.

Team Rivalries

The Firefighters are intense rivals with fire; however, simultaneously, they love fire. This is known as the Firefighter's Paradox.

The Unlimited Tacos are a major rival team.

A rivalry between the Firefighters and the Hades Tigers erupted on 2:81 of the Discipline Era, when the Firefighters Unofficial Twitter tweeted: "We are from chicago"[1]. The Tigers Official Twitter responded "Um, so?"[2], a direct insult to the Firefighters' honor. Fans stated that the rivalry will continue until the Hades Tigers are eradicated completely until 2:90, when the Hades Tigers recanted[3], recognizing both the importance of Chicago, and the fact that the eternal struggle between the Firefighters and the endless blaze of Hades makes both stronger. The rivalry continues, but has become friendly, at least for now.

Trivia

  • The Firefighters have three outfield positions: Western, Lake, and State.
  • Despite having a stadium full of fire escapes, the Firefighters have never let a fire escape.