San Francisco Lovers/History

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The Enhancement

After season 2 of Blaseball, Lovers pitcher Parker Meng was frustrated by a mediocre win-loss record but even more by a more personal issue: her continued failure to confess her romantic feelings to teammate Helga Burton. In desperation, Parker procured a spell to summon a "spirit of love" (the origin of the spell has never been determined). The spell in fact summoned a a succubus who declared Parker "a total cutie" and said she could have "like literally whatever wish you want, babe."

However, Parker's extreme embarrassment around flirting reared its head. She tried to say "I want to be better at flirting" and instead squeaked out "I wanna be better..." She tried again, attempting to say, "There's this beautiful girl on my blaseball team..." but all that came out was "blaseball team." A prolonged silence followed, which was broken when the succubus shrugged and said, "Ok, I can do that!"

The entire team's blaseball performance immediately improved - but it would take another season for Parker to admit her feelings to Helga.


The Lovers have an odd habit of turning their games into playdates. The players lose any sense of competitiveness and instead decide to enjoy the PolyHedron with the visiting team. What's especially strange is the relatively high rate of conversion the opposing players have, which Blaseball theorists chalk up to either the power of MeatCute, the stunning comfort afforded by the beanbag seating, or the incredibly affordable housing options throughout the apartment-complex-turned-stadium-dash-community-garden. The following is a list of the most interesting Playdates in Lovers history.

  • Season 4, Day 2 - Lovers v Millennials

Know more about the Lovers' history? Add it here!