Shaquille Torres

From Blaseball Wiki

Shaquille Torres is a lineup player for the Chicago Firefighters, and has been with the team since the Season 1 elections. Torres has previously played for the Seattle Garages.

Official League Records

Torres joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Seattle Garages with the Return of Blaseball.

On Season β3, Day 74, Torres was incinerated and replaced by Cedric Spliff.

Torres was recruited to the Chicago Firefighters in the Season 1 elections as a result of the Houston Spies winning the Strike Zero blessing.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Personal Life

Born to Spanish Roma parents, Shaquille "Shaq" Torres was a beloved batter, an "aspiring" drummer for the Seattle Garages Brass & Bangs Band and the Skarages, and a popular video game streamer.[1] Torres was most well known for his infectious energy when performing, with bandmate Oliver Mueller describing him as “He’s not a tryhard, but he’s always trying.”

Torres' drumming skills were often considered "subpar at best", and he often sought out validation on his art from bandmate and known harsh critic Ron Monstera. Despite his meager performing ability, he was often sought out for jam sessions due to how much fun he was to be around. He would often recite slam poetry to a beat at these jam sessions, finding it to be a "great way to let [his] emotions and creativity out." It is said that many of the Garages' smaller bands lost their heart and soul[2] with his passing.

An avid lover of gaming, Torres found joy in a wide variety of games beyond the game of blaseball: video games, board games, legacy board games, card games, tabletop games, tabletop games with hundreds of mini figurines, hidden role games, dice games, drinking games, sidewalk chalk games, and of course, the king of games: ball and cup[citation needed]. Torres was predominantly known for his skill at chess, and could often be found teaching his fellow bandmates how to play. Many found it difficult to play games with him at times, however, as he was an intense stickler for rules; this put him at odds with his more chaotic teammates. After blaseball games, he tended to stream his various gaming adventures online under the screen name ShaqAttack.

Torres’ love life has been speculated to be a whirlwind affair; Lil' Roadies Lil' Magazine gossip columnist Lucy Lemke, age 10, has reported alleged relationships with Avila Guzman, Mike Townsend, Derrick Krueger, and Oliver Mueller, and has even gone so far as to accuse the batter of having cooties. Torres has declined to comment on the matter, but his close friend Allison Abbott has gone on the record in an exclusive interview with Lil' Roadies Lil' Morning Show reporter Abigail Funke, age 9, as saying “Isn’t Lucy sweet? I have no idea where she comes up with this sh--. Wait, f---, can I say sh-- in this interview? F--, kid, I’m so sorry, god f---ing dammit.”

With his death, Torres, a passionate games preservationist, left behind a massive, meticulously organized library of games and game hardware. The Big Garage has kept this archive carefully guarded, only allowing trusted individuals to explore its shelves.


  • Torres' hair is often shaved into a checkerboard pattern, as it reminds him of a chessboard. He joined the Skarages for similar reasons - the checkerboard pattern often associated with ska reminds him of chess.
  • Torres began wearing dresses and more feminine clothes after seeing Oliver Mueller add dresses to his wardrobe. He's often been called a "hipster" for his fashion style, often picking out skater dresses with whimsical prints that show off his large figure. He enjoys displaying his "Shoutfits" ("Shaquille Outfits") on his fashion vlog, StyleAttack.
  • Lil' Roadie Oliver Loofah, age 7, insists that Torres is her older cousin. She can often be found asleep in the green room after his band's later shows, having stayed up past her bedtime to watch.
  • Teammate Bennett Browning is a regular guest on Torres' streams, much to the confusion of the chat, which still has not figured out if Browning is a bear or just a very hairy human.
  • Several years after Torres' death, ShaqAttack went online for an impromptu stream. Many early Garages players believed this was Shaq returning as a ghost, and took to the stream chat to give Shaq messages that they regretted not telling him when he was alive. It was Jaylen Hotdogfingers who recognized the signature plap plap plap of webbed feet on a game controller and realized that Quack Enjoyable had mistyped his account username (QuackAttack) when logging into the streaming service. That they both used the same password for their streaming accounts is just another odd similarity between the two.

Fan Works


  1. Shaquille's 16pt business card