Parker Parra is a player for the Chicago Firefighters, and has been with the team since Fall Ball. Parra has played for the Baltimore Crabs, Boston Flowers, and Seattle Garages.
Official League Records
Parra joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Baltimore Crabs with the Return of Blaseball.
During the Season β5 elections, Parra received boosts in all ratings as well as a boost in baserunning as a part of the Crabs' Horde Hallucinations and Rollback Netcode blessings.
On Season β10, Day X, Parra gained the Flinch modification after the Crabs lost to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS. Due to the Crabs' Ascension, Parra was absent from the ILB from the Season β10 elections until the Descension.
During the Season β12 elections, Parra's defense was increased by 2.8 → 3.7 as a result of the Crabs' The Rack blessing.
Parra was traded to the Boston Flowers in exchange for Nagomi Mcdaniel during the Season β14 elections via the Crabs' Exchange will, becoming a pitcher in the process.
Parra was traded back to the Baltimore Crabs in exchange for Brock Forbes during the Season β15 elections via the Flowers' Equivalent Exchange will.
On Season β17, Day 77, Parra retreated to the Crabs' Shadows in exchange for Lorcan Smaht as a result of Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark's Fax Machine.
During the Season β18 elections, Parra's batting increased 2.8 → 4 due to the Crabs' Shadow Infuse will.
Parra was traded to the Seattle Garages' Shadows with no replacement during the Season β22 elections via the Gachapon blessing.
During the Season β23 elections, Parra received a combined stat change of 14.5 → 15.9 as a result of the Season 1: Booster Pack blessing.
On Season β24, Day 4, Parra joined the Garages' lineup in exchange for Abner Pothos at The Hotdogfingers Memorial Climate Pledge Garage and Parking Facility via the Ratified Voicemail.
During the November 25, 2022 Fall Ball, Parra fell to the Chicago Firefighters.
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Box of Parker Parra Files
- Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-121.90 and start reading...
Parra claims to be a three-dimensional projection of a higher-dimensional entity. Despite their apparent potential to be a star batter, their performance compared to the rest of the league has led to speculation that the entity cares little for Blaseball.
They have only been observed once out of their Blaseball uniform by a fan seeking an autograph--an event informally known as "The Casualwear Tragedy." The unfortunate fan was made dimensionally unstable, flitting between multiple versions of themselves including versions that mutter strange prophesies from other universes and at least one version that is a 20 foot tall two-dimensional monster intent on eating the other fans. In response to this incident, Parra was quoted as saying, "It was a shame it had to happen, but it did have to happen." As compensation, the fan was given season tickets behind the Crabs' dugout at the Crabitat. Sitting in a special dimensionally-sealed section for his, and others' protection, Wanderin' Dave is now a fixture at Crabs home games.
Parra is fascinated with crafts and art, especially origami, and as a result holds a deep admiration for them. They have mostly made origami crabs, but have branched out into making other animals as well. Among the confirmed animals crafted by them are a swan to "appease the overwhelming number of birds", and a tiger made in memory of Landry Violence.
Interest in Mathematics
Parker is a frequent and well respected guest at the annual conference of Dimensional Mathematics, alongside teammates Sutton Dreamy and Brock Forbes. While they often simply attend as a guest, there have been several panels that have been hijacked by what academics have called "innovative and driven Q&A" with Parker. After several recurrences of this issue, Parker was granted the opportunity to speak at their own session that they entitled "how to fold a paper crane." This was one of the most widely attended sessions that year, though not a single attendee has been able to comment on what was taught other than Sutton, who said it was "nice, but [she] wish[es] Parker had done a little crab instead."
After winning three championships with the Baltimore Crabs, Parker Parra ascended to the big leagues alongside the rest of the team. Coming back with a flinch however, their already middling batting meant they could rarely get on base. When the opportunity arose they were traded to the Boston Flowers for the Crab’s old star hitter, Nagomi Mcdaniel.
On the Boston Flowers
Parker Parra spent a single season pitching for the Boston Flowers before being traded back to the Crabs for their star pitcher Brock Forbes.
Return to the Crabs - Lessons Learned
After their season away in Boston Parra returned to the Crabs in good spirits, and despite their abysmal pitching, enjoyed reuniting with their team in Baltimore.
When Parker Parra began their pitching career on the Flowers it was an impressive exercise in just how poorly one player could pitch, managing a perfect 0-20 season before being sent back to the Crabs where they did manage to win a trickle of games. None of this really bothered Parra however, as they discovered that pitching was just a whole lot of fun, spending a majority of their time on the mound declaring a “trick shot” and then tossing the ball in the general direction of the plate. Parker Meng in particular was often at the heart of these many trick shots as Parra was delighted about their shared names and opposing skill sets. Parra was on record for trying to pitch at least one game completely blindfolded, just to see if they could.
With the introduction of the Fax machine Parra’s trip to the Crab’s shadows was inevitable, and soon enough they were cheering the team on, meeting new people, and leading practices. While some of the newer pitchers were more skeptical about Parra leading a pitching practice, Finn James in particular loved the sessions, credits Parra with helping her get over the stress filled moments of letting a runner on base, and how to keep cool and just having fun under pressure. Meanwhile players like Axel Campbell described Parra’s pitching advice to be “probably made up” and “distressingly close to how Finn tries to teach people to pitch”.
Parker Parra is subject of a poem by Crabs Poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper called "Wanderin' Dave":
Queen Circe was a mighty witch
And sirens wrecked many a ship,
But none of these are dangerous,
Like Parker Parra when they strip.
I speak, of course, of Wanderin' Dave:
An accidental tragic day,
He spotted Parker, dressed in jeans,
Reality then went astray.
So Dave was given honored seats
And kept from eating fans abreast,
He prophesizes every game
And watches Parra—always dressed.
Parker Parra features in the following fics:
Art by @glassgoblin
Art by @EmBCrabby
Art of Parker Parra by @Waalkr
Parker Parra in Season 9, by @_pixeI_
Parker on their brief trip elsewhere by @winterhazelly
Parker Parra as a shadow of their 5-dimensional form, by @DenisMoskowitz
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