Francisca Sasquatch

From Blaseball Wiki

Francisca Sasquatch is a player for the San Francisco Lovers, and has been with the team since Season 1, Day 61. Sasquatch has previously played for the Unlimited Tacos, THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS, and Miami Dale.

Official League Records

Sasquatch joined the league as a pitcher for the Miami Dale at the beginning of Season β1.

On Season β6, Day 18, a feedback swap affected Sasquatch and former Unlimited Tacos player Wyatt Owens.

At the end of the Season β7 regular season, Sasquatch, along with the rest of the Tacos rotation, received the Shelled modification as part of the Snackrifice.

On Season β9, Day X, Sasquatch was conscripted to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS as a lineup player. Following the dispersal of the PODS during the Season β10 elections, Sasquatch rejoined the league proper with the Miami Dale as a lineup player.

During the Coffee Cup, Sasquatch played for Cream & Sugar United as a lineup player.

On Season β19, Day 10, Sasquatch tasted the Infinite and  SHELLED Georgias player Flattery McKinley.

On Season β24, Day 69, Sasquatch retreated to the Dale's Shadows in exchange for Erickson Fischer due to Night.

On Season 1, Day 61, Sasquatch fell to the San Francisco Lovers during a game in Horizon weather, becoming Buried.

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

League Career

As a Miami native, Sasquatch was often seen wandering around and found herself drawn to the Worldwide Field for no particular reason. Upon arrival, she grabbed blaseballs in both hands, ran to the pitching mound, and started throwing them towards practicing batters. The team, too afraid of her menacing size, was unable to round up the courage to ask her to stop and ended up signing her for Season One. She has never shown any aggression towards teammates, however.

Since moving to the Unlimited Tacos, her teammates have made a clear effort to bring her on often trips to Venice, Los Angeles, where all roads and highways are replaced with canals, allowing her to enjoy time near water and on her boat.

Personal Life

Standing at 7'5" and weighing 550 lbs, Sasquatch has refused multiple calls from the press to release any documents with personal data and insists she is "definitely human". She is not related to Mcdowell Mason.

After moving to Los Angeli, Sasquatch has been reported by teammates as often wearing various over-the-top glasses. Her teammates say she keeps her favorite pair of glasses, her New Year's Year 2000 pair, in her stadium locker, because she considers it "the best night of her life". It is unclear how many pairs she has, or where she stores the rest. Since her move, she has also modified her Miami Dale branded fanboat to have wheels, as she soon learned that the Los Angeli generally have more roads than water.

An avid-nature lover, Sasquatch had to give up her Miami side gig, giving fanboat tours of the Florida marshes after her move to LA. However, she has continued displaying her entrepreneurial tendencies, beginning to give tours through the Hlollywood Hills on her repurposed boat.

Relationship with the Shelled One

Francisca Sasquatch was removed from the LA Unlimited Tacos and subjected to THE SHELLED ONE’S PODS in Season 9, Day X. She was the first member of the PODS to hit a single without the mod Pity, dealing 1,501,482 Spirit damage to the opposing Shoe Thieves.

Francisca Sasquatch was again subjected to THE SHELLED ONE’S PODS during the Season 10 Championship against the Crabs. After the PODS defeat, she was returned to her home team the Miami Dale. She was the only PODS member to join a team she had previously been a part of.

Following her return to the Dale, local newspaper the Miami Gerald ran the headline “OUR GIRL IS BACK: FRANCISCA SASQUATCH RETURNS.” Former teammate Logan Horseman was interviewed for the piece, where he was quoted as saying “Yeah, we’re all glad she’s back. Fran really knows how to get wild, you know? One time, she drank swamp water and burped the entire alphabet, and then at the end she burped up a frog. It ruled. She hates when I tell that story though. Wait, is this off the record? Don’t tell her I told that to you.”

Teammate Randy Dennis also gave a statement concerning Francisca’s return, telling the reporter “Yeah, we’re glad to have Fran back. Losing Nutty was, uh, really hard. On a lot of us. But it means a lot that Fran came back to Miami. Or was forced to come back. She wasn’t really clear on that part. I’m so glad she’s here though.”

The Miami Gerald reached out to Francisca for a statement concerning her time on the PODS, but they were informed by team manager Mr. Wide that Ms. Sasquatch was refusing to comment.

The Shelling of Flattery McKinley

In Season 19, Day 10, Francisca tasted the infinite and shelled Flattery McKinley in a game against the Atlantis Georgias. She was the second-to-last honey-roasted player to taste the infinite.

After this game, rumors erupted among fans that the shelling may have been caused by Francisca’s distress at the death of her close friend and long-time teammate Logan Horseman in Season 19, Day 7. Directly following the incident, Mr. Wide called a press meeting where Francisca stated that shelling of Flattery had been a “mistake” and that it “wouldn’t happen again.” She refused further questioning and left the podium immediately after her initial statement.

Team Captain Qais Dogwalker also attended this press meeting, where he read the following prepared statement: “Logan’s death was unexpected, and has been hard on all of us. He was one of the original Party Animals, and one of the four original Miami Dale teammates, including Fran. However, there is no doubt in my mind that the shelling of Flattery McKinley was nothing more than the remnants of a long-dead god that, hopefully, will stay dead. Personally, I have been a long-time friend of the crows, and will be doing everything in my power to get Flattery McKinley free of her shell.”

After this speech, one reporter asked Qais if there were any plans to send Francisca Sasquatch to the shadows, “especially considering what the LA Unlimited Tacos did to Peanut Bong after he shelled Ned.” At this question, Qais turned pink and began to stutter, and was quoted with “Um, I-I-I don’t think that’s necessary, um, really, I don’t know-“ Qais was then cut off by Mr. Wide, who promptly ended the press conference.

Fan Works