Royal Crown Malort

From Blaseball Wiki

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Royal Crown Malort is a non-alcoholic beverage from the city of Chicago. It is the official drink of the Chicago Firefighters.


Royal Crown Malort is an even mix of RC Cola, non-alcoholic Malort, and hydrant water. It can only be drunk from a fire hose at full blast.

It is also commonly referred to as "Butt's Special Stuff", as Joshua Butt invented it in order to help put out the Great Chicago Blaseball Fire. As a combination of three liquids, it is an example of Butt's Law in effect.


The Fire House has hoses strategically placed around the stadium. Whenever the Firefighters hit a home run and Betsy the cow knocks over her lantern, starting a fire, Royal Crown Malort is sprayed on the masses below both in celebration and to put out the fire.

Occasionally, the Firefighters will drive around in the official team Firetruck and spray Royal Crown Malort at pedestrians as it travels throughout Chicago's streets.